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Archives for October 2015

Poof! He Ghosted Me. Was it Something I Said?

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A beautiful woman lies in bed looking at her cell phone, wondering why he ghosted her.
Was it the text I sent him?

Online dating has brought us the amazing ability to connect with so many different people so quickly. Unfortunately, it also means that those same people can disappear faster than ever before. The question this week is from our beautiful friend Laura, who was recently ghosted by a guy on Tinder that she really thought she had hit it off with.

Here's her story:

I'm brand new to online dating, but a friend convinced me to give Tinder a whirl.

About a month ago I matched with a guy, and we really hit it off. Texted daily, and he asked if he could call me.

Yep, actual phone call.

Every time we talked on the phone, it was for hours. We talked about what we wanted, and were on the same page in regard to wanting to settle down, marriage, etc. He told me he was only even still on Tinder bc he was able to see my pics that way.

During that conversation, he mentioned something about me still messaging guys on there.Continue Reading

What We're Really Searching For

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A woman sits on a pier looking at the lake - autumn scene.
It's never what we think it is.

I'm always struck by how much my clients and I have in common. Nowhere is this more evident than on the topic of unconditional love.

Ask any practical, logical person about it and they will have undoubtedly tell you that unconditional love is only something experienced by a parent towards a child. That it's not possible in any other relationship because it would require someone to be capable of loving someone else regardless of who they are or what they do or don't do.

And that, they would go on to say, isn't something we humans are truly capable of.

A religious or spiritual person would say that God - or what God represents to us - is the only one capable of truly loving us unconditionally. But for those of us who refuse to believe that unconditional love doesn't exist, no amount of logic or practical standpoints can quite shake the belief inside us that it does indeed exist.

But herein is my point: This is the precise reason why we're searching for it.Continue Reading

If He Really Loved Me, Would He Have Let Me Go?

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A key lies on a table next to a red heart made from a ribbon.
All I wanted was a key!

Our question this week comes from our beautiful friend Janet, who has broken up with her boyfriend because he wouldn't move their relationship along to the next level of commitment.

Here's what she wrote:

My boyfriend of almost 3 years tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and move in with me ...but doesn't know when.

We live apart and only see one another on the weekends. I have asked for a key before to his apartment so I could wait upstairs for him when I arrive and he said it was against his values.

The other day I couldn't reach him all night....and we had a huge fight that lasted for days...when we finally spoke...I told him that I did not feel comfortable with our current arrangement and if he didn't want to live together at this time...that he should at least give me a key...so if I need to speak with him and can't reach him by phone...I can go to his house.

He said he loves me and wants to marry me...it could be as soon as next year...he doesn't know...but I already know his answer about the key and that will not change.

I told him I just didn't feel comfortable anymore...and I feel the key was kinda like the bare minimum I needed to hang in there at this point.Continue Reading

I'm Heartbroken - How Do I Move On?

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A beautiful woman lies on her bed looking at her laptop.
I found out he's in a new relationship only a month after we split!

It's always so difficult to move on after a serious heartbreak, even when we know it's the best thing for us to do. Our letter this week comes from our beautiful friend Paulina, whose boyfriend suddenly left her and her son after she asked him about making a commitment.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane ,

I broke up with my boyfriend of over three and a half years about 7 months ago and I just can't seem to move on.

He basically was literally part time living with me and my 12 year old son who he bonded with over the years and we were both incredibly hurt when he left.

We broke up because I kept asking when we were going to move the relationship on and he kept avoiding my questions even though he was living with me and my son for 5 days a week. We had a heart to heart the day after Valentines day and I told him to leave and think about what he wants.Continue Reading

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

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A signpost reading "undecided" pointing in both directions.
What should I do?

This week our letter comes from a GUY for a change! Yes, one of our handsome male readers! He calls himself "Mr. Indecisive", which should tell you a bit about the story you're about to hear.

Here's his email:

Hi Jane,

I'm a 28 year old male, unfortunately I also have been diagnosed with anxiety...so this hasn't made my issue any easier...

I came across your website and wanted to send you a question I have been struggling on and off with...

I met a woman, a wonderful woman, and we developed a wonderful relationship together over the past 5 months.

Unfortunately big events are coming up which have made me...Mr. indecisive...

She is in the military and brought up about whether she leave the military entirely in Oct. or...she stays in and leaves my state for 4 years and I go with her. Either way, we are discussing engagement rings and this...has...terrified...me since...Continue Reading

Why He Wouldn't Commit…to You

92 Comments

A beautiful woman leans her head on her hands, sad.
Why does it always seem to end this way?

"I don't have the same feelings for you as I used to".

The dreaded words. The blank look. The shock that what we're hearing could be real. Nothing more to be said, nothing changed by talking and talking and talking about it, until our own words betray the truth.

He's gone.

The aftermath is telling.

Why? That's all we want to know. We blame ourselves, we blame him, we blame the timing, the people, the circumstances we never can control.Continue Reading

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