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Our letter this week comes from beautiful Anna. She's having doubts about a man she's been dating for a year and a half and isn't sure what she should do with them. I have some thoughts for her and after hearing her story, I'm sure you will, too.
Here's her email:
Dear Jane,
I have been reading your emails for some time and they are very encouraging so I would like to thank you for that.
I've been dating this man for a year and a half. He is kind, and a good man, and we are in exclusive relationship. He treats me well, he says he loves me and that he is in love with me. However, when I am with him, sometimes I feel I work hard for his attention.
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I poured my heartbreak into something that needed me; someone that needed me. A dog who was labeled with severe separation anxiety; rescued from a shelter that couldn’t keep her.
And then I noticed something so similar to what I notice with you.
You’re not your label. You’re not what you’re telling yourself you are. You’re not your story.
You’re not the self-fulfilling prophecy you’ve made your life because you were with all the wrong people and all the wrong environments that only reinforced this inherent belief system in you.
In psychology, we call this confirmation bias.
We’re given a label. We’re told a story about ourselves. And then once it’s been positively reinforced often enough, we go looking for evidence to confirm that same label, that same story, that same narrative that’s become our truth.Continue Reading
Am I being over sensitive and reading too much into it?
Our letter this week comes from one of our beautiful subscribers, Angela, who finds herself confused over the hot and cold behavior of her boyfriend of two months.
Here's her story:
Hi Jane,
I have been seeing a man for almost 2 months. He is a truck driver and is on the road a lot. He has 2 children; one is much older (an adult), the other is young son. He sees him every other weekend.
In the beginning we spent hours and hours a day on the phone. Talking about everything imaginable. Things from our childhoods (both good and horrible things). We talked about past relationships and divorces. We talked about our children and things they are into and things we do with them as a family.
We talked about sexual things and sent risqué pictures to each other. We would say we miss each other, can't wait to see each other, and give compliments on each other's pictures and how beautiful we think each other is.
We also sent regular pictures such as places he was driving through and things our kids were doing. Pictures of just our faces.Continue Reading
Do this first - then you'll know what to do with him.
I talk to so many women who all want to know what they should do about a particular man who's dragging his feet, who comes and goes but not on any schedule they can count on, who's all but living like a single guy while he's supposed to be in a relationship with them.
You already know what you're going to do regardless of what I or anyone else say you should do. So I'm going to tell you to do something else.
Shift the focus from him to you.
Find out everything you can about why you are the way you are and how your personality combined with your environment to make you the way you are.
Find some people or animals or cause or something else outside yourself that desperately needs all that love you have for him, and pour your heart into that. Continue Reading
Wherever the old year finds you tonight, wherever the new year finds you tomorrow, promise me you'll remember one thing.
You have nothing to prove.
NOTHING.
Not to anyone, and especially not to the ones you think you do.
The ones who want you will want you.
The ones who like you will like you.
And the ones who love you will absolutely love you - just the way you are!
Your work is only to learn how to tell the difference so that you never, EVER have to go through any more heartbreak like you've already been through. Because it's been enough already.
We're not talking about a few minor tweaks, we're talking about the essence of you!
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