Getting to TRUE Love

I Feel Like He's Pulling Away

A beautiful woman leans her head against a tree, looking unsure. — My gut tells me there's also someone else.

The subject line was clear: Am I a seat filler? I knew exactly what she meant. Ever had to wonder about that yourself? Well, Rose is wondering that now.

Here's what she told me:

Hi Jane,

I really need your perspective on this one.

So I met this guy about a month ago at a wedding, the first minute we met our eyes locked for a moment, the way he looked and smiled at me felt like I was the only woman in the room.

He later asked for my number which I gave it to him, it was my cousin's wedding so I was very busy making sure everything was going smoothly and as a result I never got a chance to talk to the guy up until the wedding was over.Continue Reading

Why he says "It’s going good just the way it is, let’s not mess with it."

7 Comments

A beautiful woman is on a date with a man. — Hint: It's not because of you!

It feels so personal, doesn't it?

When he says "It’s going good just the way it is, let’s not mess with it", you just can't help it. You think it's because of you.

"I must not be enough", you tell yourself.

Or I must be too much. Or, in other words, "There must be something wrong with me that I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do and it's STILL not enough to get him to commit to me."

So let's clear this up right now before you go any further with why this is somehow your fault that you're stalled in the in-between zone.

It's not because of you.

It's because of what any deeper of a commitment to you represents to him!Continue Reading

Blindsided By This Breakup

1 Comment

A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her. — I just don't understand any of it.

Our letter today is from Ann, who's been blindsided by a breakup after 5 years together.

Here's her story...

Hi Jane,

My question is how do I move on after being blindsided by this breakup?

My ex and I had been together for 5 years. Looking back, there are probably some red flags that I overlooked.

When we first started dating, he was very hard to read. It took us a long time to actually determine what our relationship was, and part of this was due to the fact that when we first met, I was supposed to be moving away for grad school.

I brought up the topic of where our relationship was heading, and he said that he knew we needed to talk about it but he wasn't sure what to say because he had been in a long distance relationship in the past, and it didn't work. I had also been in one so I could understand where he was coming from.Continue Reading

The Elephant in the Room

2 Comments

How many times have you heard about someone just like you doing something you'd love to do but can't imagine how you would actually go about making that real for you?

I hear stories just like this from you all the time. You're too young, too old, not experienced enough, not educated enough, too much of an introvert, too nervous, not financially in a position to, not in a position to for so many other reasons, and when it comes right down to it, you're more than a little scared.

Isn't that what most of us feel? Scared?

Afraid to start something we might fail at? Afraid to have to answer to all those naysayers who said we should just play it safe because it makes them feel so much more comfortable when you're not giving them reason to wonder what might also be possible for them?

Here's where I'm going with this. I talk to women every day about all the things they'd rather be doing than what they're doing right now. Just the other day, I encountered a woman who met an old friend she hadn't seen in long time, and the conversation came around to how she could see her opening her own yoga studio.Continue Reading

He Completely Dropped Off the Face of the Planet

3 Comments

Close up of a woman using mobile smart phone, wondering why she was ghosted and he suddenly stopped texting. — I haven't heard from him since.

Beautiful Sami writes to tell us her story of being ghosted by her relatively new long-distance boyfriend, and she's wondering what could have happened.

Read on for her story, along with my response:

Hi Jane,

I started seeing a guy who lives in a different state than me a few months ago. I've seen him three times in person, and those three times we were with each other almost non stop for days.

He even came to visit me one weekend and again, we were with each other the entire time. It was amazing.

When we weren't together, we would text constantly, every single day. He was usually the one who started the conversations, but I would start them occasionally, attempting to let him know that I was just as interested in talking to him as he was interested in talking to me.Continue Reading