Getting to TRUE Love

He's Everything I've Ever Wanted, but I Don't Feel the Spark

A beautiful woman is thoughtful, wondering if she needs to feel the spark. — I just don't feel the butterflies that much.

Our letter this week comes from our beautiful reader, Kristina, who's found herself in a relationship with a guy who's checking off all kinds of boxes for her, but not the one's she's used to.

She's wondering where to go from here and I'm hoping my advice, along with your experience or thoughts on this ever-returning subject of "the Spark" will give her the clarity she's looking for.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have never done anything like this. I really hope to receive a response, or to at least receive some notification if you make a blog post. Regardless, if you are reading this, thank you for your time.

I have just read your post about the elusive spark and how you say that it is not something that matters because it goes away anyway. It was so incredibly helpful.

Additionally, reading all the comments and seeing how many women struggle with the same thing, made me feel much better too.Continue Reading

When Do You Know?

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silhouette of feet of couple sitting on the pier at sunset beach, low angle view — After those first few months, here's what I knew.

That was her question.

In our group coaching session over the weekend, one of the women who's experiencing something that seems like real love for the first time in her life asked me about when my husband and I first said the words "I love you", and how I knew I was in love with him.

Here's what I told them ...

I didn't know what I was in with my husband. I only knew how different it felt, how real it felt compared to the fantasy kind of love relationships I was used to, the kind that broke my heart almost as soon as I gave it away.

It was a few months after we'd met for the second time. We were at his friend's wedding in Santa Barbara, California.Continue Reading

Is It Right to Go With Him When He's Breaking My Heart?

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A beautiful woman is sipping coffee while talking with a man over lunch, wondering why she's not getting what she wants in a relationship. — Should I take this trip with him even though he broke up with me?

Our letter this week comes all the way from Greece, from beautiful Gc, who's looking for some advice on whether she should go on a trip that was planned in advance with a guy who's breaking her heart with the knowledge that he just wants to be friends.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

So first of all let me introduce myself. I'm 29 years old and I come from a small island of Greece.

Before a year, I was at a friend's wedding here at our beautiful island. My friend that was getting married was from the USA and had the wedding here because of his mother that she is born here too. So I met this guy that was the best men at the wedding also from the States and he approached me the night of the wedding party.Continue Reading

Anyone Else Exhausted?

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A very tired, stressed and fed up attractive woman. wondering if she's too emotional. — Yes, it's truly exhausting.

It's exhausting.

This search.

The journey to be or become whatever it is you think you've been missing that will finally bring you happiness, that will finally bring you life.

What if it's not about finding or seeking but about living in alignment with your heart?

What if it's not about finding any one person as much as finding your way back to yourself?

Give up the search. Give up the trying and find a place to just be.

Start with a clean slate. Start with where you are today.Continue Reading

Asking for What We Need

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A beautfiul woman is feeling anxiety over asking for what she needs. — You don't have to be afraid of the response.

Most of us have fears and even trauma around asking for what we need or setting boundaries because of how this has been received in our past.

We only know the extremes of coming across accommodating or demanding instead of the balance of taking ownership of what we need, recognizing we have a right to ask for that, while allowing those we ask this of to have a right to their own response, even if it's not the response we want.

We don't have to be afraid of their response.

Instead, we can view it as giving us the information we need to know where we go from here, to be able to be informed as to what's in our actual best interest and how we can better make decisions and communicate additional information based on that response.

This isn't easy communication or conversations for most of us, especially when we've been brought up to be so accommodating and understanding of everyone else's needs to the detriment of our own.

I've been here.Continue Reading

I Never Heard From Him and He's Stuck In My Head

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Beautiful blond woman feeling rejected after guy disappeared. — I keep going over and over it in my mind.

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Renee, who spent a wonderful evening with a man, only to never hear from him again! Sound familiar? It was for me, too.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I'm single and turned 41 on Saturday. Saturday night I went to the local bar for my b-day and an older, attractive man kept asking me to dance (he was 55.)

We danced all night and had a great time. He drove my friend and I home and I gave him my number - he didn't ask I said do you text and he said yes. I said here is my number...I didn't have my phone with me at the bar.

Anyway, I feel disappointed because I never heard from him and he is stuck in my head 🙁 That's the worse part of it ... I keep going over and over stuff in my mind.

When I got out of the car Saturday night he said "By the way, you're very beautiful." He was very respectful.Continue Reading