Getting to TRUE Love

He Doesn't Want Kids

A beautiful woman is on a date with a man. — He says he doesn't want kids, but I think I might. What do I do?

Beautiful Eve asks a question I've heard from so many of my clients over the years and she's absolutely right; it's one of the toughest questions for any of us to answer.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I have read your book and countless of your articles/answers and I absolutely adore you. You have helped me in the past and I hope you could help me now.

I’m not sure this is the type of letter you’d normally answer but I can give it a shot.

I have been in a long distance relationship for a little more than 2.5 years (we lived close by for half a year.) We live on different continents (he's American military and I am from Europe.) We see each other a couple of weeks a year and call every day.

We are an incredible match and he makes me feel happy and cared for.

We both feel that this year we should live together. I will be moving. It will be really difficult regarding job and visa, but I think it will be worth it. (He hates me giving up everything and would like to be the one moving but with his job, it’s not possible right now.)

What bothers me is the following.Continue Reading

No, You're Not Expecting Too Much

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Female hands holding a sand in form of the heart — Don't ever let yourself become numb to what love really is.

Kindness.

Gentleness.

Compassion.

Empathy.

Actions.

Not shallow words that mean nothing without the behavior to accompany them.

Look around you.

Are these what you experience from your lovers, your boyfriends, your girl friends, your family, all these ones you give so much of your time, your energy, your own kindness and gentleness and compassion and empathy to?Continue Reading

Who Do You Think You Are?

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A woman is looking up at question marks above her head. — It’s the voice that’s never far from you.

Yes, you.

You’re the one I’m talking to.

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are that you have a right to be here, a right to get what your beautiful heart desires, a right to see your dreams come true? Who do you think you are to have what someone else has, to get what they’ve got, to talk like you do, to think like you do, to express yourself the way you do, to walk like you do, to carry yourself like you do, to do what you do? Who?

Sound familiar?

These are the words that define you. These are what you’re allowed to do.

Making. Trying. Striving. Hoping. Sometimes begging. Longing. Cajoling. Pleading. Often begging.

But these ones - Come sparkle. Come dance. Come thrive. Come live. With me. With all of us.

Not these.Continue Reading

Too Busy for a Relationship but Not Too Busy to String You Along

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Nobody is too busy, it is a matter of priorities - handwriting on a napkin with a cup of espresso coffee — He says he's too busy for a relationship because of work.

One of our beautiful readers, signed "In love with love", has a story that so many of us can relate to. The boyfriend that just can't seem to make time for (or commit to) a real relationship.

Read on for the full story:

Hi Jane,

I stumbled across one of your blogs, incidentally, a few weeks ago and have been hooked ever since.

You have a unique way of nailing all the issues with dating and love right on the head - it's to a point where you're reading, you think these blogs are made solely for you and speak to your own experience.

So Kudos for proving that relationship experts DO exist.

Anyhoo, I'd like to gather your thoughts on an issue that I've been dealing with. It's been some time since I've recapped events but I'll try my best to make it sensical.

In laymen's terms, I think I've fallen in love with someone who might love me back, but isn't letting themself. The only real excuse I've gotten is because he's too busy for a relationship because of work.

I don't buy that because I believe we make time for the things and people we want. And if that's not me, why not just say so?

This would be a much easier pill to swallow if he would say he's just not that into me or doesn't see us working out. That I can understand. But this limbo we've been teetering in for months is mentally debilitating and hindering me from moving on.

Can you please advise?Continue Reading

I'm Riding the Relationship Roller Coaster

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Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other — He acts like he doesn't care.

Beautiful Kaylie is in an on-again-off-again relationship roller coaster of a relationship (sound familiar anyone?)

Here's what she wrote:

So, I’ve been dating this guy for a little over 8 months.

We always break up but end up getting back the same day (or the next day), so basically “disagreements” you can say. He used to try when we were together but this time I think we're done for good.

He told me he isn’t getting back with me because he wants me to be happy.

I keep on chasing him but he acts like he doesn't care.

What should I do? Does he miss me or will he miss me?

-KaylieContinue Reading

How To Know If It’s Your Anxiety Talking – Or Something Else

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A beautiful woman looks at her phone feeling confused over whether she should choose commitment or chemistry. — Is it real, or are you worried over nothing?

There was a popular song by Billy Joel when I was growing up that had a line in it that went like this … “when you love someone, you’re always insecure”, and that's as true now as it was then.

Who isn’t insecure when everything seems like it’s going so well and yet you don’t really know someone well enough to know for sure?

When all you've known are relationships that gave you every reason to feel anxious, you don’t have anything like it to compare to. When you’ve given away so much of your heart, your body, and what often feels like your soul, regardless of how much we know we’re not supposed to go further than our overactive imaginations can handle, you’ve got a recipe for all kinds of anxiety to rear its head.

So how do you know how much to blame on your own anxiety and how much is being with the wrong person with real warning signs and red flags that you’re going to look back on and wonder why you didn’t see them at the time?

Well, this question came up this week in my “Engage” group coaching community, and it was such a great question, I wanted to include my answer here for you. After all, who hasn’t encountered that subtle shift where something seems to change that you can’t quite put your finger on?Continue Reading