Getting to TRUE Love

The Only Way To Move On

A woman hiking through a heart shaped cave symbolizing going through heartbreak. — See your own beautiful heart. Hear your own drum that you move to.

He wasn’t the right one.

He was only in my life to teach me a lesson.

He wasn’t good enough for me.

He couldn’t give me what I know I deserve.

Whatever way we put it, the words don’t change what we feel in our hearts. We’re alone again.

He’s fine. He’s moving on. He’s not sitting back lamenting what could have been or trying to figure out how to get us back. His logical mind knows everything you know, but in his case, it’s enough for him to know it’s the best thing for the both of you.

But for you, it’s not.Continue Reading

He Started Acting Distant Right After Our Conversation

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A woman is upset after her boyfriend became emotionally distant and pulled away. — He pulled away right after our conversation.

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Charlie, who tells us her story of a painful breakup.

Here's the story she shared:

So, me and my boyfriend broke up about 11 days ago.

I asked him a couple weeks before if he wanted children and to marry me. He's said through the relationship that he does and has even given timescales. His answer was now "I don't know, they'd be a compromise." Then he acted strange for the two weeks after this conversation.

So I was unhappy as he was being rude and unaffectionate. We had a day out and it was like the worst first date ever.

Then Wednesday before last I cried at work because I knew I had to talk to him as he made it clear he didn't want to make plans with me the weekend before (watching fifty shades all day with his best female friend.)

So me being unhappy that he didn't even plan something with me and she wasn't even free that weekend, I got upset and decided we needed to talk.Continue Reading

You've Been Told the Wrong Story

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Woman having a cup of coffee surrounded by books representing her story. — This isn’t the truth of what happened.

You’ve tried them all.

You go from place to place, looking, searching for the one thing that will be your magic answer. You search the world over for the one thing, the one person, the one magical formula that will finally make everything right in your world.

You may not know exactly what it is you need, but you think you might.

You think it’s found in the idea of the perfect man for you, or the idea of the perfect job or career for you, or the perfect location, or the perfect body, or the perfect house, or the perfect family, or whatever your particular perfect thing may be.

Except that you’ve tried so many things already, and nothing lasted for long. The feeling of everything finally being right in the world was temporary – fleeting – until it was no more.Continue Reading

The Man He Can't Be

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Silhouette of a father and daughter who play outdoors at sunset background. — Our hearts long for what could have been, but our peace is found in what is.

Most of us know by now the role he played. The reasons behind why we chase. The explanation for why we choose the ones we do.

You’ve heard me speak about this significant father/daughter relationship, and from the perspective of Daddy’s Little Girl.

I’ve coached so many of you on how to understand and accept, but not stay there. To become aware, to break the cycle instead of repeating the patterns that have such a hold on us.

For a little girl who kept it all inside, who never, ever felt safe to be angry, I had plenty to be angry about when I finally allowed myself to feel that emotion for the first time in my life when I was safe with my own family, with a man who would love me not only in spite of, but because of every emotion I felt.

And angry I was.Continue Reading

He's Not Ready to Commit, But Says He Doesn't Want to Lose Me

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A couple enjoying embrace of each other and tenderly smiling — He says he doesn't want to lose me - why won't he commit?

The email I chose to feature on the blog this week is from gorgeous Keziah. Her question is one I hear often, in many different forms, from so many of you.

Here's what she asked:

How could a man not be ready for commitment yet he doesn’t want to lose you because he loves you?

- Keziah

My Response:

One single sentence. But such a huge question.

How could a man not be ready for commitment, yet he doesn’t want to lose you because he loves you?

Yes, exactly! How?!Continue Reading

What Rejection Never, Ever Is

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Outdoor portrait of a sad woman feeling rejected. — It's never about what it should be.

What do you do when you come to the end of yet another relationship that didn't work out for you? What do you do with that? Or more precisely, what do you conclude? Do you conclude that there must be something wrong with you?

This is the piece you often hear me talking about on here.

Instead of seeing it as not the right timing for you.

Instead of seeing it as not the right fit for you, either right now or always.

We tend to look at a relationship with someone as that it should work because you’ve put everything you've got into it, or you should be attractive enough, or you should be the perfect match for him.

But it’s never about what it should be. It’s about whether it is, in reality, a good fit for you.Continue Reading