Getting to TRUE Love

The Right To

Young smiling woman outdoors understanding her right to. — You have to first understand you actually have the right to.

Every single one of the answers to your questions becomes clear when you focus on just one thing.

Your power.

That’s it.

Everything else you’ve been told carries so much weight. Everything to do with "Should I call?", "How long should I wait to text?", "Should I break up with him?", "How long should I wait for a commitment?"

Every one of our questions has to do with us owning our own power and remembering who we are in light of that power.

It’s the opposite of ourselves as victim, or ourselves as powerless to change what we’ve resigned ourselves to.

I can’t stress this enough. Question why. Ask yourself why.Continue Reading

Is He Losing Interest?

10 Comments

Beautiful Mia writes to tell us about her fear that her boyfriend of 2 years may be losing interest in her.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

First of all, I just wanted to say I love reading all the advice you give, even when it’s not relevant to me. You have such an addictively soothing way with words!

I was hoping you could give me some advice about my relationship of almost 2 years.

When we first met, my boyfriend and I hit it off immediately. We were so excited to talk, text, call, and arrange dates with each other as much as possible.Continue Reading

This Will Make Him Want to Commit, But…

8 Comments

Man lies on the couch while his girlfriend is upset with him because he's emotionally unavailable. — It's only ever been this.

There’s a question you have to ask yourself before you stay one more day in a relationship waiting for a man who isn’t committing to you.

I know why you’re waiting. I know you see enough good in him, enough potential in him to make him worth the wait.

But you’re not doing yourself any favors and wasting a whole lot of your life and time right now if you can’t answer this with anything but a definitive “yes”.

If he NEVER changes, do you still want him?Continue Reading

It Was All So Perfect, But Then Everything Changed

23 Comments

A woman is upset, with her head in her hands, because her boyfriend says he wants a break. — He was as loving as usual, then suddenly he ended it!

See if this sounds familiar: Everything was going perfectly, but then all of a sudden he pulls away and wants to end things, leaving beautiful Florence absolutely shocked.

Here's her letter:

Hi Jane,

I started seeing the most lovely, caring, thoughtful and giving guy about 3 months ago.

I had just come out of a 2 year relationship when I met him unexpectedly, so I wasn't really interested in a serious relationship just yet. However, he seemed/seems like Mr. Perfect so I decided to go along with it. He made things serious very quickly and was showering me with gifts, etc. regularly.

After about 2 months I was leaving his house after staying over, he said goodbye, as loving and caring as usual, and texted me about an hour after I left as he usually did.Continue Reading

Why You Need to Lean In to Let Go

14 Comments

Beautiful woman walking in the field and runs hand through the high dry grass in autumn. — You don’t go down. You don't become powerless. You don’t lose your shine.

I did it again.

I put my foot in my mouth. In my excitement, my passion, my well-intentioned motive to connect more deeply, I say or do something that makes me feel awkward.

Again.

I should be getting used to this by now, but it’s still an uncomfortable place for me. So I’m learning a new way of dealing with, well, me.

If I allow myself to care so much about what other people are now going to think of me, or what they’re going to say about me, then I’ve given them all the power.

But if instead I recognize that no, this is all me - that I said what I said with all that passion behind it because this, too is the authentic real me - then I keep every bit of my power. And maybe I even gain some.

I’ve been thinking about this lately, because, well, it came up again.Continue Reading

I Want Commitment and Marriage, But He Doesn't Believe In It

13 Comments

A tug of war between a man and a woman with an engagment ring on a string, signifying non commitment to marriage. — He doesn't think he needs a marriage certificate to love someone.

Gorgeous Alison writes to us about her long term relationship with a man who can't seem to give her the commitment she wants. She wants the whole package, including the wedding.

Her story:

Hi Jane

I am 51, 52 in January and I have been with my partner/boyfriend for 4 years. I was married for 5 years, before that my husband and I dated for 6 years before we tied the knot.

He mentally abused me and cheated on me with a much younger woman, which left me extremely insecure in every relationship since then. I have little or no self-esteem and since my divorce 20 years, I have been insecure and have had many failed relationships.Continue Reading