Getting to TRUE Love

Is He Too Good for Me Because of My Baggage?

fashionable woman with lots of baggage in the middle of the street — I feel guilty bringing all of my baggage to a relationship.

Our letter today comes from one of our beautiful readers who's chosen to go by the name "LoveIs." Like most of us who have ever been attracted to someone because of their potential, LoveIs is reaching out today for some answers on the question of what to do when you're attracted more to someone's potential than what they're actually showing you they're capable of.

Sound familiar? Read on to find out what I have say on this very relevant question.

Dear Jane,

I love all of your content and the time you spend sharing your knowledge to the world really touches people. You're one of a kind. Would you share some of that knowledge with me today?

I tend to overlook men who are actually good for me and am attracted to men who aren't.

I'm talking about the emotionally unavailable, you chase him, mysterious, keeps you guessing, you wanna be the one to change him type. For some reason, this type of man I find comfort in which is in no way logical but alas, here we are.Continue Reading

Are you with someone who isn't really there?

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Woman sitting by a lake feeling all alone in her relationship. — Where is he?

Look around you.

Where is he?

Is he there?

Is he reaching out to you? Is he showing you he's worth all the time and energy you're spending thinking about him, wondering about him, going back over and over what you should have done instead?

No, he's not there.

He's not anywhere that you know for sure. Only in your mind. Only when you bring him up, when you remind yourself of everything he was, everything he seemed to be in what seems like such a different time and place.Continue Reading

My Boyfriend Fell Out of Love With Me

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Guy holding hands of crying woman during breakup — I did everything right and still it ended in confusion and heartbreak.

Ever wondered how someone falls out of love? Especially if that person someone falls out of love with is you? Tori did. Read on to hear what I had to say about it.

Here's her letter:

My question is regarding how one can fall out of love with someone, when everything is the same if not better over time? I have seen many bad and dysfunctional relationships and people sticking together for the wrong reasons.

My boyfriend and I met on a dating app last May and have been together for a year. The past month he was being a little distant but in a very subtle way. He was still texting me but it felt lackluster and routine. When I would flirt with him or try to make plans he wouldn’t respond with excitement but he would respond.

When I confronted him he broke out in tears saying he didn’t know why but he felt like he was “on his way out” and felt disconnected from me.Continue Reading

Why? Because he's the guy I chose.

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Cute little daughter and her handsome young dad in skirts are dancing and smiling while playing together in child's room — I can't imagine any of the men I dated before doing the same thing.

My husband got up at 4am to stand outside in a line outside my daughter's dance studio, to register her in a first-come first-served registration system (plenty we could say about that type of system, but for now, it is what it is). He let me sleep in and switch with him later.

He was the only dad there.

Why? Because he's the guy I chose.

Oh I chose a lot of men before him, but only because I didn't know myself well enough to know what I actually wanted, and would continue to want years down the road.

I can't imagine any of the men I dated previously doing the same thing, and that's precisely why none of them worked out.

After so much heartbreak chasing after all the wrong men for me, who of course seemed so right at the time (they always do!), I finally realized I wanted the family man. For real. Someone who puts his family first.Continue Reading

7 Things You Need to Do Different to Attract Someone Different

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A beautiful woman is on a romantic date with a man. — Here's what you need to do if you want to attract someone different.

If we're going to change who and what we attract, if we're going to start seeing something different in who and what shows up in our lives, we've got to start by making some big changes in how we're actually living our lives.

Today.

Not tomorrow. Not when we have more energy or time to get this right, but right now.

Here's what we're going to do:

1. Stop making anyone - and yes, I do mean anyone - the center of your universe.

It's not good for either one of you.

YOU'RE the center of your universe.

And no, that's not selfish. That's a healthy way to live your life based not on yet another fantasy but on reality. The one you control, not someone you give all your control to hoping for a different result than the one you've gotten so used to seeing.Continue Reading

I Like Him But He Just Wants to be Friends

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A group of male and female friends are out together socially at a restaurant. — He acts like he likes me but says he just wants to be friends.

Where have we heard that before? It's an all too familiar one for most of us. And that's our letter writer's story this week, one of our beautiful readers who wants to remain Anonymous, so I'm calling her Lee. She likes a guy who only wants to be friends so she's wondering what to do.