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Archives for February 2017

Do What Feels "Light"

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Woman opening curtains in a bedroom letting the light shine on her.
Often it's simply a matter of choosing what feels "light."

I like to think of it like the light.

We can know what we don’t want, what isn’t right for us, by what feels dark, scary. What we’re afraid of.

So if we’re afraid to lose him because we don’t know if there’s anything better out there, that would be the dark.

But then there’s this beautiful place of light that few of us have been told about. It’s where we find what we do want.

It’s like marching for what we want vs. protesting against what we don’t want. There’s a beautiful difference there that happens in the energy you create and put out there.

So when you focus on what you do want instead of what you’re afraid of that you don’t want, you’re in the light. We know if something’s right for us by whether we feel like we’re in the dark or the light.Continue Reading

Should I Hang On or Let Go?

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Close up of hands of romantic couple holding together loosely with sun rays on a white sky.
I don't know whether to keep hanging on or just let him go.

One of our gorgeous readers, Holly, is currently going through what so many of us have gone through before. Things were going so well but now her boyfriend has changed and he's getting distant. She's wondering if she should hang on, or just let go.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now.

I moved in with him soon after we met, we were having a great time and I was so happy. We were always together and out doing fun things all the time, out for meals, visiting family together, taking trips on holiday, planning ahead.

He told me how much I meant to him, how great I was, and we were so in love.

However, I feel things have turned for the worst recently - as the relationship towards the end of the year we began to argue a lot in the house and he began to get upset living with me.Continue Reading

When “No-Contact” Doesn’t Work

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Portrait of young pretty woman sitting at a table wondering if no contact will work with her boyfriend.
Am I just fooling myself thinking I can do "no contact"?

We’re told we’re strong if we just cut our losses and walk away.

Go “no-contact”, we’re told, and we’ll feel better faster.

They’ve heard enough from us. These people who love us and only want the best for us, can’t understand why we would put ourselves through this even one moment more.

And so, with heavy hearts, but a strong resolve, we say goodbye, we shut the door, and we finally let go and move on.

We don’t answer their calls or texts. We block them on social media. We block their number.

We strengthen our resolve with calls to our girlfriends who remind us just how much better off we are without them.Continue Reading

He's Perfect, Except For...

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Close up of a male musician playing acoustic guitar
He'd be absolutely perfect if it wasn't for this one little thing.

The letter this week covers a topic that I hear from so many of you that I almost could have just written this as an open letter to the community!

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

In November, I met a wonderful guy.

After the first date, he and I agreed that we felt a strong connection and wanted to date each other exclusively. My boyfriend is truly a great guy with all the qualities I've been looking for in a potential husband and father to future children.

We've talked of getting married and having a family in the near future.

Now for the part I'm struggling with and could use some advice...but let me start off by saying we do have an age difference...I'm 28 and he's 20. My boyfriend is unemployed. He has been since before we started dating.

I expressed my concern for this situation at the very beginning. He lives with his grandparents. He's basically the only member of the family that helps them with daily needs and chores around their house.

He uses his grandmother's vehicle.Continue Reading

Finding Real Love

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Beautiful happy couple in love enjoying embrace of each other and tenderly smiling
It's real love. The kind I always wanted but didn’t quite understand until now.

You’ve asked me what it looks like. You’ve asked me how it happens.

And as much as I try to give you words that I hope will resonate most with you, there is nothing that compares to hearing from someone who was just like you, asking me these same questions.

Someone who wanted nothing more than to know the "what" and the "how" as well.

You met her on the blog about a year and a half ago, when she wrote to me after a devastating breakup, questioning "Will I Ever Find Someone Else?" Now, I have a follow-up letter from her that she wrote to share with our community.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have been meaning to write you for some time now to update you on my journey.

I’m not sure if you would remember me, but I wrote to you about a year and a half ago, writing under the alias “Looking for Hope"...

I had just ended an engagement with an emotionally unavailable man; I felt so heart-broken from my past and scared for the future, but what I felt the most was confusion. I didn’t know how or why what had happened with my ex-fiancé happened, but deep down I knew there were answers to those questions.

It was your blog and coaching sessions that was the beginning of me peeling away to get to the root of that confusion.Continue Reading

I Have Almost No Self-Esteem Left

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands because her self esteem is so low.
My self esteem is completely gone because of his hurtful words.

What do you do when the relationship that you're in has simply worn you down to the point that you have almost no self-esteem left, but you just can't bring yourself to let go and move on? Our story this week comes from gorgeous Angelina, who can't imagine life without him, but is feeling completely broken down at this point.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane.

Please allow  me to preface this to say that my husband is my first real love and I have identified myself with my marriage so long that not only is this excruciating but I also have almost no self esteem left because I forgot who I was.

From day one I always had misgivings about the person who is now my husband and we even argued a little on our first date but I let his other qualities shine through and chose to ignore his anger and tendency towards cruelty until the more problems we faced in life, (his overbearing, overly intrusive Eastern European minded mother and housing issues along with his demanding job) took a toll on me.

I felt we didn't handle any of these issues as a team, just him wearing me down with his anger and near total hatred of me until I caved in but this never felt right so I'd stand up for myself by getting angry at him.

He is so stubborn and his mother has messed his mind up so much, (she is very very good at guilting him and passing on her hysterics to him, she wants to be the first person in his relationship calling all the shots of the marriage), that I found myself reacting in anger and frustration to try to get him to do anything good for himself.Continue Reading

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