One of our beautiful readers, Anna, is feeling hurt and confused, and is wondering if it's time for her to move on - here's her story and my thoughts:
Hello, thank you for reading my letter.
I'm 46 years old, fit, attractive mum and works full time. I've been dating a 55 year old man for almost 3 years. His children are grown up and all moved out and I still have a 16 year old daughter at home. He is a truck driver and begins work at 3 am and returns home at 3 pm. I work regular hours.
We do not live together and I don't let him stay over because we've never discussed a future together, he's always treated our situation as a day by day thing. I don't want a man to stay over unless I'm in a proper committed relationship and I have my daughter to consider and set an example to, my opinion anyway!
He is a kind man but he's never really there for me in times of need, if there's a problem where I need male help, it's not him! Due to his job, he tells me he's often tired and needs to catch up with rest in the weekends.
We have never been away in a weekend or holiday, he may come for dinner to my place through the week but it's like eat and run. Come the weekend and we may just go out for dinner on a Saturday night.
His family always come first, if they need money, he just hands it out so easily but he appears very tight with his money when it comes to me but I've never asked him for money even though at times I struggle being a single mum.
Our sex life is amazing but that's seems to be the only thing that's great.
I try to discuss a future with him but he doesn't really get involved in the conversation and never expresses where he wants to see this situation of ours going.
I express my feelings and thoughts to him, I raise having a holiday together, I talk about living together, I tell him how I feel but I'm just don't seem to be getting anywhere with him? I get so frustrated at times that I feel like I'm wasting my time and just settling for a dating pattern only!
We've broken up a couple of times but then he calls me and tells me he loves me and wants me but then things go back to exactly the same old situation, there's no progress or change. I feel I've opened my life to him but I feel he has his family on one side and me on the other, sometimes I feel he doesn't really care about me and that I'm just a habit to him?
I don't know what to make of it but my family sees I'm not really happy and feel I can do better but I feel so attached to him and it's hard to let go. I haven't spoken to him in 3 weeks now due to another one of those little break ups again as I told him not to contact me unless he's genuinely serious about having a proper committed relationship with me.
I'm so much hurting and confused but I'm trying hard to keep busy and not think about him too much but up till now, I've heard nothing from him, should I just let go and move on?
It's always in that space you give someone that you find out what you really mean to them. It sounds like he's perfectly content with the way things are - all on his terms. So you have to decide whether he's worth it.
If he is, if being with him on his clear terms that he's made clear to you by the way he behaves with you and by the way he treats you, is better than being alone or without him, then that's the choice you make. If it's not, if he's not worth it, if you have different terms and they're not compatible, then make that choice.
You're always the one doing the choosing, my beautiful friend; even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. You can't make anyone love you, you can't change anyone or make anyone change or see things your way. It always comes down to two people and whether or not you're both on the same page and want the same thing with each other. And then if you're both willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
He may say he loves you and wants you back when you're broken up, but what does that really mean to him? Is it enough for him to come far enough your way? Of course he misses what he has with you. He's so lucky to be with someone like you!
We sell ourselves short all too often for so many different reasons based on where we're at, what we're afraid of, or what we feel we need from someone else and can't live without or give ourselves. And we can be pretty convincing to ourselves of why we should put up with more than what we know in our hearts we should.
You're worth the whole package, Anna, but we all have our reasons and our motivations and why we choose what and who we do is a very personal thing.
Choose you first and foremost, and then make the decision that gives you the greatest amount of peace and calm, and leaves you with the least amount of regrets. You are so right; you have a beautiful daughter to set an example for; she will learn to be strong and know her worth from you.
What do you think? Is it time for Anna to let go and move on? Tell us your thoughts here in the comments!