Dating

The posts in the dating category relate to the early stages of a relationship, before the two of you are exclusive. The dating category includes topics such as where to find men, how do I find Mr. Right?, first dates, should you call him, etc.

5 Warning Signs You're Dating A Womanizer

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Here are a few red flags that would definitely indicate a potential for womanizer status. A beautiful woman is on a date with a guy that she is wondering is a womanizer. — If he's moving very quickly he may be a womanizer.

Wondering if your Prince Charming is really just a smooth womanizer? Check out this article I wrote for YourTango for a few warning signs…

You've just met a man who, at least on the surface, seems to be your dream guy. He's attractive, funny, charming, successful and his smile (let alone the thought of his caress) makes you weak in the knees. You go out on a date or two, and he's nothing short of perfect. He treats you like a queen, compliments your sense of style and tells you all of the things that you've been longing to hear from a guy.

So how do you know this guy's the real thing and not just some womanizer who's going to disappear after your first slumber party? While the only way to know for sure is to pass the test of time, here are a few red flags that would definitely indicate a potential for womanizer status.

1. He has a reputation. If your girlfriends have warned you that he uses women and throws them away, you need to listen to them and know he's most likely a womanizer. Granted, there's a small chance that you are the woman that can change him, but even if you do, you'll just wind up spending the rest of your relationship worrying he's going to revert back to his old womanizing ways. It's very likely a guy like this will.

2. He moves fast. Before you've even had a chance to meet his friends and family Continue reading on YourTango.com

The Reason Your Type Is Not Really Your Type

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If you are anything like I was back when I was single, you know exactly what your type is. You can spot him as soon as he walks in the room. He's got that certain look, that air of confidence, that vibe that calls you out like no one else in the room. And when the two of you finally talk, finally connect, it all becomes that much more obvious to you: This is it! He's the one! This is your guy! Usually sooner, rather than later. And then you're off, once again.

It starts off amazing, like nothing you've ever experienced before. He says all the things you've been waiting to hear, he does everything that you've been dreaming of, and you find yourself unable to do much of anything else except think of him. It doesn't matter that you barely know him or that you just met; those first blissful days and weeks have you convinced he's different from all the rest.

Except that it hasn't worked out quite the way it seemed. In spite of all its potential – all his potential – here you are once again. Alone and heartbroken wondering what's wrong with you. It was the same story, the same guy, just a different face and name. And even though you told yourself it was going to be different this time, it wasn't.

I have good news for you: It wasn't you. There isn't anything wrong with you. The problem is with who you're choosing, who you're attracted to and why you're attracted to him. Because the reality is this type you're so attracted to isn't working out for more than one reason.

These men you're attracting may seem like your type, but the reality is, they're not. You deserve so much more than the surface relationship they're offering you, based on all the bells and whistles but nothing of the substance that makes up a real relationship. You may think this is what you want, that he's the type who can give you what you're looking for if only he was ready for a commitment or on the same page as you, but the reality is, he's not there and he's not going to get there anytime soon, if ever.

You see, the real you isn't willing to settle for this one type that never works out. The real you knows that there is so much more to love and being in a relationship with someone than this! He isn't looking for the same things you are. This type wants so much less than you know in your heart you're worth! He may want the surface relationship without a commitment, but that isn't who you really are!

This type of guy you're so attracted to isn't real. He's based on a fantasy you have of what a relationship should be like and what happily-ever-after looks like from the fairytales, the movies and TV shows and romance novels we've been led to believe are real. But they're not. A real, committed relationship requires two real people who know the difference between fantasy and reality and aren't afraid to find out if this might be the relationship you've both been looking for!

Deep down inside, you know all this. Every time your type hasn't worked out, and you ask yourself what is wrong with you, your true self knows that this isn't about there being anything wrong with you; but about two people on two different pages who want different things. You can't make someone love you; you can't make someone change. What you can do is get to know yourself, the real you. And take a pass on the type that isn't working. Over time, you'll find yourself less attracted to this type that had such a hold on you before, and you'll learn that it's only when you're with someone real, who's on the same page as you, in a relationship based on the reality of what is, not what you know it could be if only he were different, that you'll get to that turning point where you'll find that relationship your heart has been longing for.

That, my beautiful friend is everything you deserve!

Is It Impossible to Find a Guy That Wants a Commitment?

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My mother was out for an all too short two week visit, and, as usual, I cried when we dropped her off at the airport last week to fly home. I'm never ready for her to leave. When she got home she told me all about the young woman she sat next to on the plane, and her story sounded so familiar and universal that my heart just went out to her. I was her not so long ago, and from so many of the letters I receive I know that so many of you out there are going through the same thing. If I knew who she was, this is what I would tell her.

To the young woman on the plane:

I don’t know your name or really anything about you, but my mom told me she sat next to you on her plane trip home last week. She said that you had a conversation about dating, love and relationships, and you told her you were taking a break from men. You’ve had enough of giving your heart away and getting nothing but heartbreak in return. And you’re wondering what you’re doing wrong, what you should be doing differently, and how to tell if a guy is really interested in you or if he's just in it for one thing. You just want to be in a committed relationship with a guy who wants to commit to you, too, but somehow, you’re finding this next to impossible to find.

So I have something to say to you, my young, beautiful friend with so many dreams for the future:

Don’t give yourself away.

Don’t commit to him any more than he’s committing to you.

Don’t put him on a pedestal, ever.

Don’t go looking for someone to choose you; you do the choosing!

Don’t get taken in by his good looks and charm; you need to get to know him, the real him, before you know if he’s even someone you want to be with in the first place.

Don’t ever settle for someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated; you know what you deserve, even if you don’t always remember this in the heat of the moment.

I know it’s not always easy to remember these, much less stick to them when you’re so sure this guy is different from all the rest and he’s saying and doing all the right things and he's oh so charming. I had to learn these things the hard way, and so I know firsthand just how hard it is to actually stay strong enough to follow these.

But if you’re going to have a different type of relationship next time, with a different type of guy, this is what you need to do. Especially do not give him your body and soul before enough time has passed for him to prove to you that he truly is worth any part of you.

You see, my beautiful friend, it’s by your actions and by your behavior that you teach him how to treat you; you let him know what your boundaries are; you tell him what you will and will not put up with. If he doesn’t like it, if he wants more, if he pressures you or makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you, those are all sure signs that he’s not what you want. He’s no loss. This is one of those times to be glad you found out early, rather than later. Because that’s the whole reason for following these guidelines.

It will separate the men from the boys.

The players from the real guys. The ones you want to get to know better versus the ones who don’t deserve another second of your time and energy, much less your heart and soul.

Let him go, and know that if he doesn't come back he wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t the right one for you. It’s only his loss, not yours. And the best part is you’ll find this out sooner rather than later. Before that kind, tender, loving, giving heart of yours gets broken again.

So What If He Hasn't Called

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her. — Do you see a pattern here?

I remember it all too well. We had exchanged phone numbers, and now the ball was in his court. Then the anxiety would start: Would he call? How long would it take? Why hasn't he called? Did he lose my number? Should I call him? Has it been too long?

There was so much stuff around that all important phone call. Even if he had already made that initial call, it didn't always change. Instead, it became: Would he call again? How long would he wait before he called again? If I call him, will he call me back? If we talked about getting together and then he didn't call, what did that mean? What if the plans weren't firm? How long is too long? And on and on and on.

You get the picture.

And even though we know we can call him if we really want to, if it means more to us to ease our own anxiety than to wonder when or if he'll call, we don't really want to. We just want him to call us.

So because this seems to be an almost universal condition of us loving, giving, well intentioned women, this waiting and wondering why and when we're going to hear from him, I've given this some thought lately. And here's the way I see it:Continue Reading

Having the Confidence to Just Say "Next!"

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She's confident, so sure of herself, that everyone around her knows she's not going to accept anything less than she deserves. So full of confidence. A table card with the word "Next" sits on a white table. — Photo Credit: Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos"

What do you do when you're simply not the type who can just say "next!" when he doesn't call or when he won't give you the commitment you want? I know, it's not you. But you so want it to be.

You know exactly the type. She's got that mesmerizing confidence, so sure of herself, that everyone around her knows that she not only knows what she wants, but that she's not going to accept anything less. She's not going to sell herself short and she wouldn't dream of settling.

But you're not her, and you can only wonder how she got there. So full of confidence and sure of herself.

But what you don't know is that she never used to be this way either. She never used to be able to just say "next!" and let him go like that as soon as he wasn't treating her the way she knew she deserved. She had to learn how to do this just like you are going to learn to do this too, so that one day, you will be the one that everyone looks up to and wonders how you did it, how you got to be this strong and confident in yourself.

It begins with getting a life. It continues with living that life. It gets better with an unwavering commitment to yourself above all else.

It means having enough support for the real person that you are by people who love you and bring you up instead of tearing you down.

It means you know the difference between being alone and being lonely, and you're not afraid of either.

It means you know yourself well enough to like yourself. It means you choose to love yourself because you know you were created as you are for a reason, and you are here at this time and place for a reason bigger than you can understand.

It means you know your worth because you truly understand, and know in your heart that no one is worth more than anyone else. You really get that, and you don't feel the need to prove your worth to anyone. You say yes or you say no, but you don't respond out of guilt because you don't need to feel guilty, and you don't do things to try to please others because you know that the most important thing is to be true to yourself. Real people see though that and don't want a surface relationship like that with you!

It means you set and stick to your firm boundaries, you won't accept bad behavior and you know what that looks like. You know you've set the bar high enough and that you won't let anything less than what you really want slip through. You know you don't ever have to accept anything less than this because you know you control how people treat you by whether or not you allow them in your life if they aren't willing to live up to your standards!

It means you know you deserve nothing less than this and you refuse to let anyone, no matter who they are, treat you any other way because you know it's only in refusing to settle for anything less than you deserve, that you will eventually find only what you do deserve!

Once this has become your mantra, deeply ingrained in you, you will find that you surprise even yourself in how quickly you're able to say "Next!" when a man isn't treating you the way you know you deserve to be treated.

And then everyone will be looking at you, wondering how you got there.

Long Distance Relationship? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself

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So many of you have come to me with questions about long-distance relationships and how to make the best of them and what to do when you’re in them, that it’s time to delve a little deeper into what makes them work or not work. Whether they’ve turned into a long-distance relationship because he’s gone into the military, because he’s taken a job somewhere else, or whether you’ve been apart from the start, the reality is they’re never easy to be in, especially when your heart wants to be with him. You just never seem to have enough time to talk about the things you want to talk about when you don’t see each other on a regular basis.

So how do you make it better? How to get through this? What do you with the insecurities and doubts that this type of relationship often brings up? There are always so many questions, but few answers.

Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself:Continue Reading

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5 Warning Signs You're Dating A Womanizer

The Reason Your Type Is Not Really Your Type

Is It Impossible to Find a Guy That Wants a Commitment?

So What If He Hasn't Called

Having the Confidence to Just Say "Next!"

Long Distance Relationship? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself

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