It's been awhile since it ended, and you start thinking that enough time has gone by that it might be nice to reach out and see how he's doing. To see how he now feels about you, about the relationship, now that some time has passed. To see if anything has changed.
You didn't really want it to end, but he wasn't ready for what you were ready for, and things just weren't the same, so you finally accepted that the only thing left to do for yourself and your self-esteem was to let go and let him go free. It just wasn't working out the way you'd so hoped it would.
Or maybe he ended it, saying he just wasn't ready for any kind of real relationship, the kind of commitment you were looking for from him.
Whatever the reason, whoever initiated the ending, whatever it looked like in the end, it ended.
And now, here you are, thinking about him again, about what might have been, about what could still be if only he would give you and the relationship another chance.
You had no idea just how much this would hurt. Just how painful it would be to live without any part of him in your life, even if what you got from him was so little. This feels so much worse.
So you call him, text him, or maybe email him. And the response you get leaves you feeling so much worse than you ever felt the first time. You can't believe you read him so wrong. He's not missing you. He's moved on. He wasn't waiting for you to call.
Or worse, he doesn't answer you at all, just leaves you hanging on again, feeling worse than if you had never contacted him at all.
Don't go there.
The bottom line is, don't do this. Don't put yourself through this.
You see, my beautiful friend, he knows. It doesn't matter how it ended. It doesn't matter if he ended it, if you finally had enough and ended it yourself or if it slowly ended on its own from lack of attention or attrition, the end result is the same.
He knows that you didn't want it to end. He knows all too well just how much you wanted it to be different. He knows it's about him. He knows it's over because he's not ready to give you what you had every right to want from him in a relationship – the kind of commitment everyone deserves.
But he wasn't able to do it, and he is still isn't. He knows it's his move, his choice. He knows it's up to him. Whether or not he won't, or can't, or just isn't capable of changing, he knows what needs to change to make this relationship work. And nothing has changed if you're the one still reaching out to him for another chance, another try.
If it's going to be, it's not up to you; it has to come from him. And you'll know because he'll be the one reaching out to you. But don't hold your breath, my sweet friend, because he doesn't think like you do. Don't go there.
Call a friend instead.
Call someone you trust your tears with, and let it all out.
Of course it hurts, of course it feels like you'll never find love again. Like you'll never find anyone to love again like him. And of course it will feel like those crumbs you settled for were so much better than this. But they weren't. And he wasn't worth what you put yourself through. And that beautiful, soft heart of yours deserves so much more than this.
No matter how much this makes you feel like love just doesn't exist for you, don't let you heart get hardened. This isn't about him, it's really about you. And how much there is just waiting for you out there if you can go through this now until you get to the other side.
I promise you that one day, this will all make sense, and you will see so clearly what you can't see today, or tomorrow or even the next day after that. But one day, soon, you will wake up after finally being able to sleep again, and you will see that glimmer of sunshine peer out from underneath all those dark clouds, and you will discover a whole new world of love and life just waiting for you to take a chance on it.
Tomorrow's a new day, and it will be here soon. But don't do this to yourself today. It will only make you feel so much worse.
For now, you're learning that you do have strength that you never knew you had, that you do have worth beyond what you ever even knew.
This is your time to find yourself and your you again. Go and find her; she's wonderful.