You really can.
This standing up for yourself, this setting boundaries and standing firm for what you know you deserve and refusing to settle for anything less even though you're lonely, even though you miss him, even though you're so used to convincing yourself it's ok that you actually believe it is.
I know it's hard. I know you want to do anything but this.
I know you want it to be easy.
To just flow. To be like you've heard and seen in all those romance novels and movies and happily after fairy tales you remember from your childhood.
I know you feel like you've been sold a bill of goods, that it wasn't supposed to turn out this way, that it wasn't supposed to be this complicated or this heartbreaking.
I know exactly how you feel because I always felt this way too.
And I still do.
Because like so many of you, so many times I have to be dragged kicking and screaming to finally get something, to finally get that I have to be strong even though I don't want to be, even though I want it to be easy, even though I don't want to fight for myself, even though I keep telling myself that it wasn't supposed to be this way!
It's a life pattern, not just a relationship pattern.
And all too often, I get stuck in the way I think it should be and forget that none of that really matters. The way it should be, the way I wanted it to be, the way it was promised it would be, doesn't matter at all. The only thing that matters is what is. What really is. The rest is all just wasted time and energy. Lots of it.
So as much as we try to resist, as much as we don't want to have to stand up for ourselves one more time and go through this again, we have to.
You have to.
Because if you don't, life has a way of coming back around and around and setting up the same lessons that you need to learn. And you will be so much better once you learn these, even if you can't see it right now. I know this all too well, because so many of us are where we're at because we are so emotional. And being emotional, thinking with our sensitive emotions that make us soft and sensitive and understanding and compassionate and empathetic and caring and loving - I could go on and on here; these wonderful qualities make us who we are and make the world a better place because we're in it with these qualities.
But it does make life harder on us.
It makes us long for a soft, warm place where we can find someone who will love us with all their hearts and find a place to call home with them. But this isn't about letting your heart get hardened, you can keep all those beautiful, sensitive parts of yourself while still being strong for the one person that deserves the kind of strength I'm talking about here – you. And that's why this isn't one you can skip over. Because you're worth so much more than just sitting by and letting life and love treat you this way.
This isn't the way life and love is meant to be.
It's not. It's time to stand up and be heard, to show your beautiful strength, to stand up for who you are and what you believe in, to refuse to back down and change your mind just because someone makes you feel so small. You are that strong. You are all that. You and only you let the world know how it can treat you.
We let our beautiful hearts and our souls run so much of our lives and we have a hard time seeing the logical, practical side of things. We have such a hard time thinking with our heads because it's our hearts where we live most of the time, and so we can't understand why everyone else seems to have such an easier time figuring this out.
But we all come to this in our own time, as part of our own journey. When we're ready, we get it. We get that it's only in standing up like this, in speaking up for ourselves, in setting the rules for how we will allow someone to treat us, regardless of who he is or what he does for us. It's only by being so clear on who we are and what and who we will allow in our lives that we can find that resolve within ourselves to stand up and keep standing up for ourselves and what we believe in and what we stand for. It's worth it.
You're worth it.
I know it's not that easy path it was supposed to be. I know it's hard. I know it shouldn't be like this. I know they never said anything about this part, the part you're going through right now. But when you make it a habit of living your life like this, when you live your life standing up for you, when you get just how much you're worth standing up for – always, it will get easier and it will be such a richer life you're living. Without all this stuff that weighs on you, without all their stuff that you allow them to weigh on you. You can't please them, so stop trying. You can't convince him, so stop trying. You can't make him love you, so stop trying. You can't make anyone do anything different if they don't want to themselves. You can't change anyone but yourself.
It's you again, my beautiful friend. It always comes back to you. And you, I'm telling you, can do this one, too!