And yet here you are again, with another man who seems to be battling commitment phobia, settling for whatever he'll give because you've gone there once again. It might have started out innocently enough, with him acting and talking like he's on the same page as you. Or he might have come right out and told you he's not ready for anything serious, and yet you still believe that you and your love can change anyone. Either way, if it's a commitment you're looking for, no matter how amazing he seems, no matter how attractive he is, no matter how much he seems like everything you've been looking for in a man, the smartest thing you can do is hold onto your you and refuse to commit to him any more than he's committing to you.
The more attracted you are to him, the harder this is going to be for you. But just because there's that spark, that energy, that attraction you feel on so many levels, doesn't mean that he's the one for you or that he's looking for the same thing you are (read: a commitment). It only means that you are attracted to someone that you don't know very well yet, and you certainly don't know if he's on the same page as you when it comes to something as important to you as commitment.
A harsh reality.
I know; you don't want to hear this. You don't want me to burst your bubble like this. But the reality is that all too often we get our hearts involved so deeply, our emotions embroiled in someone who says and does all the right things, that we forget to bring our more practical thinking side with us. Because the reality is, you don’t know enough about him yet to make a decision about him. He hasn't shown you his true self. You don't know how much you have in common. You don't know if you're compatible with him in the truest sense of compatibility beyond the attraction and excitement stage. And most important of all, he hasn't proven himself to be worthy of you and all that you are and all that you have to offer!
The downward spiral.
But the problem is, once you've gone there, once you're in over your head and letting your emotions take over, it's too late. He'll know he's got you. He'll know he doesn't have to do much more to keep you. He'll know that he doesn't have to give you that level of commitment you really want to you to keep you in his life. He's gotten to know you well enough to know that you're the kind that's worth keeping around for when he is ready to commit to you. But that's not good enough for you! And it's not even close to what you deserve! And by then, you won't be able to get out. You'll be in so over your head, you'll have given so much of yourself away, that you won't be able to extricate yourself from him without a whole lot of heartbreak.
But it's changeable.
By keeping one single thought in mind from the very beginning that you first meet someone, or cast a glance in his direction.
Don't commit to him any more than he's committing to you.
So, if he's not willing to give you the kind of commitment that you know you want, this means:
- You don't give him your emotional or physical self.
- You don't make excuses for him.
- You don't wait for him.
- You don't put him on a pedestal.
- You don't give him any more time or energy than you give anyone else in your life.
The point is that you are meeting him where he is, you are accepting the reality of his lack of commitment for what it is, and you are living your life within that reality. You are pursuing your own interests, your own passions, and you are open to anyone who can give you the kind of committed relationship that you truly want. You realize that you are the one that's in control - it's your decision whether to stay or leave. You have the power to decide the fate of the relationship - you can stay and hedge your bets by keeping yourself open to other possible relationships, or you can leave at any time. Truly knowing this deep down in your heart, and living your life this way will give you the power and the confidence that you need to be the strong woman that you truly are.
You are powerful.
You can do this. I know you can. And in the process, you'll find out what he's really made of and whether he's really worth your you. And then, and only then, when he's committing to you first, before you go there, you'll find a relationship unequal to anything you've ever had before. But you'll never know, you'll never have the chance to find out what you have is with someone who is on the same page as you, until you demand nothing less from him and refuse to settle for anything less than that full commitment you really want.
And that, my beautiful friend, is everything you deserve!