You've read my post Why Won't He Commit? 7 Things You Can Do To Move Things Along. You've tried everything I've suggested, and now the only thing you're left wondering is how long do you wait to see if he comes around and gives you the kind of commitment that you're looking for? You're so not alone if this is where you're at. Of all the questions I'm asked, this is by far one of the most common.
The simple honest answer is you should never wait for someone to come around to commit to you! Honestly, if he isn't on that same page as you, open and in touch with himself enough to know what he wants and that he wants a committed relationship in the first place, before he met you, waiting around for him to come around to where he is finally ready for commitment to you is wasting your time.
He's not going to come around and commit to you because you're waiting for him. In fact, the very fact that he knows you're waiting for him, and willing to put your life on hold to wait to see if he does commit, lets him know that he's more important than you; that you value him more than you value yourself, and leaves him with no motivation to figure out what it is he's really looking for, why he's behaving like this with you, and what he would be losing when you finally give up on him and leave.
But more importantly, what does all of this waiting around do to you? What it does to your self-esteem, your self-confidence, your beautiful you as you send yourself the message that you are not worth anything better than this! That you don't deserve better than someone you have to wait around for to see if he'll one day be ready to give you the kind of commitment that you deserve – that every woman deserves. And you deserve to have it without having to convince someone of your worth!
If he doesn't know you're worth it by now, he never will.
Honestly, hear me loud and clear here. I can't tell you how many times I waited for someone to come around, for a real commitment, only to deal with the same cold, hard truth every single time: he was't ever going to commit no matter what I did or didn't do, no matter how long I waited. And I hear this same story over and over again repeated in the stories of women just like you who waited longer than they wished they had. He never came around for them either.
If he isn't committing to you now, he's not going to anytime soon.
We all buy into the same fantasy, thinking that if we're just more of what he is looking for; if we can just show him how we really are all that; if we can just become the woman of his dreams, then we can make him want to commit to us – is simply that. A fantasy. It may sell a lot of movie tickets and make for a great romance novel, but it isn't what reality is all about. It just doesn't happen like that in real life.
The real story.
He knows how you feel. He knows all that you have to offer him. He knows what you're looking for and he knows it's up to him to make the next move. He knows this commitment phobia is all about him even if he tries to put it on you and make you feel that you're doing something wrong. He knows there's something going on with him, some reason he just can't make himself commit to you, but the difference is he's not willing or able to change, to make it happen, even though he knows it will probably mean he will lose you in the end.
His own stuff is just too great to get him there. And this is not yours to carry! The more likely story is that he will end up learning more about himself and how he is in a relationship from his relationship with you and he will use it as a stepping stone to make his next relationship better. But the key point for you to take from this is that you can't change him. And losing you when he knows full well what he's losing isn't going to be enough to get him to make that commitment. It might help wake him up for next time, and it might even get him close. But the chance of him coming around while you're waiting just isn't the story that you're most likely to see happen.
So what do I do?
I know that so many of you are going to believe that your situation is different. That your guy is different. That he really is that close. And that's ok. I totally understand. I did too - many times. There is that small chance he will come around. So if you're going to wait, don't just wait. Live. Live your life. Don't think about him. Don't focus on him. Don't wonder what he's doing or try to figure him out. Don't obsess over what's going on. Don't pressure him. Don't keep talking to him about this.
Just do it.
Your actions will say so much more than your words. Don't be available. Be out living your life for real. Don't call him, be busy enough that you don't need to. It's not about playing games, it's about living your own passionate life, pursuing your own dreams, your own interests, your own life. And if he comes around while you're out living your own life, focusing on you; great.
But don't put your life on hold, your potential for meeting someone else on hold while waiting for him. You deserve so much more than this. And deep down inside, that beautiful woman who deserves only the best life and love have to offer knows this, too!