One of our gorgeous readers, Angela, has found herself stuck in the friend zone after the guy she was dating decided he wasn't ready for a relationship after all. The problem is, he wants to be close friends, but she still has strong feelings for him - she doesn't know what to do!
Here's what she wrote:
Hi Jane,
I was seeing someone for about a month. Everything was perfect until he dropped a bomb on me saying that he thought he was ready for a relationship, but he is not.
He says a relationship is not in his mind set, he just want to take time and find himself and figure out what he wants. He says he's not seeing anyone and not interested in dating anyone. He just wants to take care of himself.
But here's the thing, he wants us to be friends, more like best buddies. He keeps in touch everyday, we chat everyday. He checks on me if I don’t respond to his chats, he comes to my house just to say "Hi".
He wants us to hang out and do stuff together, such as road trips, movies. He wants us to be free and talk about everything.
What does all this mean?
I am sticking around as a friend because I still like him.
-Angela
My Response:
Dear Angela,
I’m so glad you reached out. Of course you’re confused!
One day everything’s perfect and you think you’re both going in the same direction, the next he drops this bomb on you. And I’ll bet that’s exactly what it felt like.
He’s not ready even though he thought he was. Ouch!
So I’m going to make this really, really clear for you.
What he means is that he thought he was ready for a relationship, but he’s not, so this is what he IS ready for.
Being friends. Being best buddies. Keeping in touch everyday. Being free to talk about everything, etc., etc. Basically, everything except the romantic part, and, more importantly, everything except the commitment.
Everything you’re seeing from him by his words and how he’s behaving is telling you exactly what he wants from you. Except the missing piece that he’s not talking about. That he wants all this without the pressure of being in an actual relationship with you.
I know you don't want to believe it. I'm hearing you.
You're seeing that his actions aren't matching his words, that he's acting like so much more than the "just friends" bomb he's just dropped on you. So you're thinking there's a chance he's going to come around if you only keep yourself in the running. Of course you want to stay close enough to make sure he doesn't forget about just how perfect you are for him when he finally decides he is ready for a relationship again.
But here's the problem. You don't want to be just friends with him.
You're saying you're sticking around around as a friend becuase you like him, but isn't it really because that's the only way for you to stick around at all? Isn't this all about you compromising on what you want, because you know the only way to have anything to do with him is to accept his terms?
The difficult part of this is being able to do it without losing yourself, having your heart broken and finding out you really couldn’t just stick around as a friend because you still like him.
That’s where this road leads, Angela. That's the hard part.
He can do this because it’s where he’s at. But if this isn’t where you’re at, then you’re not on the same page as he is, and pretending you are when you’re not makes this really, really, hard on you. It keeps you fooling yourself. It keeps you not moving on, when moving on is exactly what you need to do here.
Believe him when he says he’s not ready for a relationship.
Of course he enjoys your company and wants to still have everything he had with you when he thought he was ready! Without the pressure, it's easy for him to like it this way. But when does that change? When does he decide he's so enjoying this no strings attached version of a non-relationship "friendship" that he decides to add another woman under these same terms - without mentioning anything to you? After all, you're just friends, right?
It's OK. Almost every single one of us on here has been there before. It's why so many of us learned this the hard way!
But my concern for you in choosing to stay friends with him because you still really like him, is that you're only going to be fooling yourself. And more importantly, you'll likely be missing out on someone who actually is ready for a relationship right now, just like you are.
I know it won't be him. Right now I'm sure it doesn't feel like there'll be anyone but him. But ask anyone who's been here and they'll agree with what I'm telling you when I say that what you've got without the relationship piece isn't worth nearly what it seems to be right now. Most of the time it leads to even greater heartbreak, wasted time, and pining for someone who isn’t ready for something you're ready for when you could be with someone who is!
It also concerms me that it’s what HE wants, and not what you want. That’s a slippery slope into settling.
Be honest with yourself. Remember that you’re in control of how this goes. You're the one doing the choosing. Always remember that part. As in you can say “No, this isn’t working for me”. This is how someone respects you. This is how you respect yourself.
You didn’t mention whether or not you’re sleeping with him. If you are (or were), it's very easy to fall back into that again, particularly when you're spending a lot of time together. And then you're going to find yourself in a friends with benefits situation. Or worse, a friends with the occassional booty call situation.
If you're already in a friends with benefits relationship with him, then my question for you is can you stay objective enough to recognize you’ve got nothing more than a relationship – a just friends scenario – when it comes to commitment?
Most of us can’t. Not when we like him. And especially not when we like him a lot.
Bottom line here, Angela, it that right now, this is what he wants. He's being perfectly clear about not wanting to be in a relationship with you. And you're clear that you like him. That this is the last thing in the world you expected from him because you want to be in a relationship with him.
Take him at his word. Move on.
Show him by your actions that unlike him, you ARE ready for a relationship. You DO know what you want! And unless he wants that too, you're on two different pages. Don't try to convince yourself that you're not. One of the things that makes you so attractive is knowing what you want!
And lest there be any doubt about this part, Angela, if he does decide he's ready for a relationship, this is exactly the way you'll know. By you staying true to yourself. By you moving on. By you remembering that a real relationship only works if you have two people on the same page, making it work together.
If it's meant to be because you both want it to be, I promise you, he'll make sure you're the first to know. And then you'll be the one making the choice of whether he's still worth it to you!
I hope this helps.
Love,
Jane
What do you think Angela should do in this situation? Share your thoughts with all of us below in the comments!
I’ve been seeing this guy since October and everything was so good like a fairy hoe. He was all about me and I was all about him. We spoke about getting into a relationship and plans for the future as of two weeks ago. I noticed he was getting a bit distant, finally got the courage to ask him what’s going on and he explained to me that he is just not in the place right now to be in a relationship. He said that he’s not where he wants to be in life. He says he wants to get closer to God he wants to focus on God. I know he’s very faithful , he told me that he really did have genuine feelings for me that he is grateful and appreciates that he met me He explained to me again how he had plans for us. He wanted the relationship with me, but he has other things he hast to do first. He said that God has other plans for us right now. I never forced a relationship on him. I thought we were just going with the flow. I thought it would just sort of happen naturally because I as well have my traumas that I have to work on and heal. He also mentioned that he does really like me as a person and as a friend and that he would still want to be friends, but if I didn’t want to be friends, he would understand that and I explained to him that unfortunately I can’t Offer him a friendship only because my feelings are not gonna change from one day to another . He says he knows that we will keep in touch. He says he knows that we will cross paths again. All I told him was I 100% understand where he’s coming from. I didn’t fight or argue with him. I told him if you really want to focus on yourself and your faith and become a better person than by all means and if that means I need to leave you alone then I will. I just feel so upset because I had high hopes for us and I still do but I’m not going to wait for anybody so what I’m doing is just no contact letting him closer to God as he says he wants to and I will heal what I have to hear and continue whatever journey God wants
I'm dealing with a similar situation. We've been talking for 5 months. Starting off was very hard.We were friends just kicking it. Nothing more until we got sexually involved with each other. After he asked could we "talk exclusively" i agreed.. when I should have walked away. after 2 months he was still unsure about me & him he just didn't "know" but we kept hanging out.. doing relationship things smh. Going on dates, taking trips together still being sexual with each other etc. we get to January, February.. everything has been smooth no issues or complications. I thought he would have asked me to be his girlfriend... assumed he would because he asked about relationship situations, we had expectations set for each other without realizing it. I've been nothing but loyal to him. Too loyal. March comes (5 months in)....... I feel and notice he starts to pull away/become distant. I ask him is he good and are we good he tells me "yes" (which was a lie). I don't like being lied to. I always ask for Honesty & communication no matter the situation. Then that's when he lays it on me that he doesn't want a relationship with me.... i asked with just only me or just in general he struggled to answer that question... then he proceeds to say hes not in a place for any of type of relationship with anyone, that he has problems within himself(he wont tell me), that hes not happy with wheres he at BUT If i choose to talk and see other people I can and same goes for him. At that moment my heart was ripped out. Not because he didn't want to be with me BUT for 5 months we was building this "friendship foundation" to gradually turn into a relationship that you knew wasn't going to happen... I told him i loved him during my vulnerable moments and i really meant it... I'm just baffled and confused. He always saying "I like you as a person a lot, love spending time with you, i get excited when i see you AND i don't want to lose you as a friend.. i still want us to be BEST FRIENDS" Like I was already dealing with enough only to have this situation added on. Saturday I am meeting him to give his stuff that was left at my house. Honestly I'm not sure what to say to him. My mind is saying leave him be and my heart is 50/50.. leave him be or be a friend from the distance. No more hanging out, going to each others crib.. the whole thing. It just sucks.. I just turned 27, so any advice would help. sorry for the super long paragraph.
Never met a woman yet who stayed and didn't regret it. Choose from your gut not from your many programmed fears.
I was dating a man that I really liked for 3 months. Then his adult daughter was killed in a car accident 7 weeks ago. He says he can never love again and only wants to be friends. The problem is that he is still asking ( and getting) sex from me even though we're broken up. I don't know if this is just the grief talking, or if I'm being strung along?!?!? I met his daughter and yes she really did pass away. Do I stick it out or walk away?
Ladies, love yourself way more than the man that is doing this. I had a lovely chap put me in the friend zone some time back. The thing is, it was working for him and not me. He was getting the companionship he wanted, but I was not getting the fullness of a relationship that I wanted.
He would do just enough to keep me responding, like breadcrumbs. You know how it goes, every now and then you get the txt conversation. We ride motorbikes have a great many mates in common. He would check in, you doing this ride, yes, ok I will call by and collect you etc etc. I would end the day wondering if things were changing...
Well it never did. So, I finally had that conversation. What are you doing? He told me what and why he couldn't be in a relationship, he loves me, but just can't do it as too scared.
I then told him I was worth so much more than that. I want love, intimacy, if I reach out I want someone who is going to take hold back. I want to make love, be loved. I want to ride, enjoy good company, laugh, experiences and share them. I have missed out on so much after 28 years marriage that was a black hole of nothing. I want it all, I deserve it all.
And this is the most vital part of this ladies, and gentlemen as this goes same for all, as long as this chap was taking up so much of my life, so much space, only wanting the pieces that serve him there was no room for that special love to come into my life. While I was consumed with waiting, hoping, and every moment that goes with that, I was unavailable for anything else.
They don't consciously mean to swallow up our lives, it is just that they don't know what else to do. YOU make the decision. YOU take action. Make life happen for you, don't wait on anyone. Live, laugh and enjoy where you are now.
I so believe that there will be someone for me, but I am not waiting. Have things to do, lots riding and wonderful things to see and experience with all the beautiful amazing people around me.
Much love to you all XO
Exactly, Tracy! Beautifully said. The things we settle for to get those crumbs! Much love to YOU!
This!
I do feel sorry for her but at least he speaks to her .I was like her once.My man would just come and see me for sex 1hr a week .After that he didn't answer my texts.I also had feelings for him..But now no it was Mental Abuse he was useing on me .So never text him as in the end it made me ill
I'll bet it made you ill, Cora. Setlling for "at least he speaks to her" with someone who only sees you for 1 hour a week sex is so beneath you, girl. Promise me you are never going to put yourself in that powerless place again!
You want a relationship and he's not ready rather friends with benefits, but that's not want you want, Girl you have to show him too that you ain't ready with that kind of drama.
Girl all you can do, is to stay strong with that heartbreak, move on, stay away from him for he has said it all, so why stick around with someone who is not ready to commit.
Know watchu want and stick to it without compromise, you are beautiful, valued and loved..Stay strong and move on.
I'm in the same exact situation. Omg this is my story. I'm so heart broken. I don't how to move on. I'm praying so much. I feel lost. I'm hurt. This right here opened my eyes and makes sense. But it hurts........ help someone
Why man want to be friend
Angela,
As hard as it is Jane is right and all this will do is hurt you . He gets all the pleasure of having all he wants from you and what do you get ? (Him when he is available as a friend) It has happened to me too except mine just wanted sex but at first he was all In and it's been hard but I want more so I've had to let go .
You deserve better just remember that !
I’m in the same situation. This women and I have been on and off dating since 2020 and we separated for about 4-6 months she realized that she didn’t want to be with anyone else but her. So we started talking again. She said she didn’t want a relationship right now but also didn’t want to be in the friend zone so we started dating. Everything has been great so far up until this past week. I kept asking questions to reassure myself that things are good between her and I and that she wants to be with me and only me. But she told me in the past that she’s not exactly ready for something more because she just got out of an on and off five-year relationship with someone and just moved out of that situation a month ago. Now she’s saying she just wants a friend not a partner or a relationship just a friend but she wants to be friends with benefits. She said she’s going through the motions and trying to heal and also needs to go to therapy to figure out why she did what she did to her ex and why she did what she did to me and to be a better person and hopefully a better partner. Yes it does suck because the past month spending time with her has been amazing and so has the sex to go from dating to now being friends and I do care about her and I love her very much but we do kind of have a little bit of a past because she hurt me at the end of 2020 the beginning of 2021 so I have a little bit of doubt and trust issues which I’ve been working on but she wanted to start dating and not be in the friend zone and now all the sudden after month she doesn’t wanna date right now and just be friends. I’m definitely gonna have to sit down and talk to her face-to-face because it’s hard to do all this through a phone call or text.
I am in the exact situation. Not friends with benefits at all. He can't get over an 8 year relationship with a woman, that in my opinion, from listening to him was never that good to him. Makes no sense to me.
Why are you around him? Ask yourself why you hang around a person who's emotionally unavailable. He's hung up on someone else. Why? It doesn't matter, what matters is you and your well being. I've been that girl who hangs around the dude who's not over someone else and ended up allowing myself to be used because I thought if I stayed and showed him how great I was he would see me. Needless to say that was the dumbest, most damaging thing I ever did to myself. I'm not saying you will let him use you, but we are very vulnerable when we care about someone and they don't care about us at all or too little. We fall for crumbs. Figure yourself out instead of him and walk away from that. I know you want better and you can find better if you don't settle for less. Hugs.
Amazing words. I need to follow this.
Yes yes your rite ... you need to slowly break away wind this down not always be available go out with friends more flirt with him and tell him about great guys coming on to you drop hints ... pull back to show him what he is losing... men need space to miss you ... if after all this he doesn't want commitment... u won't miss him tat much because your already out and about again and having a social life ?
It took me a year of being in an upsetting relationship to work out that commitment to me means planning a future. And that if he really cared he wouldn't keep coming back as he knew how I felt about him. Reading all the above comments helps heal the sense of foolishness for putting up with all his twists and turns to keep us together but with no definite future. I believe they really don't understand how unkind they are being and that is the very reason we must take the initiative to end it. Maybe the more we talk about it the sooner other women realize it if it happens to them. I think going through this means you would see it coming another time and wouldn't tolerate it at all. Pah! Doesn't seem quite fair does it, a lesson instead if love!
Maybe you could ask him to define "friend" then tell him you're not feeling very friendly! Hahaha!
I can hear you Angela & how I wish I could tell you that what you have right now would lead to love just like in the movies or TV but unfortunately there's a reason why situations like those only exist in the movies/TV. Its because that's totally an illusion meant just for pure entertainment & not a reality. In reality, what you see is what you get. If a guy says he just wants to be friends then take him at his word regardless of what he's been doing to you. Bitter pill to swallow but its better to think long term & not to fall for any short term gratification that you'll later regret .
In addition, I hate to say this but he's not even a friend because if he really is a friend then he wouldn't be doing those things to you because he knows your feelings & would take that into consideration. By the way he's been acting, sounds like he only has his best interest at heart. Friends don't do that to one another.
Bingo, Jackie. I never understand people who call that "friendship".
Hi Angela
YOU may fear hearing the truth or would prefer to ignore what your guy wants but if you don't face the truth now you will likely regret it later on Love sometimes requires letting go. Know that someone else is coming along. You are not meant to be alone. Fill your soul with things that make you happy and you will glow from the inside out.
Hi Angela,
I wish I had understood what I was hearing when I first heard the song below when I was a teenager in the 1960s.
When men say they want to be friends, believe them, and go on with your life. Don't look back. They will respect you for that. More importantly, you will respect yourself. It took me until age 67 to learn this. Never too late to be the woman I was meant to be!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIG3xgIZWZ8
Kind wishes,
Ella
Ella, I was just told five weeks ago after a 15 year relationship that he was moving out and would be gone in ten minutes. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I am 67 and really loved this man, and he has been calling me two or three times a day. After reading all these stories today, I am really understanding what I have to do and move on. yes, I am worth more and he is only holding in case he does find someone else.
Ella, I am too 67 and my manfriend lived with me for fifteen years and five weeks ago announced that he was breaking up our relationship and would be leaving in ten minutes. He calls me two or three times a day and I actually wait for those calls. I was very much in love with him and was hoping to be with him until we died. Since I have read all these stories I am realizing that I must go on without him and will be better off I am sure. I know I am worth more that the way he has treated me. Thank you ladies, for all your support and helping me to realize that I have to forget this man and go on with my life. I know I can do it!!
Thanks again, I am thankful that I found this site.
Angela,
I believe that if you aren't already sleeping together then soon he will definitely push you towards that situation judging by how you described his actions thus far. He's buttering you up. He knows you have feelings for him. He says he wants to be best friends because thats the way to keep you around.
Just admitting that he wants a friends with benefits situation would turn you off and have you pulling away from him because he knows the type of person you are. Men know the types of games they play with our emotions. They do things to see how much they can get away with. The more you allow him to do at the cost of your true feelings the less he will respect you and feel entitled to further control you. All he will see you as is his little puppet. When something doesn't work out with one woman he will know that he still has access to you to fufill his needs so he'll be fine. You don't deserve that. You really need to read between the lines of his actions. Yes he talks to you everyday and seeks you out but that's not because he can't stay away from you due to hidden emotions. He wants to make sure he doesn't lose his influence on you.
Accepting his terms of "being best friends" is like signing a contact with the devil. In his mind that translates as you've accepted doing everything his way, when he wants and how he wants.
Angela, sorry you are going through this. I can speak from experience that this situation never work in our best interest.
I was in a similar situation, only difference is he never asked to be just friends, but flat out told me he could not give me a commitment. I stayed because at the time I felt I could handle it, and wanted to wait it out, since like your guy he would contact me multiple times a day, complimented me, called me his baby his boo, and did all the things that a "real" boyfriend would do. As the years went by I realized that I was unhappy, had to pretend and hide my feelings, could not ask any personal questions since he would shut down or answer in insulting ways.
It's just recently I have decided to end this heartbreaking cycle, and as Jane said realize that I am in control not him.
I have distanced myself from him, never call, or text and honestly now feel indifferent.
The one thing I regret is all the time wasted, all the things I did for him, and all the effort it took of being in a non-relationship for so long.
Do not believe for a minute that this will go anywhere, if he had any romantic feelings for you, he would want to be much more than friends, at least he would want to continue to date you and to see where it would lead. Him wanting to be friends is just code for "He is just not that into you"
The good new is, now you know. he was at least honest earlier than later. Make sure you do what is in your best interest. Hope your heart catches up to your mind on this one.
All the best
Best wishes to you!!! I understand and relate, having been in a similar situation. I couldn't agree more with what you and everyone else said, and of course, Jane. It is so true. If time will change anything, it will be for the worse and not for the better. I hung on for three miserable on-and-off years, choosing to ignore my gut instincts, to accept I had to ignore my feelings, just to keep him around, to put up with being treated like I wouldn't want my daughter ever to be treated, to constantly give him the benefit of the doubt, to understand and be there for him, and so on and so forth. It never got better, no matter how in love I was with him, and no matter how kind and full of empathy I was. He have me mixed signals all.the.time, and when I would ask deeper questions, the reactions were exactly what you describe: he would sulk, ignore me, or flip out. I should have left at the first sign that we were not on the same page, which came very early on (te first month). I didn't, and I regret the wasted time. Three agonizing years. If anything was gained, it was that I learned the super hard way what was obvious from the very beginning. Jane has said this many times, and she is right: we each can learn our truth only when we can, and not a second earlier.
I know how hard it is, but to the original poster and to everyone who has been in the same boat: cut ties with guys who do only what's good for them, while disregarding the very painful position they place you in. If they don't take your feelings into account now, they won't do so in the future either.
Angela, you said you have feelings for him. Let's say he really wants to be friends, not friends with benefits. Imagine that he is talking about other women, flirting with them in front of you. He will be interested in other women and you will be upset all the time. Friends with benefits situation will be just like Jane described. And most likely, this is exactly what he wants. If you say yes, it will be very hard to set boundaries again. Because your feelings will be involved and you will feel powerless for not speaking your truth. Accept that he won't give you what you want. Time won't change that. No matter for how long you agree to live by his rules. But if you say no, you will save yourself from a lot of trouble. Instead of dealing with heartbreak for a long time, you will be free to find the right one.
Lots of love.
Angela I`m afraid I`m gonna have to agree with Jane on this one...please do yourself a favour and walk away. I know it`s not gonna be easy, but having been there myself before I know it`s not gonna work. you want a relationship and he doesn't`simple as that.
I'm going to echo Jane's words here but with my own style: GET OUT NOW. Like a woman getting out of a burning building. You're still in time to get out of this. You don't know this person. One month is just the nice things and you've made him out in your head. It happens, but he's already shown you he's not who you're truly looking for. Don't lie to yourself and say you'd rather be friends than not have him around a lot. Nobody is that special. NOBODY. The only special man is the one who wants you, all of you, with the commitment you want from him. This is not it.
I'd cut contact with him. No hangouts, no chatting, no problem sharing, no flirting. Just treat him you would any stranger. Polite, but distant. Keep yourself safe. Your feelings and heart matter more than the crumbs he offers. Cut him off, his feelings and opinions be damned. Don't allow people to do whatever they want with you. You're vulnerable when you like someone too much and they don't. Good luck.
Great comment Angel!
Angel I couldn't have said it better! PLEASE take her advice Anna!
So did you somehow sneek a peak at the book I'm working on, Angel? GET OUT NOW! That's the title. Bet you can't guess why. 😉
Oh my God!!!!!!!!! You're writing a book?!!! Gimme gimme gimme!! I'm definitely buying that one, too 😉
Is it weird to say I love you? I know I love the bits of you I know and I'm stanning here but yeah lol!!! ? ? ?
Not weird at all. Kinda the way I feel about all of us on here. 🙂
Angela,
I know it's really hard to let go of this man. I'm sure you developed feelings for him. If you are both are not on the same page, then you need to move on. It will only lead you to heartbreak later on. Like Jane said, if you stay then you will be missing out on someone who truly wants a relationship with you. Be strong and choose you and your happiness.
I absolutely agree with Jane. I'm in that very situation now. I had to tell myself that I am worthy and self-loved. No one wants to be lonely, but we have to ask ourselves, are we being treated the way we want to be treated? I don't believe in the old saying: a piece of a man is better than no man at all. ABSOLUTELY NOT! If I can't have all of him as a whole then it's not worth my time. After all, I'm looking for a relationship and he's not. Ever since I read a previous email by Jane, there's something I've been sticking with whenever I think of a relationship. [I'm doing the choosing]. My daughter just left off to college last week. We've had our mother/daughter talk. Within our conversation I had her to repeat after me: "I'm doing the choosing." Thanks Jane for the vote of confidence.
Love that, Yvette! "I'm doing the choosing". Anytime and everytime!
I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months now... it has been great, awesome! He was interested in me, said he was interested in a relationship, he had strong relationships before. But the last few days he has been pulling away... and I don't know why! I stared googling and most articles say it's because women push men... I called saying I missed him, I sent cute messages... maybe I pushed him away by pressuring him? I didn't meant to, I wanted to get closer. And all I read is that you have to wait for men to want to get closer. I fell so sad... he is a great guy and all I could find is that is my fault that he walked away... is there anything I could do at this point? 🙁
Hi Anna,
I know you feel like you pushed him away. Please don't think that. Sending cute messages and saying you missed shouldn't push a man away if he is truly looking for a relationship. I know it's hard but it's best that it happened now and not three years from now. You deserve someone that will not do the hot/cold thing with you. Stay strong!
Hi Anna,
There are a lot of reasons why guys pull away & a lot of those reasons has nothing to do with you. As hard as this may seem but whenever a guy starts pulling away, its best to not take it as a threat. Instead focus on the most important person in your life, YOU. After all you still don't know the guy that much. You're only seeing each other for a couple of months & that is very short a time for you to know whether that guy is worth it or not. Anyway if he's worth it then he'll definitely come back.
Thank you girls for taking the time to reply, that means a lot! <3
To be honest being just friends isn't good, I am desperate to get back with my ex even though he hates me.... but I am struggling to move on so no way could I be friends and see someone else have what I long for...... my ex told me he loved me a lot but then over a misunderstanding he walked away, he physically hurt me as well has emotionally, he drinks a lot and got very very drunk and was going to go and drive, so I called the police to stop him killing him self or someone else but this lead him to be very angry ? to say the least, we haven't seen each other since , just a few nasty txts, I still love him silly maybe but I couldn't be just friends.... sorry for rambling
Hi Kay, please forget about this guy, he is not worth it....you can`t be with someone who physically hurt you.
I agree with Lolly. Anyone who hurts you not just physically but also verbally, emotionally, mentally & especially financially are not worth your time. I know its hard particularly in an abusive relationship because despite the hurtful things he did with you, you're holding on to the occasional good times you had with him. Abusers do it not because he loves you but just to manipulate you not to leave the relationship so that you'd continue to be his prey. In any abusive relationship, there are also times when you have amazing moments & there is not a single one who only has bad times because if that were the case then you can easily leave the relationship. Please remember that Kay. Respect yourself enough to let go of that guy. Do other things to forget about this guy. Pinch your nose or your ears whenever you think about your ex....There is someone out there who will be willing to love you & treat you with respect but only if you'll allow him to.