One of our beautiful readers recently made an observation about how I tend to talk more about letting go and getting out of a relationship that isn't working than I do about working harder to make it work. She made a very good point, and it really got me thinking.
It's very true. I do.
But there’s a reason.
It’s because staying in a bad relationship and trying to make it work is an area where most of us don't need any encouragement. We are some of the hardest working, most well-intentioned fighters to keep any relationship going. We'll just keep on trying to row that boat up a waterfall even though we're the only ones doing any of the paddling.
And that’s exactly why we’re hurting and having our hearts broken all too much of the time.
You’re the first to say, “We can work it out”. You’re the first to stay and try to prove just how much your relationship is worth fighting for.
Your willingness to do this is not the problem.
It’s who you’re choosing to stay and work it out with that’s causing the concern.
It’s who you're refusing to give up on that’s the problem.
I agree that relationships take some effort, and if you're with a guy that's making an effort, even if he might be falling short in some areas, then it's worth the effort on your part as well. I certainly wouldn't recommend dropping him just because he leaves his dirty dishes in the sink or his smelly socks on the floor, or that he'd rather be watching the ball game when you want to go antiquing. These kinds of things can be worked out.
But these aren't the kinds of stories that I'm hearing.
I'm hearing about the guy who's treating you like an option, a convenience. Somebody to see when there's nothing better going on. The guy who disappears for days or weeks only to re-appear and act like nothing happened. The kind of guy that's telling you he's not ready for a commitment. I'm hearing about the crumbs.
The kind of guy where you know, deep in your heart, that you deserve better.
You see, our compass is typically off on this one. We don’t know how to tell the difference between who’s worth it and who isn't.
In fact, most of us have got it backwards.
You give up too soon on the nice guy; the one who you should be staying around longer to give him more of a chance. But you refuse to give up on the player who’s only wasting more of your time while you're trying to prove to him that you’re the one who’s worth it, when that’s what he should be doing with you!
I know because I did it too.
It’s time to figure out the difference. It’s time to awaken to the point of all this. To give the nice guy a chance and let the other ones go.
Learn how to spot the real keepers.
Because if you can learn to tell the difference, you’re well on your way to finding a healthy, happy relationship.
One that really is worth fighting for.