Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

  • Categories
    • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Finding Love
    • Single Life
    • Inspiration
  • Programs
  • Work With Me
  • Contact Me
  • About
You are here: Home / Archives for heartbreak

Should I Have Stuck Around?

12 Comments

A beautiful woman is holding a tissue to her eyes crying as she is wondering if she should have stuck around instead of breaking up with him.A letter from another beautiful reader, Katrina:

Hmmm... where do I begin... it's been over three months since I broke up with my now ex-boyfriend and since then I can't help but feel that I did something wrong.

I knew it wasn't normal to have crying spells every morning on my way to work because of the way he was acting. First of all, I'll admit I made mistakes by breaking up with him on two separate occasions during our year and ten month relationship.

I understand it's not normal to break up with someone but each of those times I broke it off because I felt unappreciated, unwanted, and unloved.

Might I add, I immediately apologized and talked through our problem. The day we broke up he was staying with friends (a married couple and two other friends) at a beach house. He had been there for over four days with minimal contact with me. I was happy he was having such a great time.

The day I was supposed to meet him at the beach house, the weather was going to be awful. I suggested he come home and we could catch a movie and spend some time with each other. He didn't like that one bit. He accused me of "trying to ruin his vacation."

We went back and forth and eventually I began to spill what I had been holding back. I told him I was lucky to have minimum of four consecutive hours in a day with him while his friends got four whole days; I didn't like the way he was so rude to my family; the way he had no problem pressuring me to love out but I was scorned for bringing up marriage; and the way we rarely we went out on dates.

I asked lastly if I was asking for too much and he answered yes. I've made mistakes in the past and when he has pointed them out I always go above and beyond to remedy it. I guess I expected that from him.

I expected him to say you're right it's going to rain I'm on my way.

I felt judged by his friends.

I know I'm worth so much more. I wouldn't have invested four years of my life into a degree and graduated with honors from both schools if I didn't think I was worth something. I wanted him to be proud when he talked about me to his friends.

Nevertheless, he made me feel ordinary.

He was overly worried about trivial things such as spending the night. Not the fact that I was going somewhere, that I was stable, and longed for a family with HIM- no one else. I can't say it was all bad. When he tried my gosh he made me like a princess.

Nevertheless, I'm hoping to get an unbiased opinion- was I wrong?? Should I have stuck around?? Is there a chance he'll come back?

- Katrina

My response:

Trust yourself here, Katrina. There was a reason you broke up with him numerous times before. There was a reason you were having crying spells every morning on your way to work because of the way he was acting.

You knew something wasn't right, and even if you wanted to believe that you were the one with the problems, that you were the one making the mistakes, the reality is that it always takes two to make a relationship work, so this relationship was not your sole responsibility to take on!

You saw the signs that his friends were more of a priority than you, your body and mind and soul knew all this even if your heart was the last to finally accept what they already knew.

When you love like you do, my beautiful friend, when you give and hope and believe like you do, you so want to believe that it will still get better, that anything is possible and that he will still come around and commit to you like you so want him to.

But the problem with that beautiful hope is that when it's spent on someone who isn't worthy of you, who isn't there on the same page as you are and who doesn't want the same thing you do - and whose behavior clearly shows this by how he treats you! - then it is you who sells yourself short by questioning yourself and taking more than your share of the blame - and the guilt - for what you did or didn't do.

Take back your power, my beautiful friend. Don't go there. Don't get caught up in second-guessing yourself and questioning whether or not you did the right thing. You know. No more apologies, no more taking more responsibility for this than he's willing to take. You don't want someone in your life who is so quick to judge you, so quick to point out your mistakes, and so quick to place the blame on you.

You never have to beg for anything, Katrina. Love is your birthright. To be loved is not something you ever have to fight for. Either he loves you or he doesn't. Either he treats you the way you deserve to be treated, or he doesn't. Either he's on the same page as you or he isn't.

This isn't about him. This is about you.

You have so much to offer someone who's deserving of you. You have so much to offer someone who wants the same thing as you and treats you like the prize you are and not like someone he can treat however he chooses and expect that you'll always be there for him. We can forget what we deserve and settle for crumbs all too easily sometimes; but this is never what we deserve.

You absolutely did the right thing here! Of course it never feels that way when we look back and recall the good times more than the bad. When you're still alone, and he seems to have moved on all too well without you, it's only natural that we question ourselves and rethink our decision and wonder if there's still a chance he'll be back.

Only if he's there, Katrina. Only if he's on the same page as you and wants the same thing and is willing to do whatever it takes to build a real relationship with you and make that happen. That's what real love is and that's the absolute least of what you deserve! You know who you are; you know all that you have to offer someone who proves himself to be worthy of you.

Honor that beautiful woman you are, Katrina; be proud of yourself for being able to see what wasn't there and being strong enough to walk away even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Choose you, not him. Hold your own head up high; you know what you deserve!

Love,

Jane

What do you think? Did Katrina do the right thing? Tell us your thoughts in the comments!

How to Get Over a Break Up

10 Comments

A closeup of a beautiful brunette woman who is looking sad and downward wondering how to get over a break upYou remember the good times all too well. You can recall every wonderful moment you spent together. You can recount each and every time he told you he loved you.  You can recite every loving word he ever said to you.

Of course you can. That’s the type of beautiful and sensitive soul you are!

And so it should come as no surprise that now that you are no longer together, no matter how hard you try you still believe deep down inside that you would be better off still together. No matter what anyone says. No matter how much anyone tries to convince you otherwise.

You miss him.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re missing having someone to spend your Friday night with, or whether it’s because you hate being alone, the reality is that you’re struggling to remember why it wasn’t working, why you couldn’t make it work, and why it had to end.

If only I had done this differently, you lament. If only I hadn’t said what I did, you second guess. Whatever you think you could have done to save it, or keep him happy, or keep your mouth shut, you’re convinced you’ve lost the love of your life.  If only you could just have somehow been that much stronger, that less needy, that much more confident, it would have made all the difference.

And so, with these wonderful memories of the two of you living happily together, you spend your time and energy beating yourself up like this over and over again.

Why do so many of us identify with this?

I get it, because it was always what I fell into, too,  after yet another relationship ended too soon for me that had shown so much potential. I didn’t know how not to go there. I had no idea how to get over a break up.

But the only thing it does when you spend your time and energy filling your mind with those happy memories is keep you stuck. It zaps your energy. Steals your strength. Keeps you down. And leaves you with nothing left to give to the one person who knows the truth – you!

It’s time to stop this.

I know all too well what it does to our beautiful hearts and souls when we leave things with the promise to leave a candle burning in the window for him – whether we say this out loud or not. It’s time to wake up. It’s time to see the relationship in the light of what really was, not just this selective memory version of those happy memories together that leave out the whole rest of the story. The reality of how we really felt much of the time when we were with him, if we’re completely honest with ourselves and come out of our own deeply embedded state of denial.

Here’s how we finally move past these old scripts that only tell a small part of the story, and move on to the real story that is waiting for us to discover.

Here's how to get over a break up:

Remember all those times you were miserable.

Remember all those tears you shed.

Remember how alone you felt so much of the time - even though you were with him.

Remember all those conversations with your best friend lamenting how he was treating you or how he just wouldn’t commit.

Remember all the ways you weren’t on the same page, didn’t have the same priorities, and didn’t want the same things.

Remember the specific times, the individual instances where it was anything but good. The times you waited, the time you wasted, the moments of the relationship where you felt anything but happy.

Remember those and write it all down.

Write out the real story.

Write it all down and repeat to yourself enough times so that those are the thoughts you remember when you start to beat yourself up for not being enough for him! You know the truth. Your beautiful heart knows the story that you deserve, and both your heart and soul know that it wasn’t that.

If it was, it would have been. You would still be together. Because two people who are meant to be together always are; but only if they’re both  on the same page and want the same thing and are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. That’s what real love is all about.

Yes, remember the good times too - there's no reason to bury those wonderful memories and you don't ever want your heart to get hardened. But this exercise will take the relationship out of the land of fairytales and into the land of reality. The reality that it just wasn't the right relationship for either of you.

And then allow yourself to be happy that you are now free to find real love with the guy that's right for you.

How about you? What do find is the best way to get over a break up? Tell us about it in the comments!

What to Do When He Suddenly Disappeared

21 Comments

You're in a relationship with the perfect guy, the one you've been waiting your whole life for, when suddenly he disappears from your life never to be heard from again. A woman is looking at her iphone wondering why he disappeared.Almost all of us have been there before at least once in our lives.  The perfect guy, the one you've been waiting your whole life for, suddenly disappears, never to be heard from again. No call, no text, not even a goodbye note. There you are, left all alone, wondering what happened, where’d he go, what went wrong, and, most importantly, what should you do now?

While some of us try desperately to get him back, others go back and forth second guessing everything and blaming ourselves for being the reason he disappeared. Most of us, at one time or another, have found ourselves so utterly devastated by the disintegration of what seemed so promising, so full of potential, that we are unsure of how to move on.

The good news is that there's a process for getting through this and getting back on track, to where you were before he disappeared.

Express it.

Whether you punch couch cushions or a punching bag, cry into your pillow until your tears are finally dried up, scream at the top of your lungs or pour out your heart to your best friend, the key is to let it all out. Let yourself really feel everything no matter how painful, say everything you want to say until you get to the tears and then let it all out. There is nothing as healing as those tears that finally come when we realize that underneath our anger and our rage at what happened is simply a hurt little girl who wasn't ready to give up on a dream. From there, true emotional healing can finally begin and life can begin anew.

Write it out.

Write a letter or email to him letting him know how much he hurt you and how much it hurt you that he disappeared. Don’t miss anything you want to say to him. Write out every detail, every feeling, every way you feel betrayed, misled and disappointed with the way he suddenly disappeared without a trace, without any explanation.

But don’t send it to him; this is for you, not him. It’s in putting it down on paper that you get it all out while it serves as a reminder of what it was really like with him when your memory can only conjure up all the wonderful things about him and the relationship and forgets all too easily the reality of what it was really like. Then when you no longer need this reminder, once you can see the reality of what was instead of the fairytale fantasy of what you wanted it to be, get rid of it.

Forgive him.

Yes, you read that right. You have to forgive him for the fact that he disappeared without so much as saying goodbye. Let go of the anger and the sadness realizing that he just wasn't there didn't know how to handle the situation any better. He wasn't on the same page as you and as much as he might have wanted to be, he didn't know what to do to get there and wasn't able to be honest and upfront with you when he realized this. This isn't about excusing him or lessening what you went through; this is about you recognizing that he is just as human as you and can make mistakes, too.

It doesn't absolve him of what he did or the responsibility for his actions, it’s simply about you making a decision to forgive him and let go of holding a grudge against him. It's about not letting that kind of negative energy permeate your relationships going forward. It’s this lack of forgiveness that all too often ends up with us having hardened hearts with jaded attitudes even when we move on from these past hurtful relationships. It’s when we truly can see him for the less than perfect guy that he really is that we can learn to forgive in a genuine way that allows us to forgive ourselves, too.

Realize it was a gift.

The bottom line is that he wasn't the one for you. You weren't meant to be together. And it really was a gift that you found out now, as painful as this realization can be, before you invested any more of your time and energy on someone who isn't there, isn't on the same page where he can give you what you’re looking for from him. It doesn't get any easier the longer you’re together; it only gets more painful. So know that you've been saved from so much more heartbreak down the road by finding this all out now.

Now you’re available for someone who is on your page.

You now have the time and energy to spend on someone who is right where you are, looking for the same thing you are with someone just like you. There is nothing that compares to this when you find it, and the surest way to finding it is in the process of letting go of the ones that aren't where you are, as painful as that can be to accept.

Above all, by looking at our relationship endings this way, we can begin to see that these things really do happen for a reason, and when it’s meant to be, it will be! And when it’s not, it’s a beautiful thing if we choose to see it that way; as it clears the way for the right one to arrive.

Is It Impossible to Find a Guy That Wants a Commitment?

8 Comments

Don’t commit to him any more than he’s committing to you. A beautiful young woman sits on a plane discussing how hard it is to find a guy that wants commitment.My mother was out for an all too short two week visit, and, as usual, I cried when we dropped her off at the airport last week to fly home. I'm never ready for her to leave. When she got home she told me all about the young woman she sat next to on the plane, and her story sounded so familiar and universal that my heart just went out to her. I was her not so long ago, and from so many of the letters I receive I know that so many of you out there are going through the same thing. If I knew who she was, this is what I would tell her.

To the young woman on the plane:

I don’t know your name or really anything about you, but my mom told me she sat next to you on her plane trip home last week. She said that you had a conversation about dating, love and relationships, and you told her you were taking a break from men. You’ve had enough of giving your heart away and getting nothing but heartbreak in return. And you’re wondering what you’re doing wrong, what you should be doing differently, and how to tell if a guy is really interested in you or if he's just in it for one thing. You just want to be in a committed relationship with a guy who wants to commit to you, too, but somehow, you’re finding this next to impossible to find.

So I have something to say to you, my young, beautiful friend with so many dreams for the future:

Don’t give yourself away.

Don’t commit to him any more than he’s committing to you.

Don’t put him on a pedestal, ever.

Don’t go looking for someone to choose you; you do the choosing!

Don’t get taken in by his good looks and charm; you need to get to know him, the real him, before you know if he’s even someone you want to be with in the first place.

Don’t ever settle for someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated; you know what you deserve, even if you don’t always remember this in the heat of the moment.

I know it’s not always easy to remember these, much less stick to them when you’re so sure this guy is different from all the rest and he’s saying and doing all the right things and he's oh so charming. I had to learn these things the hard way, and so I know firsthand just how hard it is to actually stay strong enough to follow these.

But if you’re going to have a different type of relationship next time, with a different type of guy, this is what you need to do. Especially do not give him your body and soul before enough time has passed for him to prove to you that he truly is worth any part of you.

You see, my beautiful friend, it’s by your actions and by your behavior that you teach him how to treat you; you let him know what your boundaries are; you tell him what you will and will not put up with. If he doesn’t like it, if he wants more, if he pressures you or makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you, those are all sure signs that he’s not what you want. He’s no loss. This is one of those times to be glad you found out early, rather than later. Because that’s the whole reason for following these guidelines.

It will separate the men from the boys.

The players from the real guys. The ones you want to get to know better versus the ones who don’t deserve another second of your time and energy, much less your heart and soul.

Let him go, and know that if he doesn't come back he wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t the right one for you. It’s only his loss, not yours. And the best part is you’ll find this out sooner rather than later. Before that kind, tender, loving, giving heart of yours gets broken again.

How To Know You're Getting Closer To A Real Relationship

7 Comments

You start to learn that it really does matter that you know yourself well enough to know who it is you're really looking for. Your list changes to reflect the you you're discovering and learning to embrace in love.  A man and woman are holding hands near the ocean.Don't doubt yourself on this journey. It doesn't matter where you've come from or what you've been through. It doesn't matter how many times you feel you've repeated the same mistakes or how many times you've attracted the same type of guy. None of that matters.

What matters is how each experience brings you closer to what you're really looking for. With every heartbreak, with every disappointment, you learn and you grow. You get to know yourself better and you get a clearer sense of what you're willing to put up with and what you're going to be picky about.

You learn to be more flexible in some areas and less in others. You learn what feels good and what feels awful. You stretch, you constrict, you ebb and you flow. You see things more clearly; the fog lifts just that much more.

You start to learn that it really does matter that you know yourself well enough to know who it is you're really looking for. Your list changes to reflect the you you're discovering and learning to embrace in love. You revise it to reflect what is most compatible with the real you and not some version of yourself that you thought was really you. You begin to understand why being emotionally available and having the ability to commit to a real relationship are the number one and two must-haves on your list.  You begin to see why how he treats you matters more than any item on your list.

You stop making excuses for anyone. You start rightly expecting him to pull his own weight and refuse to keep anyone around who brings you down. You stop expecting someone to complete you and make your life over and instead, you realize what you most want is someone who is a real person who you can have an honest, open, loving relationship with. You start living in reality instead of the fantasy that felt so familiar because you thought you needed to be rescued. You finally see that you don't need anyone to come and rescue you; you hold the key to your own happiness.

You stop beating around the bush and you start coming right out and saying what it is you're looking for. First to yourself, and then to him. You begin to really get that it's only by communicating honestly with any potential new guy that you can both find out quicker if you're on the same page or wasting your time. You stop pleasing. You stop placating. You stop being whatever someone else wants you to be. You stop living up to someone else's unrealistic expectations of you and start listening to that soft inner voice that knows you better than anyone else.

And this time, you actually believe it.

Don't Fall in Love With His Potential

20 Comments

Don't fall in love with his potential. A beautiful woman sits in the grass and looks out across the valley at a beautiful sunset."I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism." ~Liz Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

I love this quote – it just so succinctly summarizes the story of our relationships for so many of us; how we inadvertently set ourselves up for such heartbreak by falling in love with the potential of a man and a relationship with him, instead of looking at what is right now.

It is such a beautiful quality we possess; this optimistic, positive outlook that we apply to the men and relationships in our lives. We meet someone and see not just the person he is in front of us today, but we see so much of what he can be, so much of his emotional capacity that is not there yet, but could be if only he were loved by someone like us.Continue Reading

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 13
  • 14
  • 15
  • 16
  • Next Page »

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR MAILING LIST AND I’LL SEND YOU THIS GIFT!

Make Him Adore You Send me the video!

Programs

About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Join Me On Facebook!

Getting to True Love

Popular Posts

A man telling a woman he just wants to be friends. They are standing in a park on a path, out of focus, with the camera looking through branches.

He Just Wants To Be Friends

Image of a man who looks like a player showing signs he's not into you.

14 Warning Signs That He’s Not That in to You

A beautiful woman looks at her phone wondering why he hasn't called.

The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called

Green freeway sign with Commitment written on it.

7 Things I've Learned About Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment

Attractive young woman awaits a phone call. wondering why he hasn't called.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Hasn't Called

A beautiful woman is being hugged

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment . A beautiful woman is upset that her boyfriend won't give her the commitment she wants.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Won't Commit

A beautiful woman is upset because of the way her boyfriend treats her as he watches TV.

Why He Treats You the Way He Does

If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

As Seen On…

Latest Tweets

Tweets by @JaneGarapick

Recent Comments

  • Heather on Why No Contact NEVER works and what to do instead
  • Emma Verhoog on The Difference Between Giving Up Too Soon and Giving Up Too Much
  • Jin on Three Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant
  • stavkapro on Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want
  • Turning Your YouTube Channel Into a Cash Flow. on The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called
  • Snehal on My Boyfriend Fell Out of Love With Me

Calendar

May 2025
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Oct    

Copyright © 2025· Getting to True Love, LLC · All rights reserved · Privacy Policy · Refund Policy · Terms of Service

We use cookies to ensure you receive the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are okay with our terms :)Got it!