If you've found yourself struggling to let go of someone you know isn't right for you, who you know isn't on the same page as you, but it’s just so hard to give up on the dream you had for both of you and you still want to believe in the possibility of a miracle, well, you’re not alone. It's one of the most common questions I'm asked.
How do I let him go? How do I move on? How will I ever get on with my life? How do I finally break free of this hold he has on me? You get the idea.
We all want to know the secret to just letting go and not going back. But the reality is that there is no secret. Each of us comes to it in our own way. We finally come to the realization that what we've been doing isn't working. If that realization means we need to let go of someone that isn't right for us, then we also have our own individual way of letting go and moving on.
And for most of us it looks more like a dance of one step forward, two steps back then a cut and dry ending with no looking back.
We start out standing firm in our newly found resolve, feeling our fresh confidence, then find ourselves falling back, full of new fears and self-doubts that reel us back in again. We get a little stronger each time, repeating this back and forth pattern several times until eventually we come to a point where the clarity is finally there and we see what we have to do.
The exact process is different for everyone based on your own unique situation, but what’s most important is to be gentle with yourself and resist the urge to beat yourself up for taking the long way around. It took you a long time to get as involved as you have; it will take you a long time to get un-involved. And along the way, in this process, it helps to remember a few important things.
- If it’s meant to be, it will be.
- If he’s really worth it, you’ll find that out.
- If he’s not, you’ll see that, too.
- Sometimes you can still be friends, but most of the time, you can’t be.
- Do you really want to still be friends? Or is this just a way to hold on to false hope and more of the same?
- You can always change your mind; if he’s not able to accept a change of heart, this confirms what you already knew.
- You will eventually be able to let go because at some point things will become crystal clear as you start to see things more objectively.
- It doesn’t matter how long it takes to let go of someone and move on. Some people can do this in a moment, but for most of us hopeless romantic, optimistic believer types it can take weeks, months or even years.
- The only reason to speed up this process is to get on with our lives; if we’re not there yet, it’s ok.
- You absolutely need support to get through this!
I’m sure I’ve forgotten a point or two, so if you’re currently going through this or have already experienced this, please add your additional points in the comments. We all need to know we’re not alone!