But every time you say it, every time you decide that enough is enough and this time you are finally going to hold out for what you truly deserve, you continue to find yourself back right where you came from. As much as you don't want to.
But what does that really mean?
You think you get it. You say you know you deserve someone who treats you well, is compatible with you, shares the same values, wants the same things in life, is attractive, communicates with you and has all the other signs of a healthy relationship. But why then, do you keep closing the door on the ones who have all this and do all this, while you keep the door open for the ones who don't?
While it may seem like it's just the common theme that we always want what we can't have, I believe there's another reason that this all-too-common scenario happens to us.
We are drawn to certain types of men and not to others because of our own unfinished business.
Think about it this way: Why would you be attracted to someone who doesn't treat you well if you were confident in who you are and what you have to offer someone? It wouldn't make any logical sense to you if you truly believed in yourself like this. But this is the problem: all too many of us don't.
Sure, we may say that we are confident in ourselves; that we won't put up with certain behaviors. But notice what happens all too often when we suddenly find ourselves in exactly this situation. Do we do the healthiest thing we could do for our self-esteem and self-confidence and let him know by both our actions and our words that this doesn't work for us? No. In fact many of us don't even go there. We simply stay, trying to be more of all that so he'll come back around. But even if we do let him know what we are and aren't OK with, all too often we buckle when it doesn't seem to matter to him. We make excuses for him, we justify his behavior, and become all too understanding until there's nothing left of the beautiful, strong women we really are!
It's because we're not in touch with ourselves.
We might think we are, and we might talk the talk, but the reality is, whenever we accept anything less than behavior that honors and respects our beautiful, true selves, we go down a path that isn't easy to come back from. A slippery slope. We set ourselves up for even further heartbreak and disappointment because we're choosing him over ourselves. We allow our need to have him love us to trump our real need to love ourselves and do so by treating ourselves lovingly and by not allowing anything or anyone into our lives that doesn't do this.
Do you see what I mean? Because what we're really trying to do is prove just how loveable we are. And we incorrectly believe that if we can't turn this around and make him love us, then it means there must be something wrong with us. Instead of the real truth, which is that anyone that can treat us this way isn't worth giving a second thought to. Do you see the difference?
It's not easy to change old patterns.
It's never easy to change the way you've been operating. When you're so used to being attracted to the guy who brings up all your absent or emotionally unavailable father issues, or your rescuer complex, or whatever it might be for you, and gives you that chance to finally try to get a different outcome out of him. When you're so used to having to prove to someone that you really are worthy, or you really can get someone like this. When you've never known anyone to be there for you and you can't shake this need to finally get someone to stay with you and promise to never leave you. When everything is about your triggers, your blind spots, that subconscious programming that is behind every kind of attraction you feel, it's time to finally get to those roots that have such a strong hold on what you are choosing now.
See the difference?
Look at what is going on here. Look at you, look at him. Honestly answer the question of why you are with him. If you can't say it's because you love him and he loves you and he shows you by the way he treats you that he loves you, then it's time to make some changes. It's all about that important first step where you finally start to create a shift in your consciousness of thinking a different way. Whether it's getting professional help with a counselor, or doing the work on yourself with a supportive friend you can trust, the only way to start attracting what you really deserve and staying away from what you don't is by looking deep within at that beautiful woman known as you who deserves to be loved for no other reason than because you are uniquely you.
And until you finally get that, until you finally get to know her well enough to know exactly why you are more than worth what you have been settling for, that guy that you've been missing each and every time isn't going to stand a chance at getting time with you to show you what you've been missing by choosing the other guy. Trust me on this one; it's true.