Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

The Man He Can't Be

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Silhouette of a father and daughter who play outdoors at sunset background.
Our hearts long for what could have been, but our peace is found in what is.

Most of us know by now the role he played. The reasons behind why we chase. The explanation for why we choose the ones we do.

You’ve heard me speak about this significant father/daughter relationship, and from the perspective of Daddy’s Little Girl.

I’ve coached so many of you on how to understand and accept, but not stay there. To become aware, to break the cycle instead of repeating the patterns that have such a hold on us.

For a little girl who kept it all inside, who never, ever felt safe to be angry, I had plenty to be angry about when I finally allowed myself to feel that emotion for the first time in my life when I was safe with my own family, with a man who would love me not only in spite of, but because of every emotion I felt.

And angry I was.Continue Reading

He's Not Ready to Commit, But Says He Doesn't Want to Lose Me

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A couple enjoying embrace of each other and tenderly smiling
He says he doesn't want to lose me - why won't he commit?

The email I chose to feature on the blog this week is from gorgeous Keziah. Her question is one I hear often, in many different forms, from so many of you.

Here's what she asked:

How could a man not be ready for commitment yet he doesn’t want to lose you because he loves you?

- Keziah

My Response:

One single sentence. But such a huge question.

How could a man not be ready for commitment, yet he doesn’t want to lose you because he loves you?

Yes, exactly! How?!Continue Reading

What Rejection Never, Ever Is

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Outdoor portrait of a sad woman feeling rejected.
It's never about what it should be.

What do you do when you come to the end of yet another relationship that didn't work out for you? What do you do with that? Or more precisely, what do you conclude? Do you conclude that there must be something wrong with you?

This is the piece you often hear me talking about on here.

Instead of seeing it as not the right timing for you.

Instead of seeing it as not the right fit for you, either right now or always.

We tend to look at a relationship with someone as that it should work because you’ve put everything you've got into it, or you should be attractive enough, or you should be the perfect match for him.

But it’s never about what it should be. It’s about whether it is, in reality, a good fit for you.Continue Reading

He's Unable to Define What We Are

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A beautiful upset woman sits on a couch with her boyfriend, who is unable to define the relationship.
After 9 years he's still unable to define our relationship.

Beautiful Allie shares her story of waiting endlessly for a commitment - will he ever be ready?

Here's what she wrote:

I am going to be 32 the end of this year.

I have been with a man for the last 9 years. We dated when we were younger, in between friends with benefits, and more recently started dating (both of us have no children and have never been married.)

My question is, he is unable to define what we are at all, completely accustomed to seeing me out of pure convenience when he can pencil me into his schedule and is okay with seeing me 1 to 2 times a week (literally.) Maybe a dinner after work, breakfast and then I'm gone by 11:00 the next morning.

We have never spent two days together or had a weekend together.

We have had multiple discussions about commitment and things improve but then 4 months later go back to the same old cycle. It's almost as if he wants his life separate from mine; his time is his and he's very set in his ways.Continue Reading

He Broke Up With Me Over Text

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Beautiful woman sitting down checking her text messages using mobile phone.
I still can't believe he broke up with me over text!

This week, beautiful Lolly shares her story with us, about how her boyfriend broke up with her through a text message, which is becoming more and more common. But, as always, the real story of the relationship goes much deeper than that.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane.

Firstly I would like to thank you and all the amazing women in your forum for all the advice that you provide here, it has made a tremendous impact in my life.

I have been seeing this guy for over a year now. He is 34 and I am turning 33 in 2 days. 

He doesn't have kids and I have 2 kids (boys). We never really labeled our relationship from the beginning (big mistake.) Everything just happened so fast, from him sending me flowers at work on my birthday after just two months of knowing each other to us spending most of our time together.

It came to a point where we were literally spending almost all the weekends together as we live very close to each other.

So as time went on and us having serious discussions about our relationship, future goals etc., he indicated to me that he was not ready for a serious relationship as he was still focusing on his career.

I made it clear that if I happen to meet someone who wants to settle down I will leave the relationship. He begged me and said if that ever happens he will have to step up and make things right with me (in my mind I thought he meant commitment.)

He has been very good to me in terms of being there for me in any manner that I can ever imagine. He was playing the boyfriend role  I felt like we were in a serious relationship. He took me on vacation with his friends and their girlfriends during the new year.Continue Reading

When All You Want is HIM

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Beautiful woman stands in front of the window pining for her ex.
You want him back the way it was. I know. I've been there.

You don’t care about being attractive to every man. You don’t want anyone else.

All you want is him.

The one you’ve got. Or at least had.

He’s the one you want. And he’s the only one.

No matter what you’ve tried before, nothing seems to work on him.

Until now.

You know what makes him commit, Beautiful?

You do.

And here’s the long misunderstood how…

It’s you, being able to see yourself without needing him to make you feel like you’re finally being seen. That’s how.Continue Reading

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