I'm beginning to think no one's ever seen you.
Not for who you really are. Not for all you have to offer.
You've never let the ones who can see you have the chance to see you.
That's what this is really about.
You have no idea.
Really, you don't.
These ones who give you only a fleeting glimpse of yourself, are the same ones that are never capable of being anything more than what works for them. And that's why it's so brief.
Just long enough to give you a taste, and then it's gone.
It's no wonder you're consumed with how to get it back.
How can you believe it for yourself?
How can you trust that it might be true?
It's no wonder you can't take that chance on you. Because what if it's not true? What if you are too much? What if you're not enough?
What if they were right, that they really do know better than you? What if you're wrong, what if I'm wrong, what if anyone who tells you anything different than the story you've been telling yourself for so long is wrong?
What if your story really IS the truth?
What then?
It's your worst nightmare.
You let him go. And you find out he really was the best you could ever hope to get. What then?
Or you put yourself out there with someone new, only to be rejected again, and you only prove to yourself that you really are unlovable all over again.
What then?
Then you will only have yourself. Then you will be alone. Then there will be no one else to point the finger at except YOU.
You'll have done it again. To yourself.
You'll have fallen for that hope again. Your own.
You'll have taken a chance for nothing. Because you can't see your worth past any of the rejections you feel.
Because, you're afraid.
So afraid.
What if there is no one else? What if there is no happily ever after for you?
What if you can't do relationships? What if there's something so inherently wrong with you that makes you unable to change this? What if all the ones who would have you believe otherwise are all wrong?
You see, you can't get to me. Not this part of me.
Not this part that sees what I see so clearly for you. It doesn't matter that you can't see it yet. With where I've been and what I've learned, I can see it enough for you. No matter what you've tried. No matter how much you've tried EVERYTHING.
I simply refuse to give up on you.
To believe that this is as good as it could ever get for you.
Don't waste your time or your energy trying to support what doesn't work. We know that part. Oh how we do! So don't even try.
If you want this, you can have it.
I know all about barriers. I know all about preconceived notions and stories and programming that we can't tell from our own truths. I know all about being told you can't, and not to try, and why you should play it safe and stay in the confines of the life you've been told is the one for you.
But I also know the power of what creating a new story can do for you. Of what the power of hope can do for you.
So don't try to tell me you're not worth it or that I should give up on you. You know what love is? Seeing you for who you are and not running away from you. Seeing that scared little girl inside you and recognizing who you are and all that you CAN do.
Oh I see that hope all right, that's what keeps me there. It's because it's so familiar to me that I want to run to you to show you all that hope can do.
When it's applied to you and your own life. When it's not thrown away on someone who couldn't care less about you.
That's why I'm still here.
I SEE you. I HEAR you. And just like you, I refuse to give up hope. Not on someone else who doesn't have that hope in him. But on you who simply doesn't know what to do or where to go with that hope that you've been putting in everything else except yourself.
That's the only place for it. In you. And in others who are going to come along like you.
You see, there's a reason you can't let go of that hope.
You're not MEANT to!
That's why you say "but I can't give up on him", and "I can't let go of him".
You can't let go of hope!
And you're not meant to give up your beautiful sense of hope; only who and what you're putting your hope in.
That's why I can see your potential and refuse to walk away. Because you're here. That's why you can see someone's potential and refuse to walk away and it only hurts you.
Because he's NOT here. Can you see that difference?
That's why you're different. That's why you can do this when he can't. I don't care how you got here, the fact that you did at all speaks volumes.
Volumes, Beautiful.
Meet me here.
In whatever way, shape or form that looks like for you. Meet me here. With every single bit of that hope.
My vision, my hope, my sensing what you can't yet see, is big enough for you. Until you see what I see. Not in him or anyone else. But in the one place that makes all the difference in the world.
In you.
i love the way you tell me all of those things. thankyou sooooo much \*-*)
You're so very welcome, Amna!
thankyou Jane for all of your guidness. ♥♥♥♥♥♥ its really helping.
So glad, Amna. Thank you.
How do I move in after abuse and rape and abuse?
I'm so sorry you've gone through this, Rebecca. Please find someone who's professionally trained in this area to help you move through this. There is help available to you and you deserve so much more than what you've been through!
Hi Jane
I so feel what if I am not able to have another relationship or if I'm not worthy to have a relationship. Maybe I'm not a good girlfriend. I have just returned frm a holiday t Egypt where I got lots of male attention which I loved but I do not get that in the uk. I don't like that I crave this attention but I do. Wat if i never ge this again!!
Until we learn to give that same attention to ourselves, we will always crave it from somewhere outside of ourselves, Selina. But don't be so hard on yourself. We don't learn how to do this; instead, we learn only how to get it from the outside. Be who you were on vacation right where you are in your everyday life in the UK. Or make plans to go to this place where for some reason you feel so much more yourself. You will get it again; it's always available to you when you tap into what it is that creates that kind of energy within you. 🙂
Thanks Jane, that really makes sense - be who I was on vacation. I think I'm just more relaxed and smiley but at home im on my own more often and feel sad more often.
Pleased u r here to help tho x
Glad this helped, Selina. 🙂
Your best yet, Jane! Incredible advice, wisdom and love!
Thank you, Suzie. So glad you felt this one!
Thank u for ur GOD given insite on where i am in my and life experience, i felt u really know my pain! I was encouraged! Jane i am truly hurting trying to hide it from everyone! Hurt deeply by the same man twice and others. I am 64 responsible person love GOD, raised two wonderful kids their father died and i was a widow at 35 did remarry to a man of good character now separated for reasons to many to tell. After several yrs back involved with a man i dated before and got hurt then and he has hurt me again says he is love with me and trying to change but he is in lot of pain too!! I wish i could tell my story but it is so so much to tell, wrote a short wanted to pass it on but i feel like an old fool. I wish i had the money to get help from u but thank u for what u have shared!!
(Debra)
"GOD inspired"...I felt the same too, about Jane's work... many times.
DEBRA...God does not want you with anyone except Him right now. Seek HIS FACE and know real love..keep on Jane's email list for encouraging truths. YOU have more power than you can see right now.
You're so welcome, Debra. Thank you for your beautiful words. We live and learn and grow - at any age. Don't be so hard on yourself. We always - always! - do the best we can with what we know at the time.
Jane,
Your words are amazing... I feel like you know exactly what I'm experiencing and feeling..
I'm so glad you felt these words for yourself, Veronica. It's why I'm here.
Every word is true I tried to forget about him not think about him but it's hard. He just broke up with me no explanation or anything and it hurts that he did that always told me he will always love me and he loved me just at a loss for words
Take all that time and energy you spend thinking about him and spend it on you and creating your own beautiful life instead, Jackie. He's showing you who he is and what he is and isn't capable of giving you; what you choose to do with that is entirely up to you. If someone wants to find the words, they will. And if those words are true, they'll find a way to express them in real live actions as well.
Thank u! I love your remarks. My ex fiancé and I finally stopped seeing each other a month ago. Although , yet again , Facebook got in the way ,. I discovered on Facebook that he was going out with a girl I knew 15 years ago. She friended me and I did see all the photos of them together during the time he and I dated . I informed her of that . She was upset but, she asked him and he stated that I was just a jealous ex. Now after a month , he calls me and states he misses me and never wanted any thing bad to happen to us . He always wants to be in my life and that the other girl he is not into . But now , his sister and that girl are good friends. So basically, if we were to ever see each other again, we would have to hide our relationship . Basically , his sister hates me because she wants to control her brother(my ex). After he moved out of my house , he moved in to her rental house and he pays part of there mortgage . His sister controls him and all of his decisions. I'm torn with someone I fell in love with and a man who wants to make his family happy. Also , I do sense, he gets tired of girls pretty fast. Is he just the average jerk or is there really something inside him that still cares something for me ?
Beautiful Dawn. He's already shown you who he is. Do you still have any doubts that he's not good for you? Why would you want to be with a man who has so many issues? Issues that hurt anyone and that make him unsuitable to add to any woman's happiness?
I'm so glad you enjoyed this one, Dawn. You're seeing a clear picture of this man. He's showing you what works for him, what he wants, and where his priorities lie by his actions and his behavior. He may care for you on some level, but is that enough for you when you have all this other information about him? That's the question to ask yourself. Regardless of his feelings for you, do you want to be with someone with as many complicated issues as this?
Dear Jane ,
What can say? You said it all! You left me speechless! Right now I feel that my thoughts were recorded and delivered to you. Amazing!
So glad this resonated so much with you, Pauline. Thank you.
Jane thank you so much for the word.Im so blessed always you speak you me you lift my spirit.am humbled .God bles you so much keep you good health.
Thank you, Isaac. I'm honored to be able to do this for you.
Thank you Jane. You are a wonder-full soul.
Thank you, Nina. You're sweet. 🙂
um.................how you know what im going though and who are yoU????????????
Sometimes we find what we need when we most need to, Nayomie. That's how.
I have hope and I am worthy of all beauty that comes into my life. I had a great marriage for 30 years and then my husband passed away. I have been looking for a new love of my life for the past year now. No luck, but I am not giving up and I do have hope and think I am a wonderful catch. I am out there dating and meeting people and I know someone will be mine when the time is right. You can't give up if you really want someone special in your life, you have to have hope!
Exactly, Anne! Thank you for sharing - and adding your beautiful words here. 🙂
Thank you Jane! 🙂
I just read your email and tears came to my eyes as you told me how wonderful I am and that you're here for me, for all of us and you won't leave. I need to hear that. I'm in the process of writing my story down, all of it and I'm doing your gratitude lists every day and everything your wonderful program is teaching me, and I feel a shift happening inside me....it's kind of hard to describe in words....it's more a feeling of good things are on the way, whatever they are....like a slow warm excited feeling that I CAN change my life! Wow!
Love
Donna 🙂
So glad this resonated so much with you, Donna! Isn't that what we all need? Someone to see us for who we are - and love us anyway. Not only in spite of, but because of! Celebrate that feeling; it is so much more than words. You deserve nothing less! 🙂
I have someone in my life that I am in love with that is a true narcissistic. He goes back and forth and makes me crazy . He also has been there to help me 2hen I had no where's else to go. I can't stand the thought or losing him .
Then this works for you, Donna. That's what matters more than anything else. Not what someone else can live with, but what YOU yourself can live with. Figuring that part out first saves us all so much heartbreak in the end. Clarity is never underrated.
Hi Jane, you always know what to say at the perfect time. I am going through exactly this. I can't believe my luck when it comes to men. They seem to give you this false hope when you think that they are on the same page then they run. I know its not me but when you feel in your heart that this guy has a lot of the qualities you are looking for, it goes south. The last guy made an impact on me, he had so many qualities I love to see in a guy. We spent so much time together in 2 1/2 days that I thought it was going to go the distance then an awkward moment happened and he left and I never heard from him again. I don't want to give up, I know deep down he's out there but somedays I second guess my gutt when men all seem to do the same thing.
Anyways, thank you for your emails and not giving up on all of us who want the same thing and need that encouragement and your loving support even though you don't know us.
Thank you for your beautiful words, Lee-Anne. I'm so glad you're here - and I do feel like I know so many of you so well! 🙂 Remember this about those awkward moments; real life is about awkward moments. Real love is about awkward moments. Real people will understand this. Anyone worth having in your life will understand this. You know what happens over time with two real people, in a real relationship? More of those awkward moments happen. They're what happen as you get to know someone better. Misunderstandings happen too. And a whole lot of other moments that are a part of becoming intimately acquainted with another human being. You want someone who can handle that, not someone who runs from this. Listen to what happens in those moments. They tell you so much more than every one of those wonderful moments ever could. They tell you what's real.
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have been moping for days because the man I told I was falling in love with has been busy with other things. He hasn't messaged or called and my energy is wrapped up in him. I pray and meditate and the only thing to do is live my life...knowing I love him but detaching from the expectations. Hard to do. Thank you for being here!
So glad you felt this one, J.F. Oh how I know about moping! You're seeing this, and that's the biggest part. The rest will come. It comes from moping places, from energy wrapped up in him places. Don't fight it. There's so much more to your beautiful life than this. And you will see it. You've got all the makings of this real kind of seeing, when you're ready to see it all for yourself.
As I was reading your article, I have been in that place of wondering, hoping and wishing. My daughter told me something that resonated with me since I have been in this new relationship. I have been trying to find something wrong!! (Crazy Right) We plead and ask God (the Universe) for this type of man and when it happens we second guess ourselves. Live have fun with a new person...don't force anything....just let it happen and if it does not happen at least you had some fun!! Laugh with this new person...laughter heals!! If you don't have someone in your life right now....go out and LIVE and LAUGH!! The Law of Attraction is real...become who you want in your life...and that is what you will attract to yourself. The past is just that PAST...it is so much LIFE to be lived with or without a MAN!! If one catch you on the journey ok...it will be an added bonus!!! The bible say "he who finds" let him find you happy and whole!!! Speaking from experience!!!
I love what comes up in our places of wondering, hoping and wishing, RealDavis. There's so much in here! Thank you for sharing.
This words came to me just when I needed them. I've been feeling the sting of recent rejection, where last week he was excited and promised we would spend all this time together and a few days later he was gone. And when I was with him I was truly just being myself. Thanks Jane.
Wow Jamie, your story sounds just like mine. I'm sorry to hear about yours, I know exactly how you are feeling.
And it was in your "truly just being yourself" that you found out the most important thing you could have - whether he was looking for exactly who you are. Don't call that rejection, Jamie. That's how you separate the ones who are right for you - the real you - and the ones who aren't. Even as it stings.
I realy am at the lowest of life right now ...I was engaged and it failed .worst thing ever.I have been trying to date other people but nothing seems to be working.I just pray to God that I get a good and loving Man.
Or was it the opposite of a failure, Juliet? Could it somehow not have been the worst thing ever? My guess is you're walking around with the words "failure" and "worst thing ever" in your head, and finding more of what is most on your mind. It's not a prize to win or get, he'll be a real person, another human just like you, looking for the same thing as you are. And you'll find he won't be so different from you.
In a way, I found this email, to sort of hit a spot of how I'm feeling about myself right now. A part of me does doubt that I could have something real happening, with finally, a good man. I, at times think I'm not worthy, that I'm going to screw it up, and for the most part I'm just scared! I know I'm a good woman, I know what I have to offer, is it possible that I finally met the one my Lord has had planned for me? Only time will tell. I'm doing my best to enjoy each day I have with him.
Take it one day at a time, Janine. Don't jump ahead; be right where you are. Does he have the top qualities you most want in a man? The kind that really matter, that will last for a lifetime? How does he treat you? Throw out all your preconceived notions, all the "shoulds", all the programming. What do you have? It's often only our past - and our programming - that keeps us believing we need something different when we find something real.
Hi Jane thank you so much for your post today. I am really trying so hard to have hope that someday I will meet someone that is really worthy of me.The only guys I meet are ones that want to use me they are mostly married men. I sometimes feel that I will never attract a person that is single and is interested in me for me. That is why i keep going back to this person he does not really make time for me he lives his life I think i find comfort knowing that he is there just so that i am not alone. I really need to learn to love myself more and know that i am worth more than what i am getting from this person.
I'm so glad this resonated so much with you today, Cordelia. Dig around the subject of married men and see what comes up for you. There's something there. Something that will shed some light. Don't be afraid of it. They're not all that's out there. 🙂
Thank you for this Jane. It's what I needed to read today as everything feels like it's all gone wrong. I have lost hope, for most things in my life at this moment. I got the job and lost the guy, now I've lost the job so I am left with nothing. I feel like so much is wrong with not only me but my decision making. I know there's so many right things too but we all know the negative gets more air time, in this case...thought time. This has led to a very dark night of the soul (well several at last count) and without getting the support I need from those closest to me makes it feel worse. Your posts always help in making me feel not so alone, you get it and thank you for sharing it.
Oh I do, Janet. And I have to tell you that it was those "darkest nights of the soul" where I felt nothing but the dark that everything else was coming together no matter how much I couldn't see it at the time. Don't fight the dark; just on the other side of it is so much light!
The article sent hits home.. I think there's something wrong with me. It's making me ask myself if I'm made for relationships
Then that's your burning question, Cathy. Time to find out for yourself. Now you're onto something you can work with!
Thank you, Jane. Synchronicity. I was just in my office thinking about myself and my struggles throughout my whole life and I was thinking about how scared I am. How freaked out I am. There's someone new in the picture and he looks nothing like I thought he should nor like the others I've met. I'm still getting to know him and I like some things but others I'm not sure. So far he's been there but I'm just so afraid that I feel like I want to run away. I started thinking: what if this is it? Me trying with someone I'm not sure I feel sparks with? What if I hurt him? What if he hurts me? What if this is as good as it gets? What if it's true? Maybe I don't want a relationship though I've always thought I did. What if I should stay alone because I've come to realize how safe it feels?
And you're right. The thought of me and you being wrong came to mind.
It just feels so strange now. I feel strange. I think hope hasn't died, but I just don't feel it today.
Sometimes I wish I could just stop thinking about relationships and everything related.
My biggest fear is that there's so much "wrong" with me that I cannot even get out of this state. I know consciously there's nothing wrong, but it sure feels that way. I'm so afraid of letting someone in and see me. It feels like danger to me.
But thank you for this space and speaking to us. This has become such a safe place to me. Don't ever stop talking to us this way. We all need you. I know I do.
Big hug to you all the way from Germany.
Oh Angel this is exactly how I feel at times, I am always scared, always freaked out, always think that I`m never good enough, and my past keeps on haunting me..... I always wonder when will these feelings go away, it sometimes gets too much, and I sometimes also think that maybe I`m meant to be alone, but like u said Jane is really helping us a lot and everyone on this blog is just great. all I can say to you give the poor guy a chance at least now you are equipped on what to look for, just have fun and don't think too much. and never ever give up hope, I know its not as easy as it seems but remember we are all here for each other. take care.
You're so not alone, Lolly.
Thank you so much, Lolly for your kind words of encouragement.
I am giving him a chance to show me who he is and if he's what I've been waiting for. It hasn't been like my last experiences in that this time I have been happy, but really cautious and seeing him as he is. With the good and the not so good in my opinion and still trying not to run or leave that fast either. I don't really know what to make of this yet. I know that only time will tell. I get anxious every now and then and I sort of push and pull internally. Thankfully I keep all my turmoil to myself and he doesn't notice. We'll see how it goes. I'm trying not to force it.
So glad this came at just the right time for you, Angel. Scared, freaked out, afraid. Don't be afraid of those words, those feelings, that kind or rawness within you. This is how we see what's at the root, and it's from this place where the real seeing begins. I never will!