letting go

I’m stuck. And Sad. I Need to Get Out.

Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on. — I know I need to let go, but it's hard to move on.

We’ve got a beautiful sister who’s feeling stuck and sad, saying she needs to get out. She knows what she needs to do, but she needs our help and support to show her the way. She signed her letter "Anonymous", so I've called her "Ashley."

Here’s her letter:

Hi Jane.

I’ve been reading a lot of your posts / comments and I realized they sometimes give me lightbulb moments enough to nudge me forward. But they also make me cringe when I realize that some of them feel like it’s me the article is about.

I’m stuck. And I really need help.

I knew this guy from a dating app. It was instant attraction and chemistry. He was super keen and all that, so much so I started to believe he could be the one after all.Continue Reading

Letting Go of Yesterday

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A woman holding a dandelion in her hand blowing it away making a wish, signifying letting go. — This is how you let it go.

Keep going. Keep moving. Keep walking. Don’t look back.

You’re going to be okay.

You’re going to get through this.

You’ve got this!

Whatever our mantra happens to be, they all say the same thing.

Let go. Leave it in the past. Don’t keep holding on so tightly to what you should have said or done.

But the problem is that for all our well-intentioned words of inspiration and support, nothing cuts to the heart of how we actually feel.

As in trapped.Continue Reading

It's Fantastic, But Then He Acts Weird and Distant

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A beautiful woman sits across from a man during a date that she doesn't want to be on. — As soon as he knows I'm done with the games, he pulls me back in.

Gorgeous Maria keeps getting pulled back into a relationship, only to have him pull away and get distant again.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane, thank you in advance.

I'm trying to figure out why my ex won't let go of me all together.

And why does he act weird/distant when it comes to us actually meeting for dinner or even visiting him out of town where he lives.

As soon as he knows I'm done with his games he leaves me alone for a week or so, then calls. We have fantastic conversations. When we text or call/face time it's fantastic. But when he sees me face to face he gets weird cold feet.Continue Reading

Why You Need to Lean In to Let Go

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Beautiful woman walking in the field and runs hand through the high dry grass in autumn. — You don’t go down. You don't become powerless. You don’t lose your shine.

I did it again.

I put my foot in my mouth. In my excitement, my passion, my well-intentioned motive to connect more deeply, I say or do something that makes me feel awkward.

Again.

I should be getting used to this by now, but it’s still an uncomfortable place for me. So I’m learning a new way of dealing with, well, me.

If I allow myself to care so much about what other people are now going to think of me, or what they’re going to say about me, then I’ve given them all the power.

But if instead I recognize that no, this is all me - that I said what I said with all that passion behind it because this, too is the authentic real me - then I keep every bit of my power. And maybe I even gain some.

I’ve been thinking about this lately, because, well, it came up again.Continue Reading

One Word. NOW.

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Sand passing through the glass bulbs of an hourglass measuring the passing time representing wasting time in a dead end relationship with a man who won't commit. — Before another hour, before another day goes by.

I’ve got just one word for you today: NOW.

You need to hear this and you need to hear it now.

Before another moment goes by. Before another hour, before another day goes by.

I know just how important it is, first hand.Continue Reading

Why Losing the Emotionally Unavailable Man is Never, Ever a Loss

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A beautiful woman sits on a bench in a park by herself. — It's not the loss you think it is. Here's why.

He’s gone or you left. Does it matter?

Not deep down in your heart where it hurts. Even if you were the one who said “enough”, it wasn’t really because you wanted to. It was because you felt you had to.

He couldn’t do it.

You tried everything to make him see, to show him what a mistake he was making if he threw it all away.

But the problem was, he couldn’t. He didn’t have it in him in the end. He may have tried, but we can’t speak for him. What we know is that he simply wasn’t capable.

I know you're heart broken. I know you're feeling down. But let me show you a different perspective here. One that took me years to figure out, and one I wished I’d had when I needed it most.Continue Reading