letting go

I Want to Let Go But He Still Has My Heart

One of our gorgeous readers, Heather, is having a hard time letting go of a relationship that she knows is not what she wants.

Here's her letter:

Hi Jane!

I've been following you for a little while. I find your explanations and responses very comforting...so thank you!

I'm going to try to summarize this as best I can.

I met a man almost 3 years ago who changed my world. We were together for almost 2 years with a brief break in the middle. Our issue then and what ended up breaking us up was the issue of having kids.

He's 10 years older than me. He has 3 foster kids and didn't want to have anymore. I wasn't ready to give up on the idea of having kids so we split.

We didn't talk for a little while after the break up but then ended up staying in contact until about a month ago.Continue Reading

Why Do I Still Feel Like I Love Him?

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A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him. — I feel like I'm just punishing myself when I contact him.

Beautiful Kim writes to tell us about an emotionally unavailable man that she's fallen for.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I have read your articles and wondered whether you might be able to help me.

I am a 54 year old woman. I married young and stayed married for 22 years. My husband was very controlling and so we did not have friends.

Eventually one of my sons told me to get away from him and I found the courage to leave.

I have a good job (clinical nurse manager.) I have nice girlfriends who care and support me and I live alone in a little cottage with my little dog.

For 7 years I had not felt I wanted to be with any man. Then 4 years ago I met someone, a doctor from Poland who works 2 weeks on and has 1 or 2 weeks off when he goes home to Poland. He is 39 years old.Continue Reading

I Am Strong, But Not So Strong

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A beautiful woman looks out a window wondering why she is not strong. — I feel so weak because I can't let go.

One of our gorgeous readers, Sunshine, is feeling as though she's weak because she just can't seem to let go.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have been reading your blog for over two years and the moment I was feeling very strong something happened to me.

I met him in a dance class. I am 36 and he is 27.

He found me next day on fb and messaged me saying how much he liked dancing with me. We started chatting and then he asked me out.

We went to five dates without any sex and he started to act like a boyfriend soon, picking me from home, texting constantly about me and my day. Finally we had sex and quickly became a couple.Continue Reading

I'm Having a Hard Time Moving On

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on. — I know I need to let go, but it's hard to move on.

The letter this week comes from our gorgeous friend Gigi, who's finding it hard to move on and let go of a guy she felt she had immediate physical chemistry with.

Here's her story:

I began dating a man right before Christmas.

We both agreed to just see where things went, but we had an immediate physical chemistry. So we had sex on the second date.

We saw each other three to four times a week for HOURS at a time. Not always sex, so I began to really like him.

Then I asked him if he was seeing anyone else because I wanted to make sure we were still on equal footing. He said he was and assumed I was. I told him that I was communicating with other men, but had not actually gone on any dates with them. I assumed this was a casual date or two with this other woman because he said he wasn't in a place to get exclusive as he was trying to find a new job.

For two weeks I continued to see him and sleep with him- basically hoping he would choose me. I got needy and wondered if he was with her...tried not to mention it to him, but I"m sure it was obvious by my moods.

He told me that we needed to stop having sex because it was messing with my mind. He didn't think it was right. Then he said it wasn't fair to HER to go out with her and then come home to me. He had taken HER to parties and out with his friends and his grown kids.

I felt like a slut.Continue Reading

Should I Hang On or Let Go?

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Close up of hands of romantic couple holding together loosely with sun rays on a white sky. — I don't know whether to keep hanging on or just let him go.

One of our gorgeous readers, Holly, is currently going through what so many of us have gone through before. Things were going so well but now her boyfriend has changed and he's getting distant. She's wondering if she should hang on, or just let go.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now.

I moved in with him soon after we met, we were having a great time and I was so happy. We were always together and out doing fun things all the time, out for meals, visiting family together, taking trips on holiday, planning ahead.

He told me how much I meant to him, how great I was, and we were so in love.

However, I feel things have turned for the worst recently - as the relationship towards the end of the year we began to argue a lot in the house and he began to get upset living with me.Continue Reading

When “No-Contact” Doesn’t Work

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Portrait of young pretty woman sitting at a table wondering if no contact will work with her boyfriend. — Am I just fooling myself thinking I can do "no contact"?

We’re told we’re strong if we just cut our losses and walk away.

Go “no-contact”, we’re told, and we’ll feel better faster.

They’ve heard enough from us. These people who love us and only want the best for us, can’t understand why we would put ourselves through this even one moment more.

And so, with heavy hearts, but a strong resolve, we say goodbye, we shut the door, and we finally let go and move on.

We don’t answer their calls or texts. We block them on social media. We block their number.

We strengthen our resolve with calls to our girlfriends who remind us just how much better off we are without them.Continue Reading