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I Am Strong, But Not So Strong

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A beautiful woman looks out a window wondering why she is not strong.
I feel so weak because I can't let go.

One of our gorgeous readers, Sunshine, is feeling as though she's weak because she just can't seem to let go.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have been reading your blog for over two years and the moment I was feeling very strong something happened to me.

I met him in a dance class. I am 36 and he is 27.

He found me next day on fb and messaged me saying how much he liked dancing with me. We started chatting and then he asked me out.

We went to five dates without any sex and he started to act like a boyfriend soon, picking me from home, texting constantly about me and my day. Finally we had sex and quickly became a couple.Continue Reading

I'm Having a Hard Time Moving On

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on.
I know I need to let go, but it's hard to move on.

The letter this week comes from our gorgeous friend Gigi, who's finding it hard to move on and let go of a guy she felt she had immediate physical chemistry with.

Here's her story:

I began dating a man right before Christmas.

We both agreed to just see where things went, but we had an immediate physical chemistry. So we had sex on the second date.

We saw each other three to four times a week for HOURS at a time. Not always sex, so I began to really like him.

Then I asked him if he was seeing anyone else because I wanted to make sure we were still on equal footing. He said he was and assumed I was. I told him that I was communicating with other men, but had not actually gone on any dates with them. I assumed this was a casual date or two with this other woman because he said he wasn't in a place to get exclusive as he was trying to find a new job.

For two weeks I continued to see him and sleep with him- basically hoping he would choose me. I got needy and wondered if he was with her...tried not to mention it to him, but I"m sure it was obvious by my moods.

He told me that we needed to stop having sex because it was messing with my mind. He didn't think it was right. Then he said it wasn't fair to HER to go out with her and then come home to me. He had taken HER to parties and out with his friends and his grown kids.

I felt like a slut.Continue Reading

Should I Hang On or Let Go?

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Close up of hands of romantic couple holding together loosely with sun rays on a white sky.
I don't know whether to keep hanging on or just let him go.

One of our gorgeous readers, Holly, is currently going through what so many of us have gone through before. Things were going so well but now her boyfriend has changed and he's getting distant. She's wondering if she should hang on, or just let go.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now.

I moved in with him soon after we met, we were having a great time and I was so happy. We were always together and out doing fun things all the time, out for meals, visiting family together, taking trips on holiday, planning ahead.

He told me how much I meant to him, how great I was, and we were so in love.

However, I feel things have turned for the worst recently - as the relationship towards the end of the year we began to argue a lot in the house and he began to get upset living with me.Continue Reading

When “No-Contact” Doesn’t Work

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Portrait of young pretty woman sitting at a table wondering if no contact will work with her boyfriend.
Am I just fooling myself thinking I can do "no contact"?

We’re told we’re strong if we just cut our losses and walk away.

Go “no-contact”, we’re told, and we’ll feel better faster.

They’ve heard enough from us. These people who love us and only want the best for us, can’t understand why we would put ourselves through this even one moment more.

And so, with heavy hearts, but a strong resolve, we say goodbye, we shut the door, and we finally let go and move on.

We don’t answer their calls or texts. We block them on social media. We block their number.

We strengthen our resolve with calls to our girlfriends who remind us just how much better off we are without them.Continue Reading

I Have Almost No Self-Esteem Left

32 Comments

A beautiful woman with her face in her hands because her self esteem is so low.
My self esteem is completely gone because of his hurtful words.

What do you do when the relationship that you're in has simply worn you down to the point that you have almost no self-esteem left, but you just can't bring yourself to let go and move on? Our story this week comes from gorgeous Angelina, who can't imagine life without him, but is feeling completely broken down at this point.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane.

Please allow  me to preface this to say that my husband is my first real love and I have identified myself with my marriage so long that not only is this excruciating but I also have almost no self esteem left because I forgot who I was.

From day one I always had misgivings about the person who is now my husband and we even argued a little on our first date but I let his other qualities shine through and chose to ignore his anger and tendency towards cruelty until the more problems we faced in life, (his overbearing, overly intrusive Eastern European minded mother and housing issues along with his demanding job) took a toll on me.

I felt we didn't handle any of these issues as a team, just him wearing me down with his anger and near total hatred of me until I caved in but this never felt right so I'd stand up for myself by getting angry at him.

He is so stubborn and his mother has messed his mind up so much, (she is very very good at guilting him and passing on her hysterics to him, she wants to be the first person in his relationship calling all the shots of the marriage), that I found myself reacting in anger and frustration to try to get him to do anything good for himself.Continue Reading

Should I Call it Quits or Keep Trying?

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Street sign showing direction for should I stay or should I go.
Should I ask him what is going on, or just move on?

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Gail. She's seeing the signs of the slowly disappearing man, but she's not quite ready to let go and she's wondering if she should keep trying to work it out.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane - I love your blog and have gained much insight from it - but I am still stuck with this particular dating dilemma, which I know is a fairly common one.

I have been online dating with a guy for around 4 months (we live about 7 hours car drive from each other) - I am 52, he is 56.  We hit it off right from the start and he was very romantic, telling me how he was falling for me big time, could imagine us spending our lives together, etc!

I really liked him and felt this might be the lucky charm (after several bad experiences).

He said he was really busy with his business in the run up to the end of the year, but he would make time soon to come and see me.  (Sorry, but I was not going to offer to go and visit him, I do feel that should come from him, first.)

Well, you can probably imagine what has happened.Continue Reading

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