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Not Quite Ready to Let Go and Move On?

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A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him.
You're lonely with him, and you're lonely without him.

I want to be so gentle here with you, because I know exactly how it feels when you're in this situation.

You love this guy. You don't want to just let him go and start your own life.

Sure it feels good to say "I'm leaving him" and hear the cheers from every woman who's gone before you, every woman who's ever made this difficult choice herself, but this was never the way you wanted it.

You never chose this heartbreak, and all you wanted was for him to change back to the way he used to be when you fell in love with him in the first place.

You're lonely without him. You're lonely with him. You don't know which is worse and you're afraid to find out in case you make the wrong choice.

This was always the hardest decision you were ever going to make.Continue Reading

Lucky

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Woman upset at her crush with other girl on a sunny day
She's just lucky? Here's what really happened.

Don't tell me it can't happen for you.

She had every reason it shouldn't have happened for her, but it did.

Don't tell me it's not the same for you.

I've seen this too often. No, she didn't just get lucky. Sure, the right place and time happened. But you know why it happened?

Because she finally dumped the guy who wasn't the right one for her who she was settling for once more because she didn't want to admit she'd failed again.

Because she stopped pretending it was working when it wasn't, and she finally got up the nerve to do what she knew in her heart she had to do and started creating a life for herself doing what she actually WANTED to do instead of following what she was SUPPOSED to do.

And yes she had a horrible childhood and was divorced twice and had kids of her own and all kinds of other baggage.

But you know what? So did he. So do we all!

So when you say she just got lucky - the way you see it, so sure, let's go with that - you know when that happened?Continue Reading

Your Worst Fear

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Rear view pensive thoughtful woman sitting on sofa alone, lost in thoughts, upset female having psychological problem, heartbreak, thinking about being alone
Here's why it's not going to happen.

We have to talk about your worst fear. I know you've got many, but this one stands out because it's the one that's hurting you the most.

There's too many of us here hanging onto a guy who's already missed all your checkboxes only because you're afraid you'll never meet anyone else as good as him.

This is the absolute worst reason to put up with what you're putting up with right now!

See, there aren't all these people walking around on this planet right now and no one who could possibly be someone for you.

This is one of the biggest lies we've ever been programmed with; that you have to ignore how badly someone is treating you, that you have to minimize and excuse away all those behaviors that you used to say you'd never tolerate, just to avoid being alone.

No, you're not going to be alone forever!Continue Reading

I Don't Understand How He Could Walk Away From This

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A beautiful woman leans her head against the wall, sad about her breakup.
I can't help but wonder if he'll come back.

Gorgeous Wanda had a great relationship with amazing chemistry and a strong emotional connection, but now he's saying he can't commit and doesn't want a relationship. She's trying to understand what happened.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

Thank you for providing all your great content - your articles have been so helpful. I think my story is similar to many that you have shared, but I'm hoping you can be helpful with this situation.

Here's my story: I was dating a man, and the first 2 months were perfect... honestly maybe too perfect.

He was consistently making an effort and told me how much he liked me. We had instant chemistry and a really strong emotional connection. I truly think we both thought we were a good match in terms of personality, values, chemistry, etc.

At ~2 months in, he was honest about his concerns that he wouldn't be able to commit/offer enough to a relationship at that time. Long story short, we decided to keep dating anyway, both with the hope that things would get better.Continue Reading

After One Wonderful Year, He Suddenly Changed

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A beautiful woman is feeling sad and broken hearted about her relationship.
Why did he act so loving only to break up with me?

Our letter this week comes from Abi, who had a feeling something was off and went on to find out she was right. Sound familiar? I have a feeling most of you can relate.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane, I’ve recently gone through a breakup. He was my first ever boyfriend and the first time I’ve ever felt loved. We were dating for almost a year until he suddenly changed - as if a switch just turned in his head.

This happened the day they announced lockdown in England and I went through six weeks of no communication from him unless I instigated the conversation. As the weeks went on his behaviour started to change which started to hurt me more and made me think as to why he was doing this.

I had an inkling that he was going to break up with me but I thought I was just being paranoid.Continue Reading

Is He Just "Not Ready"?

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A beautiful woman is holding her head in her hands wondering if her boyfriend who has commitment issues is just playing games or if he wants a committed relationship.
Maybe I just need to move on.

Our letter this week comes from, Vicki, who's wondering if the man she feels a special connection with in their on-again, off-again relationship, will ever be ready for a real, committed relationship.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I love your programs and I am really relating to some of the stuff you say. I particularly relate to Sue's letter.

I have had an on/off relationship with a guy for just over 15 months.

I am 51 and have sorted my life out, he is 53 and hasn't.

He has not sorted out all the baggage from his marriage - i.e. not divorced, just now selling the home because he is having financial trouble.

The trouble comes from being depressed or bi-polar or chronic fatigue that led to a truck load of self-esteem issues and to top it off he has 2 young girls (4 and 10) as well as 2 older boys.

So his life is hard.Continue Reading

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