Finding Love

The posts in the Finding Love category relate to bringing love into your life, whether you are currently single, dating, or in a relationship. This category includes topics such as finding yourself, knowing what you want, living your life, etc.

When Do You Know?

5 Comments

silhouette of feet of couple sitting on the pier at sunset beach, low angle view — After those first few months, here's what I knew.

That was her question.

In our group coaching session over the weekend, one of the women who's experiencing something that seems like real love for the first time in her life asked me about when my husband and I first said the words "I love you", and how I knew I was in love with him.

Here's what I told them ...

I didn't know what I was in with my husband. I only knew how different it felt, how real it felt compared to the fantasy kind of love relationships I was used to, the kind that broke my heart almost as soon as I gave it away.

It was a few months after we'd met for the second time. We were at his friend's wedding in Santa Barbara, California.Continue Reading

When Loving Him Becomes an Addiction

4 Comments

A woman rubs her head because she's confused wondering if he's into her or not. — It's going to be so difficult for you to say no to him.

I had something to say this week to a woman who keeps letting someone back in who is verbally and emotionally abusive and I realize some of you may need this, too.

Of all the things we deal with, of all the men we chase and the ways we love and the ways we try to let go, there is nothing as damaging to our self-esteem, the very core of our being, than being with someone whose words and actions keep us staying small, forgetting our worth, putting all our hopes of ever feeling loved on the very ones who ironically are the very ones so incapable of showing us love, of giving us that love.

Being with someone like this feels so incredible at times. The highest of highs, followed at some point by the lowest of lows because it can't be sustainable when someone isn't capable of loving like this.

If this is where you are, if this is what you're going through, I offer you the solace of knowing you're not alone, that someone has your back, someone still sees you in the midst of this. One day soon, when you're free, you'll see this so much more clearly.Continue Reading

Why Do I Have to Do All This Work? Why Not Her?

5 Comments

A beautiful woman looks in a mirror wanting it to be the way it was. — It begins right here, looking in the mirror.

I’ve been thinking about you.

Thinking about how to put into words the core meaning of my message to you.

Yes, it’s about finding out who you are and shedding old programming, etc. But the question you explicity ask is the one that needs more of an answer to get to the real root of what I’m talking about.

Why? Why do I HAVE to do this work? Why does SHE get to find love, get married, find someone to love her for who she is? Why does SHE get him without doing all the work? Why do I HAVE to go on this journey to figure out who I am FIRST?

Why me? Why not HER?

We're angry. So angry. Most of which we’re not even aware of.

But we can’t be angry. We may get sad, but we don’t do angry. Maybe frustrated – as we’ve learned to downplay it because it won’t fit the good little girl image we have to uphold at all costs - but not angry. Because that’s scary.Continue Reading

The Last Layer

8 Comments

A beautiful woman looks out the window at the sun shining through realizing she has a fresh start. — There's one more layer you haven't uncovered yet.

When your view of yourself is limited to the words you heard growing up as a child from people who had so many of their own issues, because they didn't know how to love themselves let alone love you, their words become your own.

You don't see yourself as lovable, beautiful, spirited, passionate, confident.

You see yourself as flawed, unlovable, clumsy, messy, stubborn, lazy or whatever other words were thrown at you.

As adults, when we don't understand these underlying roots of our assumed identities, we attract people who are familiar to us. People who remind us of our parents, who have a similar view of us as we're used to.

As much as we can hardly bear to hear those words spoken or implied again, it's the only thing we know.

That's why separating those early roots from our reality today is such an important part of creating healthy relationships. We have to first be attracted to healthy people before we can form healthy relationships!

The Part No One Told You About

Is He Too Good for Me Because of My Baggage?

2 Comments

fashionable woman with lots of baggage in the middle of the street — I feel guilty bringing all of my baggage to a relationship.

Our letter today comes from one of our beautiful readers who's chosen to go by the name "LoveIs." Like most of us who have ever been attracted to someone because of their potential, LoveIs is reaching out today for some answers on the question of what to do when you're attracted more to someone's potential than what they're actually showing you they're capable of.

Sound familiar? Read on to find out what I have say on this very relevant question.

Dear Jane,

I love all of your content and the time you spend sharing your knowledge to the world really touches people. You're one of a kind. Would you share some of that knowledge with me today?

I tend to overlook men who are actually good for me and am attracted to men who aren't.

I'm talking about the emotionally unavailable, you chase him, mysterious, keeps you guessing, you wanna be the one to change him type. For some reason, this type of man I find comfort in which is in no way logical but alas, here we are.Continue Reading

« Previous Page
1
…
7
8
9
10
11
…
34
Next Page »

M	T	W	T	F	S	S
			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30	31

When Do You Know?

When Loving Him Becomes an Addiction

Why Do I Have to Do All This Work? Why Not Her?

The Last Layer

The Part No One Told You About

Is He Too Good for Me Because of My Baggage?

Latest Tweets

Recent Comments

Calendar