Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

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Finding Love

The posts in the Finding Love category relate to bringing love into your life, whether you are currently single, dating, or in a relationship. This category includes topics such as finding yourself, knowing what you want, living your life, etc.

I was once that girl, too.

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A woman is upset, with her head in her hands, because her boyfriend says he wants a break.
I wish someone had told me this.

I was once that girl with a traumatized heart and soul, with the harshest lessons learned about love and sex and life. I feel your pain, every part of it that you're going through.

I was once that girl, too.

But I know something more from going it through it than I could ever have known then. There's so much more for you in spite of - and even because of - what you've been through.

So I say to you what I wish someone could have said to me back when I walked in similar shoes.

Love hasn't left you behind.

Love hasn't forgotten about you.

You did the best you could with what you knew. Continue Reading

You're too good for him, Girl.

32 Comments

A beautiful woman with her face in her hands because her self esteem is so low.
You have to ask yourself - are the tears worth it?

You're too kind for him, too compassionate for him, too understanding for him, too good for him, Girl.

Sure, he needs every bit of what you've got to offer him, but he's giving you nothing in return that's even close to what you're offering him. And yet all you're doing is justifying why those crumbs are worth you.

Stop justifying. Stop making excuses. Start looking at what's right there in front of you; the facts you already know.

Yes, I know. Facts are boring. Reality isn't exciting. And this one's potential offers so much more hope than anyone else you've been with so far.

Is crying yourself to sleep exciting? Is waiting for someone to come around exciting?

Is living in the future or the past because the present is too painful, the way you pictured love was going to be?

I meet way too many of you under the worst kind of circumstances, scraping the barrel for whatever crumbs you can still get from him. I see it so clearly for you because you can't see it when he's still all you can think about or cry about - but I'll tell you this.

I've been right there where I couldn't see it either and one of these days, just like me, you're going to see it so clearly too.

Oh girl, ask yourself this; is he really worth what you're putting yourself through?

Tell us in the comments below.

Am I Blocking Love?

2 Comments

A beautfiul woman is feeling anxiety over asking for what she needs.
I think I may be sabotaging my own love life.

Our letter this week comes from Maya, who's wondering if she may be blocking love from her life.

Here's what she had to say and my response:

Hello Jane,

Thank you for all the great emails and answers I have read till now. They are really helpful to get more and more insight.

I would really like to know your idea about this since I feel I need an outer perspective.

In short, a bit of my background.

Growing up I became a people-pleaser to avoid violence. And I got scared and always looked outside myself for love, running after men. Of course with the wrong results.

Went from abusive men to boring men.Continue Reading

How You Get The Guy For REAL

12 Comments

A beautiful woman has her eyes closed representing a panic attack.
It's all about what you believe.

If it feels like you've been on this search for what seems like forever, you're not alone.

Everyone has their own version of what you're doing wrong, or what you need to be doing instead. Just ask anyone, and the number of different answers you get is enough to make anyone completely confused.

In all my years of coaching women of all ages, from all walks of life, in every corner of the world there's one common denominator that stands out.

What you believe.

The women who find love, who find what they're looking for in life, believe it's possible to find something good.

It may not seem like anything significant, because after all, how does something as intangible as what you believe translate into something as practical as meeting someone? For those of you who live and breathe the practical, the logical and the measurable, it seems almost laughable.

Not Quite Ready to Let Go and Move On?

8 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him.
You're lonely with him, and you're lonely without him.

I want to be so gentle here with you, because I know exactly how it feels when you're in this situation.

You love this guy. You don't want to just let him go and start your own life.

Sure it feels good to say "I'm leaving him" and hear the cheers from every woman who's gone before you, every woman who's ever made this difficult choice herself, but this was never the way you wanted it.

You never chose this heartbreak, and all you wanted was for him to change back to the way he used to be when you fell in love with him in the first place.

You're lonely without him. You're lonely with him. You don't know which is worse and you're afraid to find out in case you make the wrong choice.

This was always the hardest decision you were ever going to make.Continue Reading

You know that relationship that broke your heart? Yeah, that one ...

8 Comments

Beautiful woman looking out the window on a rainy day, wondering if it serves her.
This is the one that made that difference.

Don't you dare discount this relationship that didn't work out, that broke your heart as having happened for no reason at all.

It may not have turned out the way you hoped it would be. It might not have lived up to its potential that only you could see.

But girl, it wasn't nothing.

Don't ever discount each and every one of the relationships and experiences you've gone through as nothing. That has the effect of making you feel like nothing is happening behind the scenes for you.

That's NOT what's going on. Even if you can't see anything happening yet, that's still not what's going on.

Here's why I'm bringing this up right now. See, this woman I've been coaching for awhile now has been through just about everything. Every type of guy, especially the "so much potential" kind.Continue Reading

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