It's a question I hear from so many of you: Am I asking for too much?
I need you to think about this one, because if we're ever going to stop taking this out on ourselves, we have to separate the two.
It’s not that you’re asking for too much. Oh you’re not!
For someone who’s on the same page as you, who’s ready for a real committed relationship and knows that’s exactly what he wants and nothing less, what you’re asking for is entirely reasonable and doesn’t need to be defended or explained to anyone!
But if we’re talking about someone who for all he may say he’s ready for a relationship but doesn’t show you with his real life actions that he actually is, then you're going to feel like you’re asking for too much for a very good reason.
And this reason is because there’s a disconnect between the two of you.
You want it. He doesn't. So, Beautiful, don’t take this on yourself.
Don’t let his inability to commit to you cause you to put on yourself that there’s something so wrong with you for wanting one. You have every right to a real loving relationship, a love that loves you back, someone who cares about you and will be there for you through everything – and actually WANTS to be.
Whether you’re looking back at a relationship that showed so much promise but could never have been because he wasn’t in it for the same reasons you were, or whether you’re in the throes of a relationship where you’re more lonely with him than you were before him, or somewhere in between, there’s something here for you.
The problem isn’t that we’re asking for too much, it’s that we’re asking it of the ones who it’s too much for!
My question for you is, whose problem is that? Is it yours? Or is it his?
This is so important!
Because if it’s yours, your takeaway is that there’s something wrong with you for wanting what you want. For not settling for less than what you want.
And the bigger problem with this line of thinking is that it affects us to our core. We don’t just make it that we want too much from someone who doesn’t want the same thing; we make it that we shouldn’t want what we want.
We make it that we’re too needy, too weak, too whatever else we make it about, until it affects our self-confidence and self-esteem to the point that we’re walking around feeling unlovable, undesirable, unworthy and everything else this spirals down to. But none of that is true! None of it.
It’s only because we’re confusing the two.
We’re confusing our dissonance between what he wants and what we want as equaling something wrong with us.
There’s nothing wrong with you! There’s nothing wrong with what you want!
And the faster we learn that part, the faster we figure that part out, the faster we can leave behind the should haves, would haves, could haves - all those regrets - and move on to someone who’s actually looking for a real relationship with you!
Take your beautiful heart full of all this love and affection and everything else you’re ready to throw away on someone who’s shown you over and over again that he’s not capable of making the kind of commitment you’re so ready to make, and give it to someone who’s actually looking for this, too.
That’s the only kind of heart you’re looking for. One who’s in this for the same reasons you are.
Notice who’s looking at the same things you are. Notice who’s paying attention and noticing and standing up for the same things you are. Notice who’s showing you he has a heart, that he’s passionate about something that you're passionate about, who’s showing you he’s looking for the same thing you are.
You’re not asking for too much.
But keep asking it of someone who’s not on your page, who can’t give you what you’re looking for, who has to deflect this back on you in order to feel better about himself, and you’re absolutely going to feel like you are.
Don’t do this!
You deserve to be loved. Yes, you. You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to not have to keep asking for the very thing that will naturally come without any begging when it’s coming from someone who can do this.
And honestly, Beautiful, that’s the only kind you want!
What about you, Gorgeous? Have you ever felt like you were asking too much? Share your story with us below in the comments!