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Archives for January 2015

How Do I Say No When I Can't Stop Thinking About Him?

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A beautiful woman is trying to break free of a guy that she can never seem to say no to.
How do I say no to him?

Our gorgeous friend, who has called herself "Mayan Goddess", is wondering how to break free of a guy that she can never seem to say no to.

Here's her story:

He says it's complicated with his on-and-off-again girlfriend... He said, I don't want to break your heart.

How do I know when to say, "no" when all I think about is being with him?

My story short version:  It was three years ago when I first laid eyes on him.  He started working where I was filling in for a coworker for a month. It was weird. We couldn't keep our eyes off each other. I would catch him staring at me.

When we looked at each other it was like we were gazing at the stars (at least from everyone else's opinion.) I was married at the time. He had a girlfriend.  Although, we chatted every now and then, we were respectful to one another.

It took three weeks before I mentioned I was married and before he mentioned his "girlfriend."

We were in the elevator alone one time and I just was so nervous, I was red and felt like I couldn't breathe. He, too, was red staring at me and having small talk. It was only 20 seconds or so but felt like it was an eternity.....

I filled in every now and then for my coworker for three more months.... He finally was transferred (or moving up the ladder) and went on to his next assignment.  We never did anything nor ever said anything for that matter, but we just knew.

That was the last time I seen him. 2012/February... I had said to myself, "Wow, Lord. How lucky is his girlfriend? What I would give to experience being with such a highly-respected/kind/thoughtful guy??? She's super lucky!"

In those two-and-a-half years,I thought about him often. Wondered if we would cross paths again. I knew sooner or later we would. It was inevitable because of where we worked.  (Legal system.)

I had been in a abusive marriage for a very long time. My marriage finally ended.Continue Reading

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

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A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.
That was supposed to be me!

There's nothing quite like seeing the guy who just broke your heart out with someone else.

It doesn't seem to matter how much time has passed; if you haven't moved on and he has, there's nothing that stalls your progress as quickly as that sight. Seeing him with someone else, in that place where you were supposed to be. It makes you experience that heartbreak all over again.

"It was supposed to be me", you think to yourself.

How does it happen? You want to know. Why her – and not me?

I, too, spent far too many hours of my life trying to find the answers to both of those questions. Because, after all, if we know the answer to that, then we feel like we finally have some control over our lives.

After all, we've all heard the all-too familiar story of the rare guy who's been in his fair share of long-term relationships, but never found a reason to commit – until suddenly, we get the news through a friend that he's found the "right" woman for him and his previous aversion to commitment has suddenly gone away.

You wanted this with him. Why couldn't this be happening to you?

Why weren't you enough for him?Continue Reading

Seeing Rejection for What it Really Is (and What it Isn't)

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A golden egg amidst white eggs symbolizing that differences does not equate to rejection.
It's not rejection - it's just two different pages.

I was just five years old when I had my first hard lesson in rejection.

I was about to lose my first tooth and I was so excited to share this experience with my best friend Sarah, so I called her house to tell her.

She was excited too.

Then a few minutes later, as it became even more loose and felt like it might fall out, I called her again to tell her about this very important (at least to two five year olds) update. She once again shared in my excitement.

Then, a few minutes later, it fell out. And so I called her again to tell her this big news.

But this time when her mother answered she was not nearly as excited as her daughter and I were. In fact, before I could get a word in, she told me to stop calling. To say that I was devastated is putting it mildly. My little 5 year old world was absolutely shattered beyond recognition.

Why do I remember this story like it was yesterday?

Why do I now, as I recount the story, still feel like that little 5 year old girl standing on a chair to reach the wall-mounted phone, so excited to share her life event with her best friend, only to be utterly devastated by such an unexpected response?Continue Reading

The Confidence We Were Never Given

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A beautiful young woman is figure skating, building her confidence and enjoying her passion.
It's time to let your light shine!

I've recently taken up ice skating again.

You may remember this post where I mention my aspirations to become a professional figure skater as a young girl. I rediscovered my love of ice skating in my late twenties during my own personal quest to find my passions and create the life I always wanted – and rediscovered the little girl with such big dreams in the process.

As happens with life sometimes, the ice skates went into a box and got put in the back of the closet along with a lot of other things while more pressing priorities (like raising small children) took over the forefront of my life.

But now, I'm happy to say, they're once again seeing not only the light of day, but the beautiful cold smoothness of the ice once again. This time around I'm skating with my kids, and it's an amazingly enjoyable activity for me to do with them.

Whenever the music's playing over the sound system, the disco lights are flashing and I'm gliding over the freshly cleaned ice, I get that feeling like the world's my oyster once again.

Like anything is possible.

And that feeling is the exact reason why I’m always encouraging you to find a form of creative expression that speaks to you. Something you love and can feel passionate about. When you discover this for yourself, you’ll know exactly why!

But that's not what this post is about.

Continue Reading

Am I Not Meant to Find Love?

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A drawing depicting a man and a woman getting married against a white background with a red slash through it symbolizing she is not meant to find love.
I always wanted a husband and family, but what if it's not meant for me?

One of our beautiful readers, Annie, is heartbroken after a recent break up, and is questioning whether she's just not meant to ever be in a loving relationship.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

It's been less than two months when I broke up with my ex who lied to me just about everything and cheated on me with number of people. In fact the 10 months he made me believe he loved me, he never did while I was in love with him.

He was honestly the worst person I've met. He broke my heart, took an advantage of me and it still hurts a lot.

Since then I have slowly started healing but this break up has made me almost lose hope sometimes.

I'm 35 almost 36 and not getting any younger.

I have also met not only one but many wrong guys and although some people always say I'm a relationship type person I seem to be alone year after year.

The last relationship being the tip of the ice berg of him taking advantage of me, of wrong person since I had been alone for a very long time before that also only having short 3 month things with other wrong people.

He chose wrong and it was unfair 'cause I am not like the others.

I'd rather be alone and happy than be trying to find someone through online dating or going to nightclubs and bars to look for someone. I don't need someone to hug me just for fun. If I ever meet someone it is because we share something in our hearts and that now brings me to question my life.

What if I am just not the relationship type of person?Continue Reading

The Advice You Won't Hear Anywhere Else

86 Comments


Among all the voices that say "leave him", "dump him", etc., there lies the reality of you.

The loving, giving beautiful soul you are that knows exactly what you "should" do. They make it sound so simple, but it doesn't feel anything like simple to you. It feels heartbreaking, and so very sad, and not at all what you want to do.

How do I just walk away from someone I love?

Yes, exactly. How do any of us? It's the question you want to know the answer to.

Oh your friends have so much advice for you. In fact, even complete strangers only have to hear a few minutes of your situation before they have the same advice to offer you. How can you stay with someone who gives you so little of his time? How can you want to be with someone who can't give you a straight answer as to when, let alone if, he might someday be ready to commit to you?

They  make it sound so easy, so simple, but to you with so much of your heart, your life and your time invested, it's anything but easy.

In fact, it's the hardest thing you ever tried to do.

And how can it not be? He promised so much. He gave you so many reasons to believe. He made you feel like he was on the same page as you. He talked about the same things. He said he wanted the same things.

He made you feel like all that was missing was you.Continue Reading

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