I remember it well. It was a Saturday night, and I was off to the mall - again - with my guy’s mom.
Yep, you read that right.
Not with him; not with my girlfriends. With his mom.
See here’s the thing; if I couldn’t be with him on Saturday nights, (you see, that was the well-rested, high-energy day he saved for going out with his buddies while I got the end-of the-week exhausted Friday nights), then the next best thing to me was to be with his family.
Any of them. Even his brother-in-law.
There we were on the couch. All four of us. His mom, his dad, his brother-in-law and me. Watching television after we’d gotten back from shopping (his mom and me - remember?)
His sister was working late again, or she’d have been there too. So there we were - one big happy family, right?
Funny how at the time some of the things we do seem ordinary, almost normal.
Now I look at it and wonder - what on earth was I thinking? But there I was, with the family, thinking that if this was the closest I could get to him right now, then it was closer than being alone or hanging out with unrelated people.
At least they adored me. Really, really adored me.
Thought I was the perfect girl for him. Part of the family. Except to him. Come to think of it, he didn’t really hang out with them much himself.
But I did. Just me and his family.
Okay, I hope you’re following along closely here, because if you ever find yourself doing that, hanging out with his family because he’s not available to you, but you’ll settle for them, please try to see the absurdity of that. And know that it’s not going to get you any closer to him.
It’s not going to bring him any faster to the realization that he can’t live without you, that he needs to make that commitment to you, that you really are the one for him.
In fact, the opposite may happen. Because he knows what you’re doing.
He knows what’s going on - what you’re trying to do here. And it might be scaring him away that much more.
But don’t stop doing it because of that. Stop doing it because you deserve better than that.
His family might be great, and you might really enjoy hanging out with them, but they’re his family. And one day when this all ends, it’s going to be more than a little complicated when they’re still inviting you over and he’s not.
You get what I mean?
It’s alright if you don't. I didn’t either.
The point is it’s his family, not yours. And pretending you’re already one big happy family together won’t bring him any closer to you.
So the next time you’re tempted to live in that fantasy world, give yourself a reality check and spend time with people who are genuinely a part of your world, not his. Because this is about you and living your life, not settling for parts of his.
P.S. Keep in mind that there will be times that you’re spending time with his family even when he’s not around, and that’s perfectly fine – terrific in fact. It just shouldn’t be on Saturday nights when he chooses his buddies over you…