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You are here: Home / Archives for little girl

Is He a Man-Child?

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A beautiful woman sits on a deck feeling frustrated at her boyfriend for acting like a man child.
He disappears at the first sign of any little conflict!

Our beautiful friend, who has called herself "Regretful", is in an on again, off again relationship with a guy that disappears as soon as there is any little conflict.

Here's her story:

Jane,

I have been in a relationship which has been an off again, on again basis. Never any major fights , but any little conflict or misunderstanding and he disappears.

No talking about it. No resolution, no contact from him ever.

It ends up with me doing the crazy messages asking him to at least talk to me and to let me at least explain what happened or what was said or misunderstood. Initially when he would disappear, he would come around but for past year if it happens for what ever reason, it's always me trying to get him to come back and give us another chance.

We always have a wonderful time when we're together and I love him to bits. I grew untrusting of him when we did split up for a 3 months period last year and he was with someone else. I felt maybe he had been in contact with this girl and setting it up before he split from me.

I ran back into his arms when it didn't work out.

This time there was a misunderstanding and he felt offended and hung up on me. It wasn't true what he thought I had said but after my text messages explaining what I actually said he did text back that he was sorry. Since then he will not acknowledge me no matter how hard I try and talk to him.

I'm left angry that we can't have any 'life incident' without this happening.

After a week I said I no longer want to be in a relationship with a Man who can't be around through thick and thin. I don't want to be abandoned every time something happens that he can't deal with. I had told him before that if he just needs space, to let me know and I will give him time but I need to know what is going on.

This time I went to crazy mode and ended it.Continue Reading

The Confidence We Were Never Given

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A beautiful young woman is figure skating, building her confidence and enjoying her passion.
It's time to let your light shine!

I've recently taken up ice skating again.

You may remember this post where I mention my aspirations to become a professional figure skater as a young girl. I rediscovered my love of ice skating in my late twenties during my own personal quest to find my passions and create the life I always wanted – and rediscovered the little girl with such big dreams in the process.

As happens with life sometimes, the ice skates went into a box and got put in the back of the closet along with a lot of other things while more pressing priorities (like raising small children) took over the forefront of my life.

But now, I'm happy to say, they're once again seeing not only the light of day, but the beautiful cold smoothness of the ice once again. This time around I'm skating with my kids, and it's an amazingly enjoyable activity for me to do with them.

Whenever the music's playing over the sound system, the disco lights are flashing and I'm gliding over the freshly cleaned ice, I get that feeling like the world's my oyster once again.

Like anything is possible.

And that feeling is the exact reason why I’m always encouraging you to find a form of creative expression that speaks to you. Something you love and can feel passionate about. When you discover this for yourself, you’ll know exactly why!

But that's not what this post is about.

Continue Reading

What Is It About Him?

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A beautiful woman is looking at her boyfriend with love wondering what is it about him?There's a reason you choose who you do. You know this all too well, even if you don't understand what that reason is. You're the first to admit that not just anyone will do; there has to be something that sets the one apart who's going to get a second glance from you.

And that something is always more about you than him.

There's some unmet need you have deep down inside you that's looking to be met in this person your radar has honed in on. It's rarely about anything as simple as a look. No, it runs so much deeper than this. More often than not, it's an attitude that comes through more clearly and more seductively than anything else you can put your finger on.

But why now? What is it about him?

This is your work, not his. To discover what exactly "it" is so that you are no longer powerless. How can you own your own power when someone who comes along like this can have so much power over you?

You see, I understand all too well what you mean when you say he's like no one else you've ever met before. I understand why it can feel so different, and seem like this time, it's going to be the real thing, despite all practical and logical reasons to the contrary.

Because when it's a need deep within ourselves we're subconsciously trying to fill, it takes on a life of its own.

There is no logic.

There is no practical reality of what is. There is only potential. There is only what if. There is only "but this time he's going to be different."

Because this is what you so want to believe. It's what it just has to be. And so, it's what you will make it out to be.

Your work begins and ends with you, not anyone outside of yourself, and especially not anything he can do for you. So what is it about him that keeps you coming back for more? What is it about him that makes you feel like you can't live without him, that he's your very lifeblood and without him you can't make it on your own? These are just feelings after all. They're the very stories we've bought into and told ourselves so many times that they've become our very reality regardless of the truth.

Of course you can live without him. Of course you don't need anyone outside of yourself. But when it feels like it does, and  your own inner longing is what it is, there's no fighting this feeling that consumes you.

Unless you know the truth.

The truth that comes from accepting and loving yourself wherever you are, whatever that looks like right now.

The truth that comes from being compassionate with yourself for what you thought you should have learned by now.

The truth that comes from allowing yourself to be exactly who you are, however flawed, however imperfect that might look like to you from where you stand with such standards of perfection you hold for yourself.

There's no one who does this to you like you do!

But instead of using these imperfections as one more thing to beat yourself up about, it's time to do something so different.

Find out what that little girl inside you needs to fill her cup full.

Find out what she's missing that makes her hold on so tightly to someone who isn't right for her.

Find out why she feels the need to be with someone who can't give her what she's looking for.

But don't stop there. It's never enough to only understand why. "Why" is a springboard to build from to do our work to find out what we need to know that we can' t yet see for ourselves.

We have to be willing to do something about it. We have to be willing to grow ourselves, to stretch, to be open to seeing what this new knowledge and these new ways of seeing can do for us. To letting go of something or someone that's hurting us, of giving someone a second look who we might have overlooked before.

It's what we do with all we're learning that makes the greatest difference in what we find, in what we're seeing, not just what we're coming to see!

Don't accept anything less than being happy, not just feeling a familiar feeling that in your heart of hearts isn't what you know this life is meant to be.

It's your beautiful life. It's your time to live it the way life is meant to be. Don't make it about any him; make it about you!

How about you? What are your reasons for holding on so tightly to what isn't working? Know that you're not alone and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you! I'd love to hear your story. Please share it with us in the comments.

Release the YOU You Never Knew

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Release your inner diva. A silhouette of a beautiful, sexy woman in high heels and a skirt stands against a lavender background with white swirls. She's confident, attractive and sexy.Find and get to know your inner diva.

I’ve got some breaking news: you don’t need a man to define your life! You don’t need a man to have a world to fit into. You don’t need a guy to feel like you can start living. In fact, it’s the opposite – your life is exactly that – yours. Men (at least the healthy ones) like women who have their own life. If a man wants a woman who’s going to devote their entire being to him, and cater to his every whim, then he’s got his own issues and we don’t want to go there anyway.

Your life is what you choose to make of it. You can keep waiting and hoping for the right guy to hurry up and come along and rescue you from your current life because you think it’s easier to be in someone else’s ready-made life than make one of your own. But the price you pay for that is your self-esteem, your worth, your confidence, your you. Because you can do it, too! Did someone forget to tell you that you can be anything you want to be? You can! You can do anything, be anything, and achieve anything, if you believe in yourself that you can.Continue Reading

He Was Never Really There

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We forget just how miserable we were far too much of the time. We forget how many of our own needs weren't being met. We forget all the waiting. We forget all the uncertainty. We forget all the times we felt like anything would have been better than what we were living. A beautiful woman is sad thinking about her recently ended relationship.It's always hard to let go of a dream. The dream of all the potential the relationship showed, the dream of all that could have been. We tend to have such a selective memory when we finally let him go or he lets us go. Either way, it's the same.

We remember all the wonderful times, the great things, that amazing potential he showed. And we start questioning ourselves and why we couldn't just have been this or that. Why we couldn't have been more understanding of him (as if we weren't already all too understanding!)

We wonder why we couldn't be content with less.

And then we start wondering if we're worth it. We forget just how miserable we were far too much of the time. We forget how many of our own needs weren't being met. We forget all the waiting. We forget all the uncertainty. We forget all the times we felt like anything would have been better than what we were living. We start on that slippery slope that has us second-guessing ourselves and leaves us spending all too much of our time and energy fantasizing about how to get him back and how different things would be this time around – if only we can convince him to give us another chance.

Stop right there, my beautiful friend. It's time to see this through your strong adult eyes instead of through the eyes of that little girl who's been trying to get that love she wants so badly. It's time to ask yourself some questions to see what was really there.

  • Did he really care about what you wanted?
  • Did he want the same thing?
  • Did he say he wanted the same thing, but his actions showed otherwise?
  • Did you feel anxious when you were with him?
  • Did you feel like if you could just be content to go with the flow, it would have been turned out so much better?
  • Would he have been perfect if only he could commit?

We can be so understanding, so forgiving, and so willing to put someone else first without thinking about whether they even deserve that kind of response from us in the first place. Is he worth what you've been putting yourself through? Is he worth your beautiful you? We can get so caught up in whether he wants us, whether he loves us, whether he's going to commit to us, that we forget that this is so much more about us than him. It's not about what if, it's not about what could have been, it's not about if only, it's about what is.

And you, my beautiful friend, deserve nothing less than a real relationship based on reality; a reality of two people on the same page who want the same thing and are committed to making that happen regardless of any extenuating circumstances.

Because if you don't have that, what do you really have?

What to Do When He Suddenly Disappeared

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You're in a relationship with the perfect guy, the one you've been waiting your whole life for, when suddenly he disappears from your life never to be heard from again. A woman is looking at her iphone wondering why he disappeared.Almost all of us have been there before at least once in our lives.  The perfect guy, the one you've been waiting your whole life for, suddenly disappears, never to be heard from again. No call, no text, not even a goodbye note. There you are, left all alone, wondering what happened, where’d he go, what went wrong, and, most importantly, what should you do now?

While some of us try desperately to get him back, others go back and forth second guessing everything and blaming ourselves for being the reason he disappeared. Most of us, at one time or another, have found ourselves so utterly devastated by the disintegration of what seemed so promising, so full of potential, that we are unsure of how to move on.

The good news is that there's a process for getting through this and getting back on track, to where you were before he disappeared.

Express it.

Whether you punch couch cushions or a punching bag, cry into your pillow until your tears are finally dried up, scream at the top of your lungs or pour out your heart to your best friend, the key is to let it all out. Let yourself really feel everything no matter how painful, say everything you want to say until you get to the tears and then let it all out. There is nothing as healing as those tears that finally come when we realize that underneath our anger and our rage at what happened is simply a hurt little girl who wasn't ready to give up on a dream. From there, true emotional healing can finally begin and life can begin anew.

Write it out.

Write a letter or email to him letting him know how much he hurt you and how much it hurt you that he disappeared. Don’t miss anything you want to say to him. Write out every detail, every feeling, every way you feel betrayed, misled and disappointed with the way he suddenly disappeared without a trace, without any explanation.

But don’t send it to him; this is for you, not him. It’s in putting it down on paper that you get it all out while it serves as a reminder of what it was really like with him when your memory can only conjure up all the wonderful things about him and the relationship and forgets all too easily the reality of what it was really like. Then when you no longer need this reminder, once you can see the reality of what was instead of the fairytale fantasy of what you wanted it to be, get rid of it.

Forgive him.

Yes, you read that right. You have to forgive him for the fact that he disappeared without so much as saying goodbye. Let go of the anger and the sadness realizing that he just wasn't there didn't know how to handle the situation any better. He wasn't on the same page as you and as much as he might have wanted to be, he didn't know what to do to get there and wasn't able to be honest and upfront with you when he realized this. This isn't about excusing him or lessening what you went through; this is about you recognizing that he is just as human as you and can make mistakes, too.

It doesn't absolve him of what he did or the responsibility for his actions, it’s simply about you making a decision to forgive him and let go of holding a grudge against him. It's about not letting that kind of negative energy permeate your relationships going forward. It’s this lack of forgiveness that all too often ends up with us having hardened hearts with jaded attitudes even when we move on from these past hurtful relationships. It’s when we truly can see him for the less than perfect guy that he really is that we can learn to forgive in a genuine way that allows us to forgive ourselves, too.

Realize it was a gift.

The bottom line is that he wasn't the one for you. You weren't meant to be together. And it really was a gift that you found out now, as painful as this realization can be, before you invested any more of your time and energy on someone who isn't there, isn't on the same page where he can give you what you’re looking for from him. It doesn't get any easier the longer you’re together; it only gets more painful. So know that you've been saved from so much more heartbreak down the road by finding this all out now.

Now you’re available for someone who is on your page.

You now have the time and energy to spend on someone who is right where you are, looking for the same thing you are with someone just like you. There is nothing that compares to this when you find it, and the surest way to finding it is in the process of letting go of the ones that aren't where you are, as painful as that can be to accept.

Above all, by looking at our relationship endings this way, we can begin to see that these things really do happen for a reason, and when it’s meant to be, it will be! And when it’s not, it’s a beautiful thing if we choose to see it that way; as it clears the way for the right one to arrive.

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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