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I'm Heartbroken - How Do I Move On?

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A beautiful woman lies on her bed looking at her laptop.
I found out he's in a new relationship only a month after we split!

It's always so difficult to move on after a serious heartbreak, even when we know it's the best thing for us to do. Our letter this week comes from our beautiful friend Paulina, whose boyfriend suddenly left her and her son after she asked him about making a commitment.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane ,

I broke up with my boyfriend of over three and a half years about 7 months ago and I just can't seem to move on.

He basically was literally part time living with me and my 12 year old son who he bonded with over the years and we were both incredibly hurt when he left.

We broke up because I kept asking when we were going to move the relationship on and he kept avoiding my questions even though he was living with me and my son for 5 days a week. We had a heart to heart the day after Valentines day and I told him to leave and think about what he wants.Continue Reading

How Much Time to Allow Before Commitment?

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A beautiful woman is sitting on a beach looking at the ocean, wondering when he'll commit.
How long is reasonable for him to change his mind?

Our gorgeous friend, who has called herself "Undecided" is in a relationship with a man who doesn't want a commitment.

Here's her email:

I have known my male friend for 5 years. We were both separately married but 18 months ago my friend separated from his wife of 12 years and 6 months ago my husband passed away.

We have since then been good friends not just acquaintances.

He is a very understanding warm lovely person. We both have a disability child and both are very similar. So we understand each other.

My friend has been through two marriage breakups and I can understand why he doesn't want to commit as he doesn't want to get hurt again. I'm still getting over my late husband so I can't commit but some day I would like to have that commitment but I have to look after my children first.

I'm giving myself 5 years to get over my bereavement. I'm hoping this will be enough time for him to change his mind.

What do you think?Continue Reading

Seriously? How Did I Get Here. . .

25 Comments

A brunette woman feeling lonely in her relationship sits looking at the ocean.
He's a great guy, but until I walk he won't ever truly show up.

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to call herself "Always Baby", or "AB" for short, has been in a long term on-and-off relationship with a guy who just can't seem to truly commit.

Here's her email:

I am 40. I met my boyfriend when I was 36.

We were together for a few years, split for 12 months, and got back together. We have now been back together for over a year.

My boyfriend told me on the first date he would never fall in love again, he would never marry again, and that was that. Maya Angelou says when people tell you who they are the first time, listen.

I should have.

Our chemistry was amazing..the date was planned around my loves (a play, dinner at the most romantic place)...the banter between us, sexual tension, instant connection--it was all there.

So I dated him.

The process of our relationship -- dating, to committed in regards to being his girlfriend took almost 7 months...and slowly, it hasn't grown much. We broke up when he took Chantix to quit smoking. It had horrible side effects on him including a withdrawal from life, passion, intimacy, his child who he has primary custody of, his personality -- he just became a depressed, dark man. I tried to stay with him. He eventually cut me out.

I thought about him every single day for that year that followed.Continue Reading

Stuck in the Pretense of a Relationship

23 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a bench upset, wondering if she ruined her relationship.
What if I ruined things by leaving?

Our beautiful friend, Metta, is wondering if she may have ruined things with the man she's dating by letting him know that she wants an exclusive relationship with him.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I've been reading several of your articles on dating someone who isn't wanting to commit and find them really helpful. I appreciate you sharing your gifts and insights. Hopefully you have the chance to read through this all as I would love to hear from you!!

I have been in an undefinable relationship with someone for close to a year now. He said early on that he just wants to be friends because of our age difference (he's 15 years older). However, we've continued to see each other and act as if we're dating.Continue Reading

Is There a Chance He'll Want to Become Serious After Awhile And "Come Back"?

62 Comments

Profile of a beautiful woman wondering if her guy will ever want a committed relationship.
Is there a chance, or am I just wasting my time?

Our beautiful friend, Eve, is dating a guy that has told her he doesn't want a commitment, and she's wondering what to do next.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

First and for all, thank you for all the good advice and real life stories. I have learned a lot from them.

My story is similar to some I already read, although I feel there is a nuance which makes me still doubt my situation.

The end of March, I met a guy through mutual interests (we were both playing Music at the same event) and after adding me on facebook, we quickly started chatting and he asked me on a date in the same week.

The date was incredible; he was thoughtful, funny, humble, intelligent and very handsome. He kissed me during the date and after a little while, asked if he could come back home with me. I wasn't planning on doing that, but for some reason, I went along with it.Continue Reading

The Disappearing Boyfriend

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A beautiful woman looks out over the beach, wondering why her boyfriend suddenly disappeared.
Things were going great, then he suddenly disappeared!

Our beautiful friend, Kaya, was in what she thought was a great relationship, only to have him completely disappear on her, claiming that she did something he's mad about (but won't tell her what it was).

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I must admit I love reading your posts. They are very informative, inspirational and helpful.

I was wondering if you could help me figure out a problem I am currently experiencing.

I met a guy few months ago and we started dating. Everything was great as we both wanted a mature, committed relationship and we both have similar life goals about the future. He officially called me his girlfriend and was planning to take me to his sister's wedding in July.

He made it clear how much he likes me and how much he enjoys his time with me. Every aspect of our relationship was amazing.

Last weekend after he went to work he never called me or texted me (he usually does) so I was a bit worried. After several days of failed attempts to contact him he finally texted me that he is mad at me but doesn't tell me why.Continue Reading

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