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Too Busy for a Relationship but Not Too Busy to String You Along

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Nobody is too busy, it is a matter of priorities - handwriting on a napkin with a cup of espresso coffee
He says he's too busy for a relationship because of work.

One of our beautiful readers, signed "In love with love", has a story that so many of us can relate to. The boyfriend that just can't seem to make time for (or commit to) a real relationship.

Read on for the full story:

Hi Jane,

I stumbled across one of your blogs, incidentally, a few weeks ago and have been hooked ever since.

You have a unique way of nailing all the issues with dating and love right on the head - it's to a point where you're reading, you think these blogs are made solely for you and speak to your own experience.

So Kudos for proving that relationship experts DO exist.

Anyhoo, I'd like to gather your thoughts on an issue that I've been dealing with. It's been some time since I've recapped events but I'll try my best to make it sensical.

In laymen's terms, I think I've fallen in love with someone who might love me back, but isn't letting themself. The only real excuse I've gotten is because he's too busy for a relationship because of work.

I don't buy that because I believe we make time for the  things and people we want. And if that's not me, why not just say so?

This would be a much easier pill to swallow if he would say he's just not that into me or doesn't see us working out. That I can understand. But this limbo we've been teetering in for months is mentally debilitating and hindering me from moving on.

Can you please advise?Continue Reading

The Illogical Logic Behind Why We HAVE to Get Him to Commit

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Word commitment written on a compass
Yes, I've struggled with this too.

I don’t want to just give you more of what hasn’t and still isn’t working for you.

I want this to be what finally breaks through to you in a way that I once needed something to break through for me.

Because even though I got out of it (like you will), it wasn't the way I wanted it to go at all. I would go on to repeat the same pattern over and over again for years.

Why?

Because just like you, I was looking for someone to commit to me, but  I was going about it all the wrong way.

Listening subconsciously to all those cultural messages that I couldn’t have seen at the time because I was too immersed in it, I didn't choose the ones who were actually ready for a commitment and actively looking for one; I picked the guy who wasn’t ready or at his very best, was confused about exactly what it was he wanted! The guy who I would have to make WANT to commit to me.

And then I put it all on myself to somehow defy his entire history to be the first woman in the world to finally make that happen. Sound familiar?Continue Reading

THIS Is How You'll Know if He Can Commit

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can or can t toggle switch
Is he even able to make a commitment?

It's a question almost all of us have faced at one time or another.

Can he commit, or am I wasting my time?

It's a question that's so very important, because being able to recognize this one – whether he's even capable of being able to make a real, long term commitment to a real relationship – is the difference between you feeling empowered and you feeling absolutely heartbroken.

See, we’ve been told from almost the time we first came into this world that we could make someone love us if we just did everything they wanted us to.

While this may have first applied to our relationship with our parents or some other close care giver when we were very young, this programming continues throughout all of our relationships in our lives. Continue Reading

I’m stuck. And Sad. I Need to Get Out.

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on.
I know I need to let go, but it's hard to move on.

We’ve got a beautiful sister who’s feeling stuck and sad, saying she needs to get out. She knows what she needs to do, but she needs our help and support to show her the way. She signed her letter "Anonymous", so I've called her "Ashley."

Here’s her letter:

Hi Jane.

I’ve been reading a lot of your posts / comments and I realized they sometimes give me lightbulb moments enough to nudge me forward. But they also make me cringe when I realize that some of them feel like it’s me the article is about.

I’m stuck. And I really need help.

I knew this guy from a dating app. It was instant attraction and chemistry. He was super keen and all that, so much so I started to believe he could be the one after all.Continue Reading

Did I Get Played?

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Woman upset after her boyfriend pulled away and disappeared, wondering if he'll ever come back.
Am I being an idiot for thinking this could actually be something?

This week I'm featuring a letter - along with my response - from gorgeous Maddie, who's wondering if the man she's been seeing is actually interested in a committed relationship or if he's just playing with her heart.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I have a question for you.

Some background information: I have known this guy for 6 years (we briefly dated 6 years ago and have remained in contact on and off in this time, both as friends and sometimes a bit flirty).

Over the last 5-ish months we have gotten quite close again.

He had a girlfriend so we never spoke or did anything sexual. He spoke to me about some of their issues and I gave advice as best I could.

They broke up around 6 weeks ago and since then he and I have spent time together and gotten a lot closer.Continue Reading

Why He Suddenly Changes After 3 to 4 Months

29 Comments

Sand passing through the glass bulbs of an hourglass measuring the passing time representing wasting time in a dead end relationship with a man who won't commit.
Why does it always happen at the same time?

We talk a lot on here about the man who comes on strong. The knight in shining armor type of guy who comes in and sweeps us off our feet before we even realize what’s happening.

We may not even notice him at first, because it’s not only about his looks or his physical attributes.

No, this one takes us completely by surprise because, overwhelmingly, most of the time we don’t even see it coming.

We’re a little aloof at first, cautious even. After all, we’ve been warned about this type of guy. The type who jumps in too fast, who wants to take everything to the next level faster than the relationship calls for, the one who simply can’t seem to get enough of you.Continue Reading

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