You don’t care about being attractive to every man. You don’t want anyone else.
All you want is him.
The one you’ve got. Or at least had.
He’s the one you want. And he’s the only one.
No matter what you’ve tried before, nothing seems to work on him.
Until now.
You know what makes him commit, Beautiful?
You do.
And here’s the long misunderstood how…
It’s you, being able to see yourself without needing him to make you feel like you’re finally being seen. That’s how.
Our entire reason for wanting to be with someone in a fully, committed relationship, is so that we can finally feel seen. Because with being seen, comes being loved for who we are, comes being accepted for who we are, comes being validated for who we are.
It’s how we find our worth.
But the problem is, he can’t do this for you.
Here lies the irony; this has to come from you.
And here’s the catch – because I know a lot of us have tried this one before; it has to be real. It has to be authentic. It can’t be something you pay lip service to.
When you see yourself for who you truly are, there’s an act of acceptance that you subconsciously do. And when you see yourself, when you accept yourself, you act differently. You behave differently. Because you are different!
Gone is the need to prove your worth, to use him to prove your worth, to have his ability to commit to you as the final indicator of your worthiness.
Stay with me here, because I’m going to show you how you get to this point.
Before I figured out this part, I tried everything to get a man to commit. Not just any man, but like you, the one man who wouldn’t commit to me. There were plenty of those in my timeline, just like there were the others who had no problem with commitment, but of course, those weren't the ones I was interested in.
I only wanted him.
When you no longer need to prove your worth, when you’re no longer dependent on someone else to give you relationship status that finally reveals your worthiness to be loved, to be wanted, to be accepted, when you never have to chase after another man ever again in your entire life, you then have the one thing you’ve only ever wanted.
It’s called love.
You see, Beautiful, what we’re looking for from the one man who we care about more than any other man, is a love to end all question of whether or not we are worthy of that love.
We call it unconditional love.
He commits because he can’t NOT commit.
He commits because it doesn’t feel like a commitment to him.
He commits because it’s easy for him to do.
He commits because we don’t need him to.
This – he commits because we don’t need him to – is the most powerful statement you can ever come to.
In fact, on a coaching call today where I met yet another graduate of my BCRY program (I offer a chance to meet on a one-on-one call at the end of the program), I heard from a woman who got back together with the same guy she was Googling about when she found my website. By the time she’d finished the 4 weeks of this same program HE was chasing HER.
You read that right. Same woman Googling about the same guy she was utterly heartbroken over, finds my program looking for answers to how to get this man to commit to her. She completes the program, then he wants her back.
This is what I’m talking about here! It just works!
Not because of anything you’ve tried before, but because when you follow exactly what I did – and so many others just like this woman on my call the other day – the unbelievable happens. Including your ex, reaching out, wanting to get back together with you.
And you know the best part? She’s in a position now for the first time in her life, where she has the tools to get exactly what she wants. She knows herself, she knows what she wants, she knows what to do to make that happen.
How about you - what have you tried to get him back? Share your story with us below in the comments!
Mells,
I totally understand where you're coming from. You're right, we shouldn't always want him to come chase after us but at the same time it's the only thing we want. Confusing huh?!
I think I do understand what you mean... this article opens a door for you where he might chase you ( possibly your dream) but you'd rather read something saying we should not want to be with someone who was doubting us in the first place.
Much love
You're right on about this, Birdlover. This is the paradox most of us go through to uncover who we really are, what we're actually looking for, and what we can live with. Don't fight it, Mells! This is all a part of the journey! Until we can let go, we have to look at what we're trying to let go off and see it or in this case, him, for who and what he is. And without all our options on the table, including the dreams that seem so out of reach, we can't get to the part where we choose, where we own our power, where we come face to face with just how much we have choices to have exactly what we want, no matter how much if feels like we don't. Stay tuned for a post on this. You've raised such a great discussion piece here!
I didn't mean to say You're not right about this one Jane, cause you are. And You're right, this article is not for me. And You're also on point about me already knowing I deserve better.
Something in your article made me think about following your program just to get him back. It triggered a feeling that There's Still a chance for him and me. A painful feeling. A feeling that I still can't find closure cause I can follow your program, become a stronger person and get him back. Him chasing me.. Eventhough I know That's not What's best for me. I also Thought about What if he comes back right after I got everything back on track. Right after I finally made my descicion and had the strengt to leave after all those years.. It would mess with my healthy state of mind.
I consider myself as a well thinking person, That's exactly What's so tricky for me. I do know a lot of theory about loss and heartbreak. But I'm Still staying in a 'relationship' that feels safe but brings me unsafety. A 'relationship' where I overgive. From No contact at all to seeing eachother again and again. Impulsive behaviour, texting him? Why? Cause the sun was shinging ahum :/. I also know why I'm still staying and I do understand where it comes from. For me it's a constant battle between my heart and brain( and common sence). No actions from my side whatsoever. There's a selfesteem issue here, only when it comes to him. I'm a confident person except When it's about him. What's that about? Fear? Addiction? No color in my life? Me wanting to be seen And heared by him like you say? Why? Is it my ego ? I just can't stand that I can't have him?
Back to my comment, I just wanted to let you know that I interpreted it in a different way 🙂
Hello there,
I'm following everything on this website for a while now and it's really helping me in the situation I'm in. This blog scares me a little though. I also want my ex back and would do everything to get him back, but what if that isn't a good thing? What if I shouldn't want him back? And what if I have to do something ( like leaving, cause I deserve more) I'm so scared and found out he still won't commit and is gone?
I don't think it's always a good thing to get someone back who's been doubting about you and the relationship. This is why this blog doesn't feel right for me.
If you have honestly followed Jane, as you say, you would know that she does not focus on the "he", but on the person who is sad and in need. She has never advocated for anyone to do manipulative things to get x outcome. Read more closely instead. This blog is the opposite of your typical dating advice that tells you do change who you are to get anyone to like you. It does not work like that anyway, by the way.
Exactly, Angel! You know me well 🙂
It usually isn't, Mells, but until we come to realize that on our own, many of us first need to try everything we can to make that happen. In this blog, as Angel so aptly explained (thanks, Angel!) I offered a way for someone who's hurting to try to make that happen. Not because they "should" or "shouldn't", but because we are each individual human beings who have our own lens and view of the world, are own particular programming, so everything isn't always so clear until we've explored our own options and discovered what we really want - and what we don't. Until we discover who we are and what we actually need, we can be left repeating our patterns over and over again. So I like to throw the cover off our programming, especially our cultural programming, to see through to our own power, to our own sense of choice, so each of us can see that we're not a victim of our circumstances, that there is always a choice we have if we understand why.
If this one didn't feel right for you, Mells, then that tells you that you didn't need this one. You already know you don't want him back. You already know you deserve more - and you always do when you realize this! It's absolutely not always a good thing to get someone back who's not on the same page as you (ie. who'd doubting you and the relationship, as you say). But for all the beautiful women who come to this blog who don't yet know that, who can't yet see this for themselves, they have to go through this finding out process first before they choose to let go, before they decide they've had enough, before they can move on. Those are the tools I give you here through this website. So that you can come to see what's behind the concept of you being the one doing the choosing, so that you stand in your own beautiful, feminine power and hold your head up high whatever your decision, your choice, may be.
That's what I want for you and every one who finds their way here. A place to be seen, to be heard, to be felt even if what you feel is that you want him back when a chorus of a thousand well-meaning women would tell you otherwise. No matter who agrees with you or not, you deserve nothing less than to have your heart and soul heard!