I remember it well. It was a Saturday night, and I was off to the mall - again - with my guy’s mom.
Yep, you read that right.
Not with him; not with my girlfriends. With his mom.
See here’s the thing; if I couldn’t be with him on Saturday nights, (you see, that was the well-rested, high-energy day he saved for going out with his buddies while I got the end-of the-week exhausted Friday nights), then the next best thing to me was to be with his family.
Any of them. Even his brother-in-law.
There we were on the couch. All four of us. His mom, his dad, his brother-in-law and me. Watching television after we’d gotten back from shopping (his mom and me - remember?)
His sister was working late again, or she’d have been there too. So there we were - one big happy family, right?
Funny how at the time some of the things we do seem ordinary, almost normal.
Now I look at it and wonder - what on earth was I thinking? But there I was, with the family, thinking that if this was the closest I could get to him right now, then it was closer than being alone or hanging out with unrelated people.
At least they adored me. Really, really adored me.
Thought I was the perfect girl for him. Part of the family. Except to him. Come to think of it, he didn’t really hang out with them much himself.
But I did. Just me and his family.
Okay, I hope you’re following along closely here, because if you ever find yourself doing that, hanging out with his family because he’s not available to you, but you’ll settle for them, please try to see the absurdity of that. And know that it’s not going to get you any closer to him.
It’s not going to bring him any faster to the realization that he can’t live without you, that he needs to make that commitment to you, that you really are the one for him.
In fact, the opposite may happen. Because he knows what you’re doing.
He knows what’s going on - what you’re trying to do here. And it might be scaring him away that much more.
But don’t stop doing it because of that. Stop doing it because you deserve better than that.
His family might be great, and you might really enjoy hanging out with them, but they’re his family. And one day when this all ends, it’s going to be more than a little complicated when they’re still inviting you over and he’s not.
You get what I mean?
It’s alright if you don't. I didn’t either.
The point is it’s his family, not yours. And pretending you’re already one big happy family together won’t bring him any closer to you.
So the next time you’re tempted to live in that fantasy world, give yourself a reality check and spend time with people who are genuinely a part of your world, not his. Because this is about you and living your life, not settling for parts of his.
P.S. Keep in mind that there will be times that you’re spending time with his family even when he’s not around, and that’s perfectly fine – terrific in fact. It just shouldn’t be on Saturday nights when he chooses his buddies over you…
Yes! I totally agree!
Get your own life, since he know where you are, he can do his dirt!!! My ex mother told me sooo much about her son (negative) that I did not believe her!! The lesson at the end she was correct...he was liar, thief, cheater, a man without integrity, moral and character. If you are going to hang out with the family...collect information!!
I do not see a problem here. Getting alone with his family sure does not guarantee you an engagement ring, but it does help you to get to know him and his family, so you can assess more carefully whether you even wsnt that engagement ring on the first place. Of course, do mot waste your time doing that if the guy is rejecting you and you are hoping to win him this way, although if you do it right, and if his family has a significant influence on him it might actually work a bit sometimes, but maybe it is not worth it. But if the guy spends at least his Friday night with you, and you are otherwise on good terms, then why not? Who said he can not see his buddies once in a while? And you might be pissed off cause you think Saturday night is somehow better then Friday night, but it might be not even his choice, because this is when his buddies decide to meet. Of course it would be nice to be included, but then again, it is also nice to take breaks from each other to not get fed up too soon.
That being said, do not overdo it, of course. Don't hang there with his family all the time, so he would start thinkingbyou have no better optiins or that you are way too desperate.
when i was with my last ex his rents wanted to meet me, so i met them at Xmas 2014 n i met his step sister. they were very nice people. they would ask me to come along to lunches and to their house etc. his parents smoked and he smoked too n when it comes to smoking i had to put up with it.
when they smoked they would smoke outside and for as a non smoker i stood inside. his mum did take me & him out for dinner and a live show at crown which was nice. his mum was nice. his nanna wanted to meet me but i didn't meet her in the end.
his mum was like my secondary mum and she was sweet n would help me and she worked as a nurse, my ex would tell me what his rents were doing etc. i had his mum on FB apart from him, his mum would msg me n tell me about events n how my ex felt about me.
When i ended it with my ex he deleted me off FB and 1 month later his mum deleted me off FB even though she was nice lady.
Ah yes, something similar happened to me when I was 15. I thought back then that because his mom and his brother thought the world of me, he would do the same. Ha! Little did I choose to see that he had nothing to do with the loving, kind people his mom and brother were. He was the a**hole in that family.
Interestingly enough, his brother would have been more than thrilled to be with me had I been the least bit interested, and this d-bag knew it and thought he was all that because he had me fooled and could do as he pleased with me without caring at all.
Bad memories, and it sort of saddens me to acknowledge that it took many more similar experiences for me to wake up and smell the coffee. Had I learned my lesson after that, I'd probably be at a point in my life when I knew what a loving relationship is like and not here trying to learn from scratch at 30 years old.
We live and learn... Some of us very slowly, but I'm confident I won't make those mistakes again.