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Why Looking For Someone to Replace Him Never Works

2 Comments

Close up portrait two young men in shadow white background
Don’t put yourself through this all over again.

We think it will help. When our heart has been torn wide open and nothing short of him coming back will do, we do the absolute worst thing we could do; we try to find another him.

A replacement.

Someone just like him to melt away the pain. To prove we’re still worthy, still lovable. To make us feel better again.

It’s no wonder that when we first venture out again into the dating world that we’d hoped we’d left behind, we find either one of two things.

A hopelessness that he really was our last chance at love because there’s no one else out there like him.Continue Reading

Please Help Me Get Him Back

18 Comments

A woman looks at her phone wondering why he stopped texting.
He suddenly stopped texting or even responding to me!

I hear it all the time. Things started off so great - we had such chemistry, we clicked, I felt the spark! Then suddenly, everything changed...

One of our readers, City, is experiencing this right now. She confronted him about it, and now he's pulled away even more.

Here's what she wrote:

I met this guy a few months ago and we immediately clicked.

We had a connection (or so I thought ). We would talk till morning rise and we never wanted to be apart. He would  send me text messages just to let me know his thinking about me.

Every thing changed when he went home for holidays.Continue Reading

Which Path Should I Choose?

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A beautiful woman walks down a path, representing different choices in her relationships.
Please help me make the right decision!

What do you do when the ex who couldn't commit suddenly decides he wants you back - but you don't know if it's just because you've moved on with someone he knows, or because he actually wants you back? What would you do?

Well, that's what our beautiful reader, Jessica, wants to know. I'm featuring her email on the blog this week, and with all the experience this community has with exes who won't commit, I know she's come to the right place.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I have a point of crossroads and I would really appreciate your guidance.

Basically my ex boyfriend and I were in a committed relationship for about two years when he was offered a job in the US. Because of the visa laws it was a situation where we would either have to commit or try another option.

Instead of exploring the different options he froze and abandoned the relationship, treating me very disrespectfully, revealing a side that I didn't recognize and cheating on me multiple times. This was about six months ago.

He then went off to the US and then a lot sooner than I expected I actually began to see somebody else and move on which unfortunately happened to be an acquaintance of his.

So as things began to develop with the new guy I knew I needed to tell my ex to be fair to the situation as they had known each other and not to hurt him anymore than the news could already. Since he had been gone I'd heard from him occasionally and of late had a couple more emotional messages of missing me and regret which I closed down and asked for his respect in leaving me be.

But when I told him about my new situation he basically reacted in a way that I totally didn't expect.Continue Reading

Seriously? How Did I Get Here. . .

25 Comments

A brunette woman feeling lonely in her relationship sits looking at the ocean.
He's a great guy, but until I walk he won't ever truly show up.

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to call herself "Always Baby", or "AB" for short, has been in a long term on-and-off relationship with a guy who just can't seem to truly commit.

Here's her email:

I am 40. I met my boyfriend when I was 36.

We were together for a few years, split for 12 months, and got back together. We have now been back together for over a year.

My boyfriend told me on the first date he would never fall in love again, he would never marry again, and that was that. Maya Angelou says when people tell you who they are the first time, listen.

I should have.

Our chemistry was amazing..the date was planned around my loves (a play, dinner at the most romantic place)...the banter between us, sexual tension, instant connection--it was all there.

So I dated him.

The process of our relationship -- dating, to committed in regards to being his girlfriend took almost 7 months...and slowly, it hasn't grown much. We broke up when he took Chantix to quit smoking. It had horrible side effects on him including a withdrawal from life, passion, intimacy, his child who he has primary custody of, his personality -- he just became a depressed, dark man. I tried to stay with him. He eventually cut me out.

I thought about him every single day for that year that followed.Continue Reading

The Difference Between Your Fantasy and His Reality

20 Comments

A magical book is open on the table signifying an epic love story that we all want.
We all want the epic love story, but is it real?

We love a good story. Especially a good love story.

We want a love that conquers all. And a dream that, against all odds, still comes true.

We want the sparks. The fireworks.

We want an underdog to triumph. And what we perceive as good versus evil to win.

And more than anything else, we want the happy ending.

We’re not just talking about a story. We’re talking about our story.

Our lives. Continue Reading

But I Love Him

25 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a beach thinking about her absentee boyfriend, wondering why she loves him so much.
But that feeling is so strong!

What's to love?

What really is so loveable about him?

Is it the way he treats you?

Is it because he behaves so lovingly towards you?

Or is it instead, because of the feeling you have when you're with him?

In that short time span, it feels like you've found everything you've ever wanted in a guy. The way he makes you feel. The excitement he brings to your life, your world, just by being with him. But is it really about him at all, or simply the feeling that you get from being around him because of everything you believe to be true about love, but what in reality, isn't about love, but about trying to make someone love you?Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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