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Doing this ONE thing is going to make it EASIER on you!

7 Comments

A beautiful woman holds her hair up while looking at the ocean.
Can you see this?

The most tragic part of loving the wrong people for us - the ones who don't love us back or love us the way we love them - is that we take this wrong person and we stake our worth on them.

Until they love us, we're unlovable. Until they accept us, we're unacceptable.

We tie our worth to someone who has no special claim to determine our worthiness. In fact, we pick the very one who's incapable of loving anyone like us at all.

Can you see this?

It's never about a guy, never about winning someone's love. It is always about proving something about ourselves we feel we have to prove. That's a made up story someone put on us, not anything to do with real love.

Take this guy you're holding to this task that he's utterly incapable of and never signed up for in the first place. Let him be just an ordinary guy.

Give yourself back your worth, your lovability, your more than acceptable status. It was never about him, but always about what we needed him to be.

If you don't need him - or any man - to validate you like this, can you see how much easier this thing you've made "the great impossible search" becomes?

Seeing this? Type "yes" here in the comments below.

My fear of rejection is crippling me!

1 Comment

A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him.
I'm just plain scared.

Does the fear of rejection keep you from seeing what might be out there for you?

You're not alone.

Listen in as we hear from Ashley who shares her story and hear what I have to say to her that I'd tell you too!

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

My name is Ashley and I'm so happy I stumbled on your website. Thank you for doing what you do.

I'm learning my way through life and romantic relationships, and I think I could really use your advice. Particularly when it comes to fear of rejection.

I'm 27 years old and am navigating the dating world for the first time. I have had two serious boyfriends in my life, but both just happened naturally while I wasn't looking for a mate. Both times, I fell hard and fast for men who were ultimately very controlling and possessive.Continue Reading

Don't accept this!

39 Comments

A beautiful woman is holding her head in her hands wondering if her boyfriend who has commitment issues is just playing games or if he wants a committed relationship.
I feel like I wasn't good enough.

I'm speaking to every one of you today who's ever been left by some guy who was NEVER good enough for you.

Stop with the "I wasn't good enough", "He's thrown me away", and everything else we say.

No, you haven't been discarded, girl. Don't accept that as your verdict!

You were saved from being with someone who would NEVER have been the one for you unless you were someone else. So choose to either change to be that someone else - or embrace who you already are and accept that you can't make someone want to be with you who isn't looking for you!

This isn't a "prove your worth" game with all the wrong ones; it's a "find someone who's actually compatible with you because he's looking for someone just like you" reality.

Not a game, not a challenge, not a distraction from doing your own work. It's a beautiful life if you choose to stop looking at it in these old no-longer-serving-you ways!

Okay?

Love,

Jane

Tell me you got this message loud and clear in the comments, girl. I see you. I've felt your pain. And no, he still doesn't get to discard you. You were saved for something far better than him!

Don't take what someone told you is your story and make it come true!

18 Comments

A beautiful woman sids under a tree in autumn feeling sad and lonely.
Don't put this on yourself, Beautiful.

Instead of asking yourself what's wrong with you, or what you did or said wrong, or why you weren't good enough for him, there's something else you need to be asking instead. Who treats someone like this? Who withholds reassurance from someone vulnerable enough to ask for it?

What kind of guy does this?

You think it's you because that's what we're so programmed to believe - that it's because you said too much or the wrong thing at the wrong time. But why can't you communicate directly with someone you're getting to know, who's obviously giving you some indication he's interested or you wouldn't be here at all?

Ask yourself this; isn't there something wrong with a guy who responds to you by avoiding or ignoring you, instead of being honest with you? What does that say about him?

Don't put this on yourself, Beautiful. You're human.

No, you're not perfect. No, not everyone is going to be on the same page as you or want to be with you.Continue Reading

Tired of Never Being His Priority? So Is She

14 Comments

A beautiful woman is sitting on the couch upset because she wants to be married and have children and her boyfriend does not want marriage.
I feel like I'm just not a priority in his life.

Have you ever felt tired of not being a priority in his life? If so, you're not alone. Gorgeous Monica writes to me this week about her boyfriend who prioritizes much of his life higher than her.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I have been with my guy for 8 years on and off hot and cold. His main priorities have always been

#1 his daughter

#2 his job

I was always number 3

I feel so rejected by accepting that also very controlled.Continue Reading

Lucky

7 Comments

Woman upset at her crush with other girl on a sunny day
She's just lucky? Here's what really happened.

Don't tell me it can't happen for you.

She had every reason it shouldn't have happened for her, but it did.

Don't tell me it's not the same for you.

I've seen this too often. No, she didn't just get lucky. Sure, the right place and time happened. But you know why it happened?

Because she finally dumped the guy who wasn't the right one for her who she was settling for once more because she didn't want to admit she'd failed again.

Because she stopped pretending it was working when it wasn't, and she finally got up the nerve to do what she knew in her heart she had to do and started creating a life for herself doing what she actually WANTED to do instead of following what she was SUPPOSED to do.

And yes she had a horrible childhood and was divorced twice and had kids of her own and all kinds of other baggage.

But you know what? So did he. So do we all!

So when you say she just got lucky - the way you see it, so sure, let's go with that - you know when that happened?Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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