Getting to TRUE Love

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Can I Really Say We're In a Relationship?

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Woman lying on floor on a video call using laptop in a long distance relationship.
We video call each other often but is it really a relationship?

One of our beautiful readers, Kylie, has been dating a man virtually for over a year, but they haven't yet met in person. She's wondering if this qualifies as a real relationship.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I have been  dating this guy for more than a year now  and we are in a long distance relationship. 

We basically never met each other yet the entire time we are dating. Though we do video call each other most of the time and text and call everyday, I don't feel like we are a thing because we are far away from each other.

We have been through ups and downs and it wasn't easy for the both of us but I am amazed how we always tried our best to make things work despite the distance and the problems we encounter.

We had broken up three times but he always comes back to me and he was the one who ended the relationship in the first place.Continue Reading

What a Real Relationship Really Is

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We’re going to help you get your compass pointing towards a real relationship.

Just for a moment, I want you to forget about everything you think you know about what a real, healthy relationship feels like.

We’ve got a problem here, because we think we know, but the reality is, we don’t. We can’t. Not when we’ve been where we’ve been and gone through what we’ve gone through. Not when our relationship gauge is up when it’s supposed to be down.

If I’ve lost you here, stay with me for a minute and picture a compass.

It’s going to automatically point north because of the magnet in there.  Now imagine your relationship radar as a compass (you know where I’m going with this.) It’s pointing south (or east, or west), not north.

And it’s OK.  It’s not your fault.Continue Reading

Finding Real Love

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Beautiful happy couple in love enjoying embrace of each other and tenderly smiling
It's real love. The kind I always wanted but didn’t quite understand until now.

You’ve asked me what it looks like. You’ve asked me how it happens.

And as much as I try to give you words that I hope will resonate most with you, there is nothing that compares to hearing from someone who was just like you, asking me these same questions.

Someone who wanted nothing more than to know the "what" and the "how" as well.

You met her on the blog about a year and a half ago, when she wrote to me after a devastating breakup, questioning "Will I Ever Find Someone Else?" Now, I have a follow-up letter from her that she wrote to share with our community.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have been meaning to write you for some time now to update you on my journey.

I’m not sure if you would remember me, but I wrote to you about a year and a half ago, writing under the alias “Looking for Hope"...

I had just ended an engagement with an emotionally unavailable man; I felt so heart-broken from my past and scared for the future, but what I felt the most was confusion. I didn’t know how or why what had happened with my ex-fiancé happened, but deep down I knew there were answers to those questions.

It was your blog and coaching sessions that was the beginning of me peeling away to get to the root of that confusion.Continue Reading

Our Biggest Mistake

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A beautiful woman sits realizing she's made a huge mistake in her relationship, as her boyfriend walks away.
It's time to see the reality.

Like so many of us, I used to wonder what was so wrong with me.

My relationships all started out with such amazing potential, only to end in utter heartbreak. I couldn’t understand why it kept happening, why he always changed from what he was in the beginning.

I was convinced there must be something wrong with me!

What I eventually came to realize was that he didn’t change at all; it was that I had created an image of him that he simply couldn’t live up to.

Of course it wasn’t only him. No, the truth was that I knew nothing about being real either.Continue Reading

9 Years, 1 Dog, 1 House... No Ring

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A woman holds her dogs head close, showing affection.
Could this really be the end?

Our beautiful friend, who has signed herself "Confusing Journey", has been on quite the journey indeed. She's wondering if he'll ever propose, or if this should really be the end. Read on for her story...

Here's her letter:

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We met when we were 17 and 19.

We have had a great relationship, with some hiccups a long the way, him leaving, back together, me leaving... back together. The longest we ever separated for is 3 weeks though.

All of those issues occurred early in our relationship when we both were so young and we always worked through the issues. He is fun, but serious at the same time, a business major. His family says he has always been a 40 year old in a boy’s body. Lol.

He is confident and determined and is stable. I am outgoing and funny and care free. Kind of opposites, but I have seen his outgoing side and he has always been my rock.

Welllll, we were still not living together, but at our 7 year mark he decided that someone else had caught his attention and that he wanted to pursue this person.

He broke up with me and I was devastated to say the least, but in his defense he was completely up front and honest about it the whole time and 2 weeks went by of him in this limbo of does he want me, or does he want her.

Finally, I chose for him. I left for good.Continue Reading

But I Love Him

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A beautiful woman sits on a beach thinking about her absentee boyfriend, wondering why she loves him so much.
But that feeling is so strong!

What's to love?

What really is so loveable about him?

Is it the way he treats you?

Is it because he behaves so lovingly towards you?

Or is it instead, because of the feeling you have when you're with him?

In that short time span, it feels like you've found everything you've ever wanted in a guy. The way he makes you feel. The excitement he brings to your life, your world, just by being with him. But is it really about him at all, or simply the feeling that you get from being around him because of everything you believe to be true about love, but what in reality, isn't about love, but about trying to make someone love you?Continue Reading

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