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My Husband’s Long-Single, Classically Emotionally Unavailable Friend is Now Engaged!

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Picture of man putting wedding ring on woman hand signaling engagement.
What was it that finally made him commit?

“Ok,” I said, when we were finally alone. I had been waiting all afternoon for just the right time to ask him this question ever since I had heard the news.

“What is it about her? Why is she the one who won your heart?”

He was the one I was always curious about. He was the quintessential “emotionally unavailable man”.

He had it all. Good-looking, successful, all-around guys guy; he epitomized the strong, silent type so many of us have long tried to change.

He had a string of long term relationships in his history with women who had all been relationship material, vying to be the one who would finally win him over.

But no one ever did.Continue Reading

Should I Choose Commitment Over Chemistry?

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A beautiful woman looks at her phone feeling confused over whether she should choose commitment or chemistry.
I'm so confused! I don't know what to do...

Beautiful Melanie is feeling "dazed and confused" (her words) over whether she should choose commitment or chemistry.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

I have been following your program for several months now and read many of your stories. I have followed your advice about an ex-boyfriend (who moved and is now long distance.)

We tried to make things work for the last year as long distance, but he had an issue with being alone and also is going through a divorce for 3 years that is still not final. He has been unable to commit to anything at this point.

We were together for a year, then he had to move for work a year ago. He lives 3 hours away.Continue Reading

He Can’t Commit to You Until He Can Do This

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A mature couple on a date talking together in sofa
This is what he needs first.

We know how this works.

No matter how we come to it we’ve already got our answer.

I can’t become this confident, beautiful, radiant woman UNTIL he picks me.

I can’t prove I’m worthy UNTIL he validates me.

I can’t become that woman I know I’ve got the potential to become UNTIL he elevates me.

But this is where we’ve got it so backwards.

He can’t commit to something he can’t see. He can’t commit to something he doesn’t even know he’s attracted to himself. He can only commit to something he can see.Continue Reading

He Says I'm Too Emotional

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A very tired, stressed and fed up attractive woman. wondering if she's too emotional.
He says I have to change my overly emotional ways.

Beautiful Cassidy is dating a guy who tells her she's too emotional. She's reaching out for help to figure out if she should continue to see where her relationship is going, or if she's just wasting her time.

Here's her email:

I met this guy on a dating site back in early December of 2016.

We had sex shortly after meeting for the first time and I wasn't expecting to hear from him after.

Yet... I did.

We've talked everyday since the day we met. He's told me things like he has only pictured spending his life with one other female other than me (which at the time he said this, I felt, was too soon to know that) and talks about the future regularly.

He had to go back to his temporary home in another state shortly after we met but visits his home state (where I live)  every three-four months. I've asked him if he's seeing anyone else and he's certain he's only interested in me.Continue Reading

Living Together Without Commitment

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Couple in bed, woman with insomnia, wondering how long to wait for commitment.
How long should I live with him without more of a commitment?

The question this week comes from our beautiful friend, Michelle. She's been living with her long term boyfriend for quite a while now, but she's wondering how much time to give him to make more of a commitment.

Here's her story:

I've been dating a guy exclusively for 15 months. We both own a home but he has been living with me for 7 months. Since he has his own bills and mortgage he doesn't help me with anything, including groceries.

Is this normal?

We've both been married before, myself twice and him three times. We're trying not to make the same mistakes.

We are both very different from our previous spouses. Which has been great!

We love each other very much. There is no fear of anyone else or cheating.

I'm just wondering how long is reasonable to let him live with me with no commitment and no financial assistance.Continue Reading

Are You Asking for Too Much?

29 Comments

Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other
It’s not that you’re asking for too much, it’s who you’re asking it of.

It's a question I hear from so many of you: Am I asking for too much?

I need you to think about this one, because if we're ever going to stop taking this out on ourselves, we have to separate the two.

It’s not that you’re asking for too much. Oh you’re not!

For someone who’s on the same page as you, who’s ready for a real committed relationship and knows that’s exactly what he wants and nothing less, what you’re asking for is entirely reasonable and doesn’t need to be defended or explained to anyone!

But if we’re talking about someone who for all he may say he’s ready for a relationship but doesn’t show you with his real life actions that he actually is, then you're going to feel like you’re asking for too much for a very good reason.

And this reason is because there’s a disconnect between the two of you.Continue Reading

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