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Am I overreacting?

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Beautiful-woman-snow-contemplative
I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but I do feel hurt.

Our letter today comes from Angie, who's wondering if she's overreacting to hearing her newly widowed boyfriend isn't ready to include her in his family holiday plans. Here's what she wrote to me:

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I'm a 48 year old woman dating a 50 year old widow (his wife passed 2 years ago).  I have been dating him for 7 months.

I have only met his teen kids once (despite him being at my house a lot with my teen kids). He mentioned Christmas and that he won't see me as he will go to his parents house with his kids for both Christmas Eve/Christmas Day (which I am ok with).

He also said I won't see him on his birthday, December 28th as it's his birthday and he will spend it with his kids.  He will visit me early evening and stay over.

I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but I do feel hurt about his birthday - it feels as though he just wants to keep me away from his kids - but then turns up to spend the evening with me.  He is kind and loving to me and always call/texts etc.

Signed,

- AngieContinue Reading

Should I Wait or Move On?

6 Comments

Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Do you think he might come back for me?

It's only been a couple months, but Wynn is head over heels for her boyfriend who's just dropped some disappointing news on her. Now she's wondering if she should wait for him or move on.

Here's what she told me:

Hi Jane,

I have been dating my Marine boyfriend for a couple months now and I am totally head over heels for him.

I think he feels the same about me, but he had to move across country for school and he says that we can't be together because of the distance and because he will be too busy.

He cried so hard when he left that I don't think it's just an excuse.

Do you think he might come back for me when school is over or do you think I should just move on?Continue Reading

Are you calling this a flaw?

33 Comments

Beautiful woman looking into a mirror.
Let's change how you see yourself.

I've got something for you to do today.

I want you to find the worst thing about you, the part of you that you most wish you weren't, and turn it around.

What's the other positive side of it? What other purpose does it serve?

I used to hate how sensitive I was, I saw it as such a flaw. But when I could finally see the other side of it, the part that allowed me to feel another's pain, to sense when I was around people who were safe or unsafe, and to experience joy as deeply as I experience sadness, I came to accept and embrace that part of me as well.

There's something about accepting what we call a flaw and turning it around that makes us stronger, more confident, because we know more of who we are and why we're exactly the way we're meant to be.

What is that "flaw" - that's anything but a flaw - for you? Tell me in the comments, I want you to hear exactly what it is!

Love,

Jane

Fear ... and Hope

26 Comments

A beautiful woman covers her face with her hands because she is feeling afraid and lonely.
Yes, it can be scary, but know that it will pass.

Yes, it's scary.

Uncertainty. Fear. The Unknown.

There's been an overwhelming theme to all my calls with so many of you this week, and it's a reminder that we're all connected, feeling similar things regardless of where we find ourselves in this world of ours.

Thing have changed with the reality of Covid, the US elections that have brought up so many more feelings for all of us, and yet in the midst of all of what we're feeling and experiencing, life still must somehow go on.

But how?Continue Reading

The ONLY Way To Get Him Back

33 Comments

A beautiful woman with her face in her hands wonders what to do.
I'm just not sure what to do...

Some women are clear that when it ends, it’s over. They don't try to get him back and they actually don’t even want him back.

They see things clearly enough to understand the reasons why it ended and they recognize that unless he's changed in some pretty clear ways, getting him back isn’t a viable option – or at least not one that would be beneficial.

But then there’s the rest of us.

We're the ones who don’t want anyone else. We don’t even want to look anywhere else but right where he is. We’re not over him, we’re not seeing this as clearly as our friends, family, and coworkers are (they're too busy breathing great sighs of relief at the news).

We want him back!Continue Reading

The Man He Can't Be

9 Comments

Silhouette of a father and daughter who play outdoors at sunset background.
Our hearts long for what could have been, but our peace is found in what is.

Most of us know by now the role he played. The reasons behind why we chase. The explanation for why we choose the ones we do.

You’ve heard me speak about this significant father/daughter relationship, and from the perspective of Daddy’s Little Girl.

I’ve coached so many of you on how to understand and accept, but not stay there. To become aware, to break the cycle instead of repeating the patterns that have such a hold on us.

For a little girl who kept it all inside, who never, ever felt safe to be angry, I had plenty to be angry about when I finally allowed myself to feel that emotion for the first time in my life when I was safe with my own family, with a man who would love me not only in spite of, but because of every emotion I felt.

And angry I was.Continue Reading

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