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Things Were Going So Well - Then He Disappeared!

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Woman-looking-at-phone-wondering-why-he-suddenly-disappeared
Why is he completely ignoring me?

Our letter this week comes from one of our sweet readers, who has chosen to call herself "Confused and in Love (I'll just call her "Love"). Her boyfriend has suddenly stopped answering all calls, emails and texts - he's basically disappeared on her.

Her email:

Hi, I was hoping you could provide me some advice.

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 8 months. He's a great guy and always is considerate and thoughtful of me and my feelings.

The past 8 months have been fantastic, maybe some very minor bouts of miscommunication (less than what I could list on one hand) but other than that great.

He recently (less than a month ago) got a new job that he is very excited and nervous about (it’s his dream job and he wants to excel at it). Since getting this new job he’s been a bit stressed and less present in the relationship, he was still putting effort into the relationship but not as much as before.Continue Reading

What If All You Need Is Someone To Believe In You?

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What if it's right there in front of you?
What if it's right there in front of you?

What if you just need someone to believe in you?

All those plans, all those dreams.

They told you to find something you could actually do. They gave you all kinds of suggestions that sent the clear message they somehow knew you better than you.

They smiled to themselves, or even laughed.

But more than anything else, what they did was make you feel like there was something the matter with you.

Something wrong, something "off".Continue Reading

It Still Feels Like Such A Rejection

19 Comments

Beautiful blond woman feeling rejected after guy disappeared.
Why do I feel so bad, again?

Our beautiful friend from Scandinavia, Ariel, has been dealing with emotionally unavailable men, and just had another one disappear on her!

Here's her letter:

Hi Jane and greetings from Scandinavia!

(Sorry for my grammar and spelling since English is not my native language, but I hope you understand 🙂 )

I'm so frustrated with myself, I'm so confused and frankly afraid. Afraid with the situations I put myself into, and will put in future. That I'm in this circle that just won't stop.

Like you can guess I have had my share of emotionally unavailable men. I'm 36. The worst one ended 2 months ago (on/off, hot/cold thing lasted for one year) and really messed my head, I have been reading your blog for about one year, it has been so helpful, probably has kept me sane 😉

But to the issue I want to talk about.

I know I'm still in the early healing process from the last EUM, but I met this man, he's 42, who lives in the same town, so I kind of have known him for many years, but we haven't been friends or anything like that, I just know who he is by name, where he works etc, that's all.

He divorced 9 months ago, wife cheated... yes I know, red flag since not so much time has passed from the divorce. But I have some insights about he's situation since we have mutual friends.Continue Reading

He Says I'm Amazing But Doesn't Want to Be With Me

23 Comments

A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her.
Why aren't I enough for someone to make the effort?

Our sweet friend Kim tells us about a guy who she really connected with, who told her she's amazing, but then broke her heart.

Here's what she wrote:

Jane, I need some help!

I am 40 years old and still have not found the right man for me.

I get very frustrated and discouraged sometimes. I met a man in December who I thought had great potential. We met on match.com and had made plans to meet up.

Before that could happen, he texted me saying that the distance was too much. We live about an hour and a half apart.

For me, I was disappointed but since we hadn't even met I moved on. About three weeks later he reached out to me. He told me that he could not stop thinking about me and that he made a really big mistake. So I decided to give him a second chance because I really felt like we had a good connection.

We did meet up and we had a great time.

Minutes after our date he texted me telling me what a wonderful time he had and he was so glad that he got back in touch with me. We talked and texted all the time. We made plans to meet up again about a week later.

When he picked me up he had a dozen roses for me and we had a wonderful romantic date. He was talking about all the things that he wanted to do and he was so excited because Valentine's Day was only a few weeks away.

I admit I let my guard down.Continue Reading

But Does He Have This?

33 Comments

A woman in a white cotton dress is walking through tall grass.
This is one of the most important qualities he needs to have.

I hear you love him.

I hear you loud and clear when you talk about what he means to you, how great things are when the two of you are together, and how much you want to build a future with him.

But when you’re done with all the things you love about him, there’s something else that matters more than anything else.

How does he make you feel?Continue Reading

My Boyfriend Barely Ever Calls or Texts

102 Comments

A woman looks at her phone wondering why her boyfriend hasn't called.
Is it a bad sign he doesn't want to check in with me?

Our beautiful friend, Abby, is going crazy because her boyfriend almost never calls her or texts her, and she's wondering what it means.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane!

First of all, I ADORE your website. Thanks so much for all the incredible advice you give!

So, I would love to get your perspective on this...

I've been dating a man for 3 months now. We are exclusive, and he's absolutely crazy about me when we're together in person. He's super talkative, affectionate, and I know he cares about me.

But, when we aren't together, he barely talks to me.Continue Reading

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