Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
A wonderful friend of mine shared this video with me just now, and it brought tears to my eyes. I know a lot of you aren't on Facebook so I wanted to post it here on the site.
It's so true - all of these women are so beautiful.
And so are you.
Please pass this along to all of the gorgeous women in your life.
Happy New Year my beautiful friends!
As 2013 draws towards its close, like most of us, I’m doing some reflection on the past year.
There's always been something about the prospect of a having a clean slate and a fresh start that has always inspired me. Over the years I've made my share of New Year's resolutions, resolving to do this or that, or becoming more or less of something else.
But one of the things that's frequently forgotten in the anticipation of the glittering promise of the New Year is leaving the past year behind and letting go.
Letting go of what we want to do differently.
Letting go of what didn't work, what wasn't meant to be, of what we can’t change.
Letting go of regret.
Letting go of loss.
Letting go of so many things, depending on what we're talking about.
We can get so caught up in the getting to where we want to go part that we don't even realize all the baggage we're still carrying around with us.
Because it's only when we let go that we open ourselves up to all that's still to come.
It’s only when we let go that we allow ourselves to move forward instead of backward.
It’s only when we let go that we can see what’s been there all along, but we couldn't see before.
No matter how much we believe we have every right to keep hanging on, no matter how much we convince ourselves that it's serving us well to keep holding on, it doesn't.
It serves us nothing to keep holding on like this to whatever, or whoever, we're holding onto so tightly.
Yes, you may have every right to be angry, you may have every right to be devastated. But where does that get you? What does that do for you, my beautiful friend?
Whatever happened, whatever didn't happen, whatever should have happened according to you, what does holding onto that get you now?
That's right. Nowhere.
It only eats away at you, tears you apart, and leaves you with nothing.
Enough of the past. Enough of what didn't work. Enough of all the trying, the endless second-guessing, the crawling, the begging, the pleasing, the endless beating ourselves up, lamenting what we could have had if only we had done or said something different.
We can spin such a very powerful story around why we can't let go, why we have to keep hanging onto this, why we have to keep doing this to ourselves. But we don't.
It's detrimental to our beautiful selves.
When we hang on to what was, we miss out on what is.
When we hang on to what could have been, we can't see what can be.
When we hang on to our story, we miss the new story that's just waiting to be told.
We all have our stories.
What do you need to let go of? Let it go here and now.
I can't explain how it happens, but something changes when we finally let it go. Release it, let it go, and know that, in the long run, it doesn't really matter.
Later, when you look back on your life with the happy heart of your future self, you will see how small this was in the grand scheme of things. You'll see how even this was part of your journey, as much as you don't see it now.
Looking back at 2013, what do you need to let go of once and for all? Share it with us here in the comments as we support each other on this journey of letting go.
One of our beautiful readers, Jenny, is wondering if the Law of Attraction really works. Here are my thoughts - what are yours?
Hi Jane,
Doing such a good cause truly truly inspiring me 🙂 You are so beautiful, both in and out.
Reading about you, you mentioned studied in SFU before brought back lots of good memories for me. I lived in Vancouver before and studied in Columbia College almost two decades ago, you know Vancouver Canada is the most beautiful city I ever lived in my life. That ONE year was the best year in my entire life. I love Canada.
Jane, do you believe in applying Law of Attraction to attract the soul mate?
I feel hopeless in finding that one man and one satisfying relationship. I am 39 and still single. I am kind of like giving up. No worry, I am not depressed at all BUT just accepting the reality I am facing now. I do not wish to marry for the sake of marry due to "old age" as I saw too many unsatisfying marriages - this is depressing, tiring and demotivating ! I do not wish to be in that "unsatisfying group" one day.
Love,
Jenny
Dear Jenny,
Even though I'm living in the US now, I still love Canada, too, and eventually would love to live back in Vancouver with my family one day - if I can ever convince my husband!
I believe in a combination of things, Jenny. I believe that we attract people into our lives based on where we're at in our own lives and what we're both subconsciously and consciously putting out there.
But it's not just about sitting alone at home trying to attract someone by thinking and picturing and imagining them. It's about action as well. It's about living your life to its fullest, doing all those things you would be doing if you were with someone, emulating that type of confidence and conviction about who you are and what you have to offer.
It's about really getting in touch with the beautiful essence of you so that that essence is what you're putting out there so that someone who's looking for exactly that can see you and be drawn to you.
So yes, while I would picture what your life would be like with your ideal partner, I would feel what that would feel like more than a specific picture of what he looks like or acts like, because it's really that feeling of being in love - the way you feel - that being with someone is all about.
So I would then take that feeling and apply it to your life.
What makes you feel that way? Where would you go to feel like that? What things would you do? What activities, events, hobbies, etc. would you be involved in?
I've been working for a very long time on a video course that I'm finally launching early in the New Year, and I'll be speaking to all of this in much more detail there. But for now, I hope this gives you something more to go on - I truly believe there is someone for everyone - and I do believe there's an energy within us that attracts someone who's right for us when we're truly ready to receive that, when we come to love and accept who we are, and radiate that type of confidence that knows this and knows exactly what we want and just how deserving we are of receiving it.
There's no too late, or not enough within us - no reason to be hard on ourselves or expect anything more of ourselves than exactly where we're at - it's all a process and it's all a part of our own individual journeys, even if we can't understand why.
Don't ever doubt that there's still more to come for you, Jenny; you have so much to offer someone who's looking for exactly who you are!
Find out what more you want to do, where else you want to go, listen to those little nudgings inside yourself and see what shows up - and comes up within - for you!
Hope this helps and resonates on some level...
Love,
Jane
What do you think? Do you believe that the Law of Attraction really works? Do you have any other advice for our friend Jenny? Tell us about it in the comments!
This will be the thirteenth holiday season that my husband and I have been together, and you would think that after thirteen years of having someone to celebrate Christmas with, I would have forgotten all about how lonely this time of year used to be for me.
You'd think.
But the truth is that just about every Christmas song I hear triggers an emotional response in me that brings me right back to that old familiar feeling that I remember all too well.
Those feelings of hope, of a dream, of loneliness, of despair, of regrets and second guessing – all those feelings come back with the sound of a simple old familiar tune.
My married and attached friends seemed to have it all during this time of the year especially. There would be holiday parties for couples, kisses and hugs exchanged under mistletoe, children to open presents with, someone to snuggle up next to after a dinner party – the whole package that I longed to have for myself as well.
But when I look back on those holidays that I was alone vs. the holidays that I had someone to spend them with, I realize something really important. That it is so much better to be alone at Christmas than with someone who makes you feel even more lonely.
I remember that excitement I felt, in anticipation of the gift I had been hoping for. It was Christmas, that magical time of the year, so it seemed only fitting that I would get my hopes up that there might be a special gift for me, a ring, or some other symbolic gift that showed a commitment was coming.
The commitment that I wanted so badly.
The commitment that I had been waiting so patiently for.
Instead, I'll never forget my disappointment when one of the gifts I opened in hopeful anticipation was none other than a set of books on dream interpretation.
Yes, I had been having crazy dreams since dating this guy, a sign that a healthier version of myself would have recognized as a clear sign that something was definitely not right about this relationship. This was also from the same guy whose head somehow was cut off in every single picture taken that Christmas – another sign I probably should have noticed and heeded.
And then there was the year I felt for sure I had finally found the one, only to notice shortly before the holidays that he suddenly seemed more emotionally distant. When the romantic surprise his sister had told me he was planning for Christmas turned out instead to be an autographed shirt from my favorite sports team, I knew once again that my hopes of getting the commitment I wanted were not going to be realized.
There were so many other Christmases when I was so excited to have someone to spend the holidays with, only to get such beautiful gifts of fancy clothes, jewelry, perfume, chocolates and yes, even more books. Everything except what I was really looking for – the ring signifying the real committed relationship I was looking for.
If I had just been able to see clearly, without the longing and the expectations and dream of what could have been, but wasn't, I would have been able to see what I see so clearly now.
That if I could just have enjoyed each moment of the holidays with my family, with my friends, with the sweet children in my life with so much excitement and innocence in their eyes, and with the opportunities all around me to find so many meaningful ways to celebrate the holidays, it could have been so different.
Because when you're with the wrong person who just won't commit, when you're just with someone because you don't want to be alone at Christmas, when you're with someone hoping it becomes all that you want it to be only to find out that it's really not, that's a feeling of being alone that is so much worse than actually being alone.
Because if you're with someone, and you know in your heart of hearts it's not meant to be like this, it makes you question yourself, and wonder what's wrong with you!
But the truth is there's nothing wrong with you – you're just with someone who's not right for you! And that's why it feels so lonely, that's why spending the holidays with him isn't everything you so hoped it would be.
And that's why if you are actually single this Christmas, you can know for certain that it is far better to be alone, than to feel alone with someone.
Because when you're with the right person for you you'll know because you will never feel alone.
How are you feeling about your love life during the holidays this year? Tell us about it in the comments so we can all support each other!
One of our dear friends, Annie, is wondering why her guy has stopped texting every day, and she's wondering if she's being irrational. Read on for the rest of her story.
Dear Jane,
I stumbled across your website and I loved it! Thank you so much for giving such awesome advices. I actually followed to one of your advices to "confront" the guy and he told me that he really likes me and he wants to make it work so he's willing to try. But well now I'm a bit unsure of what's going on so I hope that maybe you could help me out? Anyway here goes my story...
I met him about 10 years ago in high school but we didn't really know each other that well.
According to him we talked a few times but I honestly didn't remember. I used to have this huge crush on him and we were both really shy so the thoughts of us becoming friends never really crossed my mind. He has this amazing smile that could brighten up the whole room and I remember thinking that he was so good looking.
My crush didn't really last long. After high school we didn't really keep in touch, I went to college that was only 30 mins away from home. He went into the army.
I was browsing on facebook one night and saw that he had posted his address in Afghanistan so I sent him a card just to support him. I thought nothing of it and I actually had forgotten about it.
About a year ago we started to talk on facebook more because I went back to school for nursing and he became an EMT and he wanted to go to school to become a paramedic.
We became somewhat friends because I would tell him about my experiences as a nursing student and as a nurse's aid on the floor. He would tell me stories about his job as an EMT.
I was complaining about my bad luck with dating and he keeps making these comments about how pretty I am and that he's having palpitations just thinking about me... But he never really asks me out. And he keeps saying how better guys will come along and I will find a good one some days...
I got somewhat irritate so I asked him that throughout our conversations I sense that he's interested in getting to know me. So I asked if I was sensing this correctly and he said "I guess I'm clear as mud". We decided that we will meet in real life for the 1st time in 8 years.
I didn't realize that we both got invited to one of our mutual friends' housewarming party a day before our meeting. So we ended up meeting before our scheduled time.
I honestly didn't expect to like him more than a friend in that initial meeting. It was such a weird feeling you know?
We decided that we're taking it slow because we both are in school and life's just really hectic right now. I don't mind going slow, I actually prefer going slow because I made so many mistakes because I was rushing before that this feels fine. This was about 5 weeks ago that we started seeing each other... He usually either text or fb message me everyday.
Last week all of a sudden he didn't text or message me for 4 days. I was trying to be patient with him but really we all know that we can't be separate from our phones and how long does it really take to just send someone a message? I had not heard from him since fri so on Tues I texted him asking if he was still interested in getting to know me and he said he was. He's just busy and can't really invest the time but he's willing to try to make it work.
So I asked him to text me once a day. It doesn't have to be a lot but just a text everyday.
He's been doing that until today (so it lasted 5 days). I fb messaged him this morning and then I texted him again tonight asking how he's doing (he has a bad cold that lasted for several days) but he didn't reply to both. I know he's online on fb but he didn't read my message.
It makes me question his actions and his words... I know it's only a day but it's not hard to reply back to somebody especially when they care about you right? I mean I haven't initiated any texts since last Tues because I think if he wants to make it work he would message me.
I tried to reply him when I can, I'm busy with school and work too... So here's what i'm thinking of doing... I know that's he's busy but if he is interested in getting to know me he would have text. I'm planning to give him 2 weeks and if he hasn't communicate with me by then I will just forget about him.
I already gave him a chance, and I don't think I can be any clearer with my "demand", right? I know it's only a day and I'm already freaking out... But I'm not sure of what's going on and I'm confused...
I'm sorry if I'm being too wordy, I just want to tell you the whole story so that you know what's going on. What's your take on this?
Is my solution sounds reasonable or am I being irrational?
Thanks Jane!
Dear Annie,
Thanks for your kind words; I'm glad you've found my website and this is all resonating with you!
I don't ever believe anyone is too busy to contact you in a two-week time period if they're truly interested in getting to know you better, so you'll know more in that space and time.
You're not being irrational; you're doing what you need to do for your own peace of mind! If the two of you are both on the same page and want the same thing with each other (read: if you're truly compatible) then this won't be so complicated and you won't have to ask him to contact you.
It's hard to say what's going on with him, but he may just want to take things slow, in which case, if you decide you still want to get to know him better, you can focus on your own life and treat him as simply someone in the background who you really don't even know well enough to know if he's even worth getting to know.
It's often so hard for us to do this in reality, though, so if forgetting about him completely is easier than taking this other stance, then listen to your gut instincts and decide for yourself what you want to do.
Most of all, remember that there are no right or wrongs here, no rules, my beautiful friend.
If someone wants to be with you, they will always find a way to do just that. But it's in the space that you give them that you find out more about where they stand by what they do with that space. You're always the one in control of your own life, Annie. If this isn't working for you, it's always your decision to choose where you want to go from here.
Hope this helps with an outside perspective, Annie. Remember that you don't have to decide anything if you're still "freaking out". Wait until your sense of peace and calm comes in and move towards whatever that looks like; that's what this is all about.
You.
Your sense of being at peace with yourself and your decisions. And doing whatever it is you need to do to live with the least amount of regrets. You can always change your mind or choose something different.
Let me know if there's anything more I can offer you, I'm always here for you!
Love,
Jane
What do you think? Is it irrational for Annie to expect him to contact her every day? Tell us your thoughts in the comments!
Why is it that we keep finding ourselves with people who don't love us like we deserve to be loved?
It doesn't matter whether we're talking about our friendships, our acquaintances with co-workers or our romantic love relationships, the point is the same. We're often drawn to people who aren't good for us.
There are so many reasons. Whether it's because of our backgrounds, our internal programming, our belief systems, the way we view ourselves or the false belief that we have to do something to be loved, we keep finding ourselves in that same place we think is the best we can do.
It's so subconscious, most of the time we don't even realize it. In fact, even when we have that twinge of something not feeling quite right deep within us, that feeling of unease or anxiousness that we can't quite put a finger on, we still choose to stay where we are, believing that everything will work out if we just give it some more time.Continue Reading
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