One of our dear friends, Annie, is wondering why her guy has stopped texting every day, and she's wondering if she's being irrational. Read on for the rest of her story.
I stumbled across your website and I loved it! Thank you so much for giving such awesome advices. I actually followed to one of your advices to "confront" the guy and he told me that he really likes me and he wants to make it work so he's willing to try. But well now I'm a bit unsure of what's going on so I hope that maybe you could help me out? Anyway here goes my story...
I met him about 10 years ago in high school but we didn't really know each other that well.
According to him we talked a few times but I honestly didn't remember. I used to have this huge crush on him and we were both really shy so the thoughts of us becoming friends never really crossed my mind. He has this amazing smile that could brighten up the whole room and I remember thinking that he was so good looking.
My crush didn't really last long. After high school we didn't really keep in touch, I went to college that was only 30 mins away from home. He went into the army.
I was browsing on facebook one night and saw that he had posted his address in Afghanistan so I sent him a card just to support him. I thought nothing of it and I actually had forgotten about it.
About a year ago we started to talk on facebook more because I went back to school for nursing and he became an EMT and he wanted to go to school to become a paramedic.
We became somewhat friends because I would tell him about my experiences as a nursing student and as a nurse's aid on the floor. He would tell me stories about his job as an EMT.
I was complaining about my bad luck with dating and he keeps making these comments about how pretty I am and that he's having palpitations just thinking about me... But he never really asks me out. And he keeps saying how better guys will come along and I will find a good one some days...
I got somewhat irritate so I asked him that throughout our conversations I sense that he's interested in getting to know me. So I asked if I was sensing this correctly and he said "I guess I'm clear as mud". We decided that we will meet in real life for the 1st time in 8 years.
I didn't realize that we both got invited to one of our mutual friends' housewarming party a day before our meeting. So we ended up meeting before our scheduled time.
I honestly didn't expect to like him more than a friend in that initial meeting. It was such a weird feeling you know?
We decided that we're taking it slow because we both are in school and life's just really hectic right now. I don't mind going slow, I actually prefer going slow because I made so many mistakes because I was rushing before that this feels fine. This was about 5 weeks ago that we started seeing each other... He usually either text or fb message me everyday.
Last week all of a sudden he didn't text or message me for 4 days. I was trying to be patient with him but really we all know that we can't be separate from our phones and how long does it really take to just send someone a message? I had not heard from him since fri so on Tues I texted him asking if he was still interested in getting to know me and he said he was. He's just busy and can't really invest the time but he's willing to try to make it work.
So I asked him to text me once a day. It doesn't have to be a lot but just a text everyday.
He's been doing that until today (so it lasted 5 days). I fb messaged him this morning and then I texted him again tonight asking how he's doing (he has a bad cold that lasted for several days) but he didn't reply to both. I know he's online on fb but he didn't read my message.
It makes me question his actions and his words... I know it's only a day but it's not hard to reply back to somebody especially when they care about you right? I mean I haven't initiated any texts since last Tues because I think if he wants to make it work he would message me.
I tried to reply him when I can, I'm busy with school and work too... So here's what i'm thinking of doing... I know that's he's busy but if he is interested in getting to know me he would have text. I'm planning to give him 2 weeks and if he hasn't communicate with me by then I will just forget about him.
I already gave him a chance, and I don't think I can be any clearer with my "demand", right? I know it's only a day and I'm already freaking out... But I'm not sure of what's going on and I'm confused...
I'm sorry if I'm being too wordy, I just want to tell you the whole story so that you know what's going on. What's your take on this?
Is my solution sounds reasonable or am I being irrational?
Thanks for your kind words; I'm glad you've found my website and this is all resonating with you!
I don't ever believe anyone is too busy to contact you in a two-week time period if they're truly interested in getting to know you better, so you'll know more in that space and time.
You're not being irrational; you're doing what you need to do for your own peace of mind! If the two of you are both on the same page and want the same thing with each other (read: if you're truly compatible) then this won't be so complicated and you won't have to ask him to contact you.
It's hard to say what's going on with him, but he may just want to take things slow, in which case, if you decide you still want to get to know him better, you can focus on your own life and treat him as simply someone in the background who you really don't even know well enough to know if he's even worth getting to know.
It's often so hard for us to do this in reality, though, so if forgetting about him completely is easier than taking this other stance, then listen to your gut instincts and decide for yourself what you want to do.
Most of all, remember that there are no right or wrongs here, no rules, my beautiful friend.
If someone wants to be with you, they will always find a way to do just that. But it's in the space that you give them that you find out more about where they stand by what they do with that space. You're always the one in control of your own life, Annie. If this isn't working for you, it's always your decision to choose where you want to go from here.
Hope this helps with an outside perspective, Annie. Remember that you don't have to decide anything if you're still "freaking out". Wait until your sense of peace and calm comes in and move towards whatever that looks like; that's what this is all about.
Your sense of being at peace with yourself and your decisions. And doing whatever it is you need to do to live with the least amount of regrets. You can always change your mind or choose something different.
Let me know if there's anything more I can offer you, I'm always here for you!
What do you think? Is it irrational for Annie to expect him to contact her every day? Tell us your thoughts in the comments!