Do you really know the REAL YOU?
If someone asked you to describe the real you, would you even know what to tell them? About who you really are? What you’re really capable of?
Do you have any idea how amazing, how unique, how special, how incredible you really are?
I didn’t think so.
Because most of the time, we’re thinking the opposite. That we’re so lacking. If we could just be more like so and so. If we were thinner, sexier, prettier, funnier, smarter… whatever.
You get the picture.
We think the reason we haven’t found love, why we’re still single, is because there’s something wrong with us. And we really believe there is. When we think like that, we find that we’re not surprised we haven’t found someone.
Because we don’t believe in ourselves. We don’t believe we have worth. We don’t believe we deserve anything better than what we’re currently settling for.
And so it goes; over and over again that cycle gets repeated. Without even realizing that’s what’s going on, because most of it is subconscious.
Part of our belief system. Just the way we are. Ingrained.
Until one day, something happens to wake us up. Maybe it’s one more devastating break up. Maybe it’s some “aha” moment where we finally get it. Or maybe it’s something the universe sends us so that we catch a rare glimpse of our true potential.
If we’re paying attention, we may get that message and finally find ourselves, or at least a part of ourselves we didn’t know before. And that’s when we begin to see who we really are.
This happened to me, when I’d finally had enough.
It was when yet another relationship that had shown so much promise came to a crashing end, and, as usual, I did too. Except this time, something different happened.
Sure, I was still the devastated, depressed, heartbroken person I always was when after a relationship that had shown so much promise didn’t quite pan out the way I’d so hoped it would. But this time I did something completely uncharacteristic of me.
I found a part of myself I hadn’t ever met before.
Someone I didn’t even recognize. Doing something I never thought I could do. I had found strength.
I ran. I sweated. Lots. Lots and lots of sweat. Pouring down my face.
I had always been told I wasn’t a runner. My sister was, but not me. I was too fragile, too petite, too feminine. Or at least that’s how I’d been brought up, how I’d been programmed.
Those were my internal beliefs that I didn’t even realize I held. Until then. When a new friend found me, someone who’d been down this same path before with her own share of heartbreak.
She helped me out of my own devastating heartbreak by commiserating with me, and teaching me to run.
Like the wind. In the wind. And in the rain.
So there I was. Running in the rain. Lots of rain. And I mean lots. I was living in Vancouver, B.C. at the time, so if you wanted to run outside, you’d often be doing it in the rain.
Sweat poured down my face and body. Rain poured down my face and body.
And you know what? I found out it wasn’t really all that tough.
With every step I ran, then every block I ran, then every mile I ran, I healed. And got healthy. And got stronger.
And more resolved. To wake up to myself. To feel my strength. To believe in myself. To stop doing this to myself anymore. To start respecting myself.
To start believing in my worth. As an individual, not as a part of a relationship.
The more I ran, the stronger I got.
I suddenly found myself liking who I was, and realizing what I was capable of. I didn’t quite know who this new person was, but I felt like she could do anything.
Not just the things she was supposed to do, was told she could do, was programmed to do. She did the things nobody thought she’d be able to do, including me. I started to genuinely like her, this person I hadn’t even known before.
Of course, the type of change we’re talking about here doesn’t happen overnight like so many books and relationship experts would like you to think happens.
It just doesn't.
At least not real change. It takes some of us a really, really long time to fully awaken, and even then, it’s a slow journey. It took me several months to get my physical strength up, and even longer to get my emotional strength up.
And, of course, the healing is an ongoing process, a journey.
But know this: As long as it takes, it doesn’t matter. Really doesn’t matter.
You’re not missing out on your guy. Because here’s the beauty of all this; as long as it’s taking you to get there, to go through this process, it’s taking you to the right place. Because at the right time you’re both going to come alongside each other and everything’s going to match up.
But not yet. Because if you’re not ready, he’s not ready either.
If he were ready now, you wouldn’t be, so he wouldn’t be your guy and you wouldn’t be his girl. It doesn’t work that way. When you’re ready, he will be too. And his journey won’t look anything like yours. It’ll be his. So you don’t even have to think about his.
Just focus on you, because that’s the point. Get yourself ready.
And run, climb mountains, dance. Or whatever it is for you.
Whatever it is you don’t think you can do or have been told you can’t do. Especially what you’ve been told you can’t do.
Because you can.
And it’s in finding that out; in breaking through the barriers of who you’ve been told you are and what you’ve been told you can do that you’re going to get to the other side where you can wake up and finally catch a glimpse of who you really are.
You’re not who they think you are and you’re probably not even who you think you are at this point.
You’re so much more than that.
But you’ll never know until you start.
So run. Sweat. Get wet, muddy, whatever it takes. And do it as long as you can feel it.
Because that’s the only way to find yourself. Push past those limiting stereotypes of yourself and find out who you really are.
It’s the only way to truly believe in all that you are and all that you deserve!
How about you, beautiful? What are you going to do that, right now, you're not sure you can do? Share your story with us below in the comments!
I must say your reply truly touched me. It actually made me cry not because I felt hopeless but because I felt that I'm going to the right direction and one day I will meet him.
I did go on my holiday and I had such a wonderful time. I feel like now the world is truly my oyster, I can go to places when I want and can and enjoy every place there is to be explored. I also finally made one of my long term dreams come true, I went diving!
I truly find your blog so inspirational and it has helped me to take things at ease more. I am now learning of letting go and relaxing. Just appreciating every opportunity, every counter in life.
Thank you so much!
Oh Annie, your update brought me such pure joy! Thanks so much for letting me know how it went. 🙂
I'm thrilled that you had such a wonderful time on this holiday by yourself and discovered that same feeling that came to me so long ago, Annie. I'm so glad you're finding all this out for yourself. Know that there will be good days and bad days, and emotional highs and lows as whenever we discover a new way of seeing, it takes awhile before we become confident enough to shut out the doubts and only accept what we know deep in our hearts to be true. But know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, this feeling you've experienced, this way of living that you can do anything and the world truly is your oyster if you only believe it to be, is absolutely true!
PS And I'm so excited for you that you made one of your dreams - of diving - come true! 🙂
I've been single for 6 years and I'm about to turn 34. My dream has always been to have a loving man and a child one at least (I have a medical condition so don't know if I can even have children). Anyways I'm currently going through another period of exhausting frustration. I feel that since I turned 30 I have firstly been going through my 30's crisis then self discovery and learning. I have slowly learned to love myself and enjoy my life in a different way I ever did before. Something also happened to me beginning of this year. After another failed short relationship I decided I'm not going to cry over any man anymore. I am not going to get depressed and jump of a bridge just because the person turns out to be someone I thought he is not. I am not because I have my own life and I love it and also because I know the next person will soon come along.
But I'm now again frustrated. I'm fine in terms of I'm not depressed and I'm ready meet the next person that comes along but why does it take soooooo long time to meet a person that is really interested in ME. What about my dreams of having a loving man and a baby? I do realise that I can still get married even in a retirement home but my dream is to have a child and but the years go by sooo quickly. I think this is my biggest dilemma and my biggest fear that I ran out of time.
I also question sometimes how ready I need to become when I have learned to love myself, learned to be happy on my own and still he keeps avoiding me. So I just try to do more for myself. My next big personal step in my life now is to go on a holiday on my own. I have never really had the guts before so I'm finally doing it. I love travelling and exploring places so why should I stop doing it just because that man is not in my life or my friends cannot make it this time. I also already travel a lot on my own for my work so is it much different at the end of the day. Well I'm super excited about this and proud of myself of doing it.
One day I do hope to find the man suitable for me but I don't know how to change my attitude of getting frustrated about waiting. I can only relax and thus I've decided to just go with the flow, not thinking about anyting particular of any man I meet that comes into my life whether randomly or for longer.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the great tips.
P.S. I have done my list
That's great you've made your list, Annie; that's the first step to figuring out all those things you actually want to do and then the next is to start doing them. It's an ongoing life in progress, so to speak. I think you will find that going on a holiday on your own will really stretch you and help you to see just how connected you really can be even though you are going alone. I have never met so many people - both men and women - as I did when I went out by myself with the attitude that the world was my oyster, even if I didn't always feel that way inside. It helped to pretend I was meeting a friend, so that I never felt that alone, and I did find that I usually met some kind of new friends in doing this.
So much of what you say resonates with me, Annie. I remember being so sad to think that I might be single forever, or certainly beyond when it would be possible to have children of my own. I, too, struggled with just how healthy and confident I needed to be before I would be ready for the right person and with the feeling that my deep feelings of discouragement and lack of real hope - that I couldn't quite shake - might be getting in the way of my meeting my soulmate. What helped to free me was to realize that I was being so hard on myself and expecting perfection instead of loving myself and accepting where I was at. It really helped to see that the point of all this not to be more judgmental of myself but to love the person I was becoming, complete with my all the one step forward, two step back pattern of growth. I also started being realistic with myself, and recognizing that I needed to be more open to looking past my type, that clearly wasn't working. Part of that reality check was to accept that if I didn't meet someone while I could still have children, I could always adopt or find other creative ways to have children in my life, such as becoming a big sister. Just addressing my fears and thinking through them helped me to feel better about my future. And considering other types of men then I was usually attracted to (but never worked out!), helped me to see just how many single men there still were out there, especially when I was wondering how someone was ever going to find and fall for me after what I had been through.
It sounds to me, though, that you are getting what I'm saying here, and by choosing to go with the flow, and not fight all of this so much, and go easy on yourself, you will find this all getting a little easier as you stretch and grow and find your way through. You're not alone, Annie, and although I can't tell you where or how you'll meet him, if you keep an open mind and keep focusing on living your life and being gentle with yourself and your journey, you will find that your paths will cross when the timing is right for both of you - and neither of you have to be perfect for that to happen! In the meantime, enjoy everything you can about living the single life; the next stage will come soon enough. This is the time when the world truly is your oyster, when you don't have the responsibilities of a family to be concerned with yet, when you can focus on pursuing your dreams, and finding out who you really are while being open to meeting anyone and everyone that comes your way. You never know what connections lead to that special connection, or how your life will be enriched by those meetings with inspirational people along the way!
You deserve nothing less that your heart's desire, Annie, and as hard as it is to wait, if you think of it as time to live instead of a time to wait, that shift in perspective can make all the difference in how you see yourself, your life, and your future, my beautiful friend!