...I wouldn’t think that finding him (and keeping him) was about using some magic formula, or playing games or uncovering some secret.
I would know that it’s about being real, honest, and authentic; without the games, the acting, the manipulating and the pretending.
I've officially read enough books and articles about the search for Mr. Right to understand why we’re all confused. Really confused. And not connecting. And scared. And trying. And still not connecting. And essentially not coming any closer to finding Mr. Right than we were before we started having access to all the secrets out there to finding him. Because as much as we read about the formulas, the secrets, the rules, the magical steps - whatever we want to call them - the reality is that if we’re not following our own hearts and being honest and real and authentic, with a script that’s from our own hearts and not from something someone’s given us to use, we’re not going to find what we’re looking for.
Do you get that? It’s not about any of that stuff, it’s about you and him and who you are and who he is, without any pretending, without any acting, without any trying to please and be everything that he might want us to be even if he doesn’t want us to be anything than what we are. But we can be so programmed to be all that, to think that we have to be something other than our very real selves because we don’t believe that we’re enough just as we are.
We pick these guys who subconsciously remind us of someone in our lives like our father, or mother, or someone else we haven’t let go of yet, and then we wonder why we end up playing a role, following some script or trying out our best selves on someone who then isn’t sure who we are either. And then come the games, as we try to figure out if he really loves us, or not, and then we test him to see if he’s as into us as we are into him, putting up with more than we planned on because he’s playing games, too. And then we’re playing hard to get because we’re told we need to do this to keep him interested. And then when he doesn’t respond to the chase, instead of coming straight out and asking him what’s going on, telling him how we feel and what we’re looking for to see if we’re even on the same page, we play more games, we try out even more of our best selves on him to see if we can get a more desirable response.
In a real relationship, it’s, well, real. People communicate honestly with each other. They enjoy each other’s company. They’re their best selves but it’s their real selves. They’re not pretending to be something they’re not just so the other person will like them. They’re not trying to get the other person to change or thinking that the person is something other than what they see in front of them right now. They believe the other person when they say they’re not interested in a committed relationship right now. And if that’s not what the other person is looking for – a committed relationship right now - then they move on, knowing that they’re mission here is not about changing another person but about finding out if this person is compatible with them. And that’s the point.
That’s what being in a real relationship is all about.