We've all heard the advice at one time or another:
Play hard to get and he'll come around and finally make a commitment.
Back when I was single, I heard it too - a lot.
And while it made sense on one level – if he has to chase you he'll be more likely to want to – on another level, it seemed so fake, dishonest, even manipulative. It just felt like a misrepresentation of the real, authentic person I was working on becoming, both with myself and everyone else.
But since this advice is still among the most popular advice given in one form or another, I wanted to address it here.
What I've come to realize is that while playing hard to get is the last thing you should do if you are looking for a real, authentic, honest relationship (which we know you are), being hard to get is a whole other thing.
And that's exactly what you do want to be.
Genuinely. Honestly. Authentically. Irresistibly. Hard to get.
Because if you can just see yourself the way you really are, with all that you have to offer someone who is truly deserving of you, there would be no question that you aren't going to drop everything and suddenly become available to just any guy who happens to look good in a tight t-shirt.
Be Hard To Get
You know that you have every right to be picky about the right things, every right to make sure he measures up to your high standards before you even consider making a commitment to him.
You have every right to keep living your own life – keeping your options open – until he gives you a clear rock-solid reason to do otherwise.
You know that you deserve to be called with enough advance notice that shows you're more than just an afterthought when he's got nothing better to do. You continue to make your own plans and keep them even if it means saying "no" to him if he called too late.
You know that if he doesn't call (or text, email, etc.), it's not anything to blame yourself for. It just means it wasn't meant to be right now and he isn't the guy for you at this point in time.
You don't beat yourself up about it, because you know it's his loss.
You know that your happiness doesn't depend on him choosing you. You have already chosen yourself.
You know that your worth doesn't depend on him choosing you. You already know you have worth just because you're you!
You know that you have nothing to prove, nothing to lose, and nothing to live up to. This is simply about getting to know someone better to see if you are compatible, enjoy being with each other, share the same values and are looking for similar things in life.
You know that it takes two people on the same page who want the same thing to make a relationship work, and you would never blame yourself or take more than your share of responsibility for the relationship if it didn't work out the way you wanted it to.
You Are Priceless
Because you, my beautiful friend, deserve nothing less than someone who genuinely wants to get to know you better and treats you like the confident, beautiful, priceless woman that you truly are.
This isn't about making someone love you.
This isn't about being the perfect girlfriend or perfect potential wife, or whatever else you see yourself as being to this man that hasn't given you any reason to commit to him any more than he's committing to you.
This is about two people getting to know each other better on this adventure we call life. That's it.
You truly are all that...and yes, you are hard to get!