I hear the same thing from so many of you, and it's the same thing that I used to say myself not so very long ago.
I hear you saying that you want a guy to make a commitment to you. You want a guy to want to have a committed relationship with you. You're wondering if you'll ever find a guy who really wants a commitment.
It might be that you've started dating a guy and you want to know if he's going to want a committed relationship or if he's going to turn into a stringer (i.e. a guy who strings you along for years only to finally break it off), or maybe you've already been strung along for quite a long time and you want to know how to get him to finally make a commitment.
Or it might be that you're single, and you want to know how to find a man that IS ready for commitment, because all of the men you've met so far have turned out to be commitment phobes.
For all of these reasons, and many more, it's one of the biggest questions on our minds.
A committed relationship
My question to you is this: What does a committed relationship look like to you?
What does commitment really mean? Have you ever really sat down and thought about what it is, exactly, that you're looking for when you say you want a committed relationship? When you think that you want a guy to commit?
Most of us haven't.
The truth is it's such a difficult term to define, particularly in our modern culture of texting, "hanging out", and hooking up, not to mention the prevalence of living together before marriage.
In the past (i.e. in your grandmother's day) things were a bit more cut and dry – a commitment meant an engagement to be married, along with a ring on the left hand and a date set for the wedding. Many women would not even consider a partner to be exclusive unless they were officially engaged. Until that point, they were just "courting" and she (as well as he) could date/court as many others as they chose.
Today things are much different. We now have phrases like "friends with benefits" to make sure we are hyper-aware that times are different.
Here are a few definitions of committed relationship that I've heard when I ask what it means:
Being exclusive
You and your partner are exclusive, meaning neither one of you are dating anyone else. This term can apply regardless of whether or not you are already physically intimate or not.
While this is certainly a big part of a committed relationship (and is really the beginning stage of a long term committed relationship) I prefer to simply call this "being exclusive" rather than "committed".
Commitment means so much more than just being exclusive. Being exclusive just means that neither of you are going to date other people, but that can end so quickly, particularly if either one of you hasn't taken down your Match.com (or, ahem, your Tinder) profile.
In order for this to really be the first stage of a committed relationship it must mean that both you and your partner are closed to other options – either online or in the physical world.
But what about "hanging out" with an ex, or a friend of the opposite sex (particularly one that's very attractive)?
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Being faithful
This, to me, is the same thing as being exclusive. It just means that you won't "accidentally" date/kiss/sleep with anyone else (Oops!).
Being dedicated
This is where you're both 100 percent dedicated to making the relationship work. It means that you're putting energy into making it work, no matter what happens, and you're both motivated to stay together for the long haul.
This is typically the second stage of a committed relationship, where some of the magic has started to fade and you both start noticing each other's faults (and those faults of his have suddenly gotten so annoying). It's where you start to realize that you do, in fact, disagree on some things.
This is where a lot of those so-called committed relationships (that were really just an agreement of temporary exclusivity) break down and fall apart. This is where it starts to require some compromise. This is also where true commitment starts, because it means that you're both willing to work things out instead of just breaking up at the first sign of anything that doesn't resemble the fairy tale.
Engaged
This is again a deeper stage of commitment, as long as it follows the "dedication" stage. If you've gotten engaged after a 2 week whirlwind romance in the Bahamas then it probably doesn't mean anything.
Engagements can, of course, still be broken off, so it's not a guarantee that you're in a long term committed relationship, however it's still pretty much the best sign you have that things are heading that way.
Again, it depends on the dedication that's present – some people get engaged but then never set a date or make any wedding plans – before you know it you've been engaged for three years and you're not any closer to saying "I do". I think at this stage that his actions are what's important – the more he's actively participating in the planning of the wedding the more committed he is to the relationship.
Marriage
As I said earlier, many people feel like it's not really a committed relationship until you've both exchanged vows and said "I do". While in most cultures divorce is an option, it's not easy physically, emotionally or financially, making it a further deepening of the commitment.
On the other hand, maybe you don't feel like you need to be married to feel committed. Some couples have had long committed relationships without ever being married (think: Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel or Oprah Winfrey and Steadman Graham).
Even if you do get married, is that a guarantee of complete commitment? I don't think so – being married and having the ring on your left hand is only a symbol of the commitment – the true commitment is in the day to day living of your lives together where almost everything you do affects each other.
Married and dedicated
This is where you are not only married, but you are 100 percent devoted to making the marriage work (i.e. divorce is out of the question). This is a strengthening of the dedication in the relationship that was hopefully already present in the earlier stage.
But within each of these definitions lie other, deeper, more subtle sub-definitions. This is where it really gets tricky.
Like:
Being a part of each other's lives. For example, if he spends a holiday with your family, is it OK if he just shows up, but spends the day on the couch watching the football game? Or do you want him to spend that time getting to know your family and getting involved in any issues or discussions that involve their lives?
Where does independence fall in? Are you the type of woman who likes her own independence, likes to be able to have a "girls' weekend" or at least a girls' night out now and then? Do you like to go out to lunch or for coffee with your own friends once a week? What about friends of the opposite sex? Is it OK for you to go hang out with an ex (or for him to hang out with an ex)?
Does it involve complete honesty? Is it OK to have secrets? Will he mind if you pick up his phone and look through his contacts or listen to his voice mails? How about his email?
My husband and I have a very transparent relationship – he doesn't care if I go through his phone contacts, voice mails or emails, and I don't care if he goes through mine. He has my passwords and I have his – only because we keep them in the same place. This kind of transparency builds trust.
Is it about your lives being completely intertwined?
For example, does it mean that you share all bank accounts, or do you and he have separate accounts?
Some of these may be in the future – as I said earlier there are several different stages of commitment, but it's important to know what you want in not only in the current stage but also in the next stage so that you're not surprised when you get there.
You might be on the same page as he is in the beginning, but once you have two kids and a big mortgage is not the time to find out that your ideas of commitment are very different from each other.
Commitment
Here's what I believe: Commitment is what you and your significant other have mutually decided it is.
And more importantly, it's supporting and respecting that vision for each other. It may involve compromising and being willing to consider a viewpoint different from your own. It also involves each of you committing to caring for each other the same way than you care for yourself, as if the two of you were one.
Commitment also requires that each partner choose it themselves. I don't believe anyone can force you to commit to something. You can certainly try, but ultimately a true commitment that comes from the heart has to come from each person of their own free will.
Commitment is about feelings, thoughts, and, maybe most importantly of all, actions.
Ultimately actions speak louder than words (or thoughts or feelings). It might be that he's thinking of you quite a bit, and has tremendous feelings for you, but these don't translate into actions – however this is an extremely unlikely scenario.
The reality is that if he's thinking of you he's going to call you, text you, send you flowers, take you to your favorite restaurant, or something. That's the point.
It takes two to make the world go 'round
Both partners have to be in it to win it. And I would also say that both need to have the same level of expectations and definitions of what a commitment means.
The problem is that so many of us have such a vague idea of what commitment really means that it's no wonder we can't seem to find it or get it from our guy. We think of it as an unspoken "bond" of some sort – whether it be spiritual, emotional, physical, or some combination of all three.
We think we'll know it when we see it, but that's really not a very strong plan.
A much better plan is to define what commitment means for you in advance. What does your future life, your future committed relationship really look like on a daily basis?
At the end of the day, you are the only one who can say what kind of commitment you really want. So say it – and write it down.
Really think it through.
Define it for yourself to the point that it's crystal clear in your mind what your vision of commitment is, and exactly what it will look and feel like through each of the stages. Knowing what it is for you makes all the difference in the world.
The difference between knowing what's important to you and what you're not willing to settle for.
It's how you know.
So what's your definition of a committed relationship? Share it with us in the comments!
I thought I was ready for the C word, but came to realize I'm afraid. I've been hurt time and time again, and I finally found someone that was willing to put me first. I met this great guy online, who lived 13hrs away, only thing is; we had nothing in common. We started a long distance relationship. He wanted everything I wanted. After a few months of dating he wanted to take it further, he started looking at rings- I panicked. How can we take that step and we barely knew anything about each other? I didn't want to make the biggest mistake of my life, for the rest of my life. We did the back and forth to see each other, but our incompatibility started getting to me. He was night, I was day and I found myself being mean and distant. I eventually broke it off, because I didn't like who I was with him. It broke him. I maintained contact with the promise of rekindling the relationship once we established a friendship, during this time he was still attentive and never skipped a beat. About 2 weeks ago he became distant, then he told me he's seeing someone; I am crushed to say the least. Did I sabotage this relationship? Why did I run, when I got almost everything I asked for? Am I crushed because I care or is it my ego and I will get over it? I am so confused, I don't know what to do. I want to call him and beg him to give me another chance, but I'm afraid my feelings will betray me and I will hurt him all over again. I don't want to be selfish, but I can't help but think I'm possibly letting my future go. What should I do?
Focus on yourself and your own life. Forget men for a moment to figure yourself out. He's not the only man in the world and if things are meant to be, they will be in their own time. Take this time to look at your patterns, why you make the decisions you make, and to process past hurts that may still be there. Nothing will be gained by making fear-based decisions. If you can access Jane's help or that of a therapist, do that! Finding a hand that walks along with you in the process is extremely helpful.
Jane,
After all the frogs i have to kiss, I finally met this guy who's great for me in more ways than anyone i have ever met. I am once divorced and once widowed..... he is once divorced. We are both exclusive, dedicated, open communication .... My only thorn on my side is that I was born, raised, and lived my adult life with some traditional values and views..... like engagement and marriage to seal a committed relationship. He says he doesnt want to go that road anymore after his divorce. I just feel, then, that I will forever be his "girlfriend" which feels too casual for me ... where his family members have legal rights to him and I have none.....
Then you have to look at whether you can realistically live with this difference in light of the rest of who he is and everything else that's good about your relationship, Ida. You don't have to, but if he's the one you want to be with and he's not willing to change on this point - and it's a big one- you have to look at the reality of what this means to you and how long you can accept his terms on this. Pretending you can when you can't never works out. Getting to the bottom of why you feel so strongly on your own point might. Sometimes the reasons we have to have something are more about our programming than our own reality. Hope this helps!
Can you explain why women always cry for commitment, and then file for most divorces? Seems like women have the commitment issues, and why should a man take a chance with such a fickle creature?
Sounds like you're making some broad generalizations here, JJ. Focus on what you want, not what you don't and you'll find the "fickle creature" you speak of won't have any reason to find her way to you.
Hi Jane, I am dating thin guy and I know it’s a committed relationship but I have recently understood that my understanding about commitment is different from his. I am a bit jealous and I mostly find myself wanting to know every female in his life. He has a dirty past which scares me a lot. And he has a lot of female friends and that scares me too. I find myself snooping into his phone when he’s asleep and he’s found out three times. He complains that am too insecure and it’s pissing him off. He says my insecurity is making him fed up. We’ve been together for 11 months now and we’ve been staying together for I think 8 months. My problem is I don’t want him entertaining other girls, he see certain things to be normal whiles I don’t. Like hanging out with his ex or other female friends is something normal to him but I think it’s totally wrong. Yesterday we had an argument and he was quite rude to me. I was hurt but I just decided to snub it off. I’m I really insecure? And I don’t know what to do. Don’t know if I should break things off or I should sit and talk to him about how I understand commitment please help
Of course he turns it around and puts it all on you, Mina You're too close to the truth!
I really like the points you bring out but I am wondering you could add the section where after people date after a failed marriage with children.
In my opinion I believe if someone wants to be inclusive, and says that they love you but you where included in their family events, then the ex see's you then the lies and manipulations begins. Either one strings the other one along while doing as they please either trying to keep everyone happy.....ie themselves living 2 or more lives, these individuals need to spotted out and called out.
In a truly committed or as you put it dedicated is joining your lives or do I have this wrong.
You've got it exactly right, Susan! Sounds like you've experienced something absolutely the opposite of a real, true, committed relationship that was beneficial to you!
Hello,am very grateful to your post,because have never being inlove...
Am thankful,because when ever it maybe that i will choice to being inlove or love,i should known how to behave and careful.Thank....
I have been dating a guy for 9 months, we get on great, met each other's family and friends. I have you get kids and realised we only saw each other if I had them babysat and I always went to his, he met my kids and we went away for weekend together, after I questioned him where we are going, he told me I've stole his heart and he loves swing me but can't fully commit to me and he doesn't know why, he wants to still see me as he doesn't want to loose me but says I deserve more. Is my family life his fear of commitment? Should I walk away now? Or give it longer to see if he would commit?
Walk away now. He's selfish. Whenever a man tells you he can't commit or you deserve better, BELIEVE HIM and drop him immediately. No buts. Choose yourself always. "He doesn't want to lose me". Of course he freaking doesn't, but that means NOTHING. Staying would be you letting him using you. We are the ones who lose when we stick around for crumbs. It's not about you or your family life. His issues are his and his alone and they don't matter. A man (or any person for that matter) who is worth your time accepts you and your family life as is. Anything less is not what you want.
Women always demand commitment, yet they are the ones who file for most divorces. Why should a guy risk commitment when women are the ones who don't know how to keep said commitment?
Do you have an axe to grind against women in general? Your comments here generalize all women ..... you can at least say "some" or "many" women..... Faults and shortcomings exist on both sides.
Why don't you answer his question, statistics back up his statement.
I have a man I've been dating for 3+ years now n we've said that we love each other, we've met each other's parents n we introduce each other as my man, my woman! I'm feeling some kind of way now because I found out that he has been texting other females! I feel betrayed to say the least. If I'm your woman why would you feel the need to text other women? I get that we need our own friends but none that you are sitting up texting with everyday n especially while we are together (you at my house, us bike riding or out to eat)!!! What has happened to the commitment to each other? I feel it's out the window! I love him to death n it's killing me that he feels he's not doing anything wrong by texting another woman while we're in this committed relationship with one another!
Commitment is marriage. Anything less is a verbal pact. Its is a want. Maybe even a desire. Dating is the introduction to the plan (engagement) of commitment (marriage). I think people also confuse marriage with wedding. The fact that two people can be married without actually being committed is an example of a wedding participant. They like the look but not the effort. Being married is the act of being committed and choosing this day after day. It's the embodiment of dedication and affection and patience... this is commitment. Friends with benefits... well... that's just putting a "free" sign on your personal energy. Sex isn't commitment... and you may find out years into a marriage that you don't have sex anymore, but you are intimate in deeper ways. Being fully committed is just that. There are no degrees to full. A full glass of water is a full glass of water. It's 100%. A half glass is a half glass. When you start to add half full or half empty, the confusion strikes. Fully committed via not half effort. I have a boyfriend that is very sweet, I love him. He loves me. He lives an hour away and his kids live close to him. We will not move forward until everyone is ready. In reality that could mean we never do. He says he's committed so we don't need marriage. I am not hell bent on marriage, but I will not commit myself to someone who doesn't see me worthy of that sort of outward commitment. If it's no big deal, and you don't believe it will make a difference, then why not do it? We are in fact, exclusive. Because dedicated to making it work requires 100% effort on both sides. He has self inflicted restrictions on his end... and I have legal restrictions on my end. (I have kids too) I'm all about making it work... I am dedicated. But not at my own expense. Beacuse of that, we are not committed.
Such a true and powerful statement, Trista. "I am dedicated. But not at my own expense. Because of that, we are not committed." Exactly!
If marriage is a commitment, how come most women break that commitment?
Hi, my boyfriend have very different ideas about commitment. We've been together 3 years , and, except the difficulties re his fear of a future , we are amazing together. After the 2nd year, I communicated to him that I wanted to live together and get married. He is afraid and will not agree. It isn't about money, sex, or our kids- it seems like this is about how we disagree. We absolutely never raise our voices, but there have been times we talk but don't really resolve . we have a good therapist. He said he does want to live together , but in no foreseeable future . it seems as though he is looking for perfection before he agrees. I am feeling increasingly frustrated - I feel as though I don't (and won't ) have a voice in this decision. He's an amazing man, but....I'm not happy. Any thoughts?
You sound like you're where I'm at. What's happened since April? Anything?
I agree with you, the word commitment has a lot of meanings. I met a man who said he is committed to me only. We had a texting fight and soon after that I did not hear from him but he gave me a promise that he will never date anyone else and I know he does not see anyone else but he does not text with me. Today I am trying to figure out whether our relationship still on or not but he still keeps sending me a text for Valentines day and so on....isn't the word commitment so confusing?
Hi Jane,
This is really helpful! I have been reading a lot of self help books and tips on various websites, but you just speak from your heart. Thank you for such enlightenment, I really hope that me and my boyfriend could salvage our relationship. Keep them coming!
I'm so glad, Daphne, thank you. 🙂 Choose you, don't make him the center of your universe, allow him to be himself and you be yourself and watch and observe if you can live with that. And always remember there is all the support in the world for you, even if it doesn't feel that way. What if it is and we just don't see it? What if it was always there but we've never known where to look? You can't change him, but you can change you. And by making some subtle shifts within ourselves in how and what we see, there's a ripple effect that will affect him too. It always reveals more of the truth of what's underneath. Don't be afraid of change; it's often the only way we see what we're meant to see, and where we're meant to be!
HI Jane
Thanks Jane that was exactly what my story was to you commitment. Thanks to you I see things in a different light now.
I'm so glad you've seen what you needed to see, Doreen. You're so very welcome!
Thank you Miss. Jane for another Master Piece:) ♥♥♥
I think we can say that you are in a committed relationship if both of you is on a Same page and both of you fighting and workings of your relationships..
Valuing the relationship respecting the person working through any difficulties that arise being devoted showing caring and concern for each otherunselfishness
When what you say is what you do
It's so funny....just this morning when I woke up I was wondering what "exclusive" meant and then I checked my email and Wow! There it was! Thank you, Jane for your insights on stages of commitment and the difference between exclusive and commitment. It was so eye opening. The guy who I have been dating(I will call him "Matt") for a little over a month is out of town for a few days and I went out to a local place where they have live music on Thursday nights to relax after work.
I ran into a friend, who I have known for about 8 years ( he was actually a former teacher of mine at the University although he is younger than me. haha). Anyway, he invited me to sit with him and we had some fun conversation. He asked if he could walk me to my car when I was ready to leave and I said yes. Long story short, he kissed me. Honestly, I did not feel anything. It was almost like kissing my brother as they say. I felt a little guilty because I know he knows the guy who I am "dating". I felt like I did something wrong, yet I know Matt and I are not exclusive. I know he has active dating website accounts. Why do I feel so bad about this when for all I know could have kissed someone else last night as well?
It's because of our culture, our programming, the double-standard that we feel even as we know, as you say, Kate, that he could have been doing the same thing as well! The messages for women - and the labels attached to them - are so strong! It's why I always get such resistance when I suggest dating (not sleeping with) a few men at a time. And yet, it's doing exactly this that keeps everything in balance and keeps you from jumping too far ahead with anyone before they've shown you that they're truly worthy of you!
Thank you so much Jane:)
Jane, I'm so glad you clarified "dating (not sleeping with)". Hopefully Kate's guy will not be off kissing someone who knows her. I wonder how she would feel about that? If it makes Kate uncomfortable, then she should not be kissing anyone who knows her guy. It might be a set up just to see where Kate's head is......
Dear Carolyn,
Thank you for helping me see things in a new light. Even though "Matt" and I are not exclusive, I did let our mutual friend know that I am not interested in a romantic relationship with him today. I realized, with help from you, that it would just be too awkward and not right. My bad. Please forgive me. I am sure there are other guys in my town who I could date who are not in our circle, but I am not going to go looking.
You asked in your post "Hopefully Kate's guy will not be off kissing someone who knows her. I wonder how she would feel about that?" I really thought about it and I think I would feel a bit betrayed in a way, so I thank you again for bringing light to this topic for me.
I have to admit at first I was very upset when I read your post and took it very personally, but it is amazing what a day of reflection can do. God bless you.
Love,
Cathy
Duh...It was personal...very personal. Above all things I want you to THINK not just do. My heart goes out to women around the world because NO One teaches us the things we REALLY NEED TO KNOW. If I think I can help, I will toss out an idea so we will begin to think before we do. I am soo happy about the decision you made Cathy. Don't date men who know each other, all they do is get together and talk about you. If you have men friends you find they are bigger gossips than women.
LOL
Keeping You in Prayer
Carolyn
Isn't it amazing there is no formal training or guidance for the most important relationship in your life? You only have those around you as examples of what life has to offer. Then you have to be strong enough (and make mistakes) to decide what it is you do and do not want. Commitment comes from both parties. You have to be able to communicate your wants and needs to each other and make sure you both understand. Sometimes one person says something and the other hears something different. Both people have to live their lives in a way that doesn't offend their partner. You have to have a good relationship and be able to enjoy each other. You have to learn to fight fair and not be vindictive. Your mate is your love not your enemy. Remember your mate is not a mind reader, and if they are doing something that needs to be discussed, speak up. You both need time to yourselves and have your own friends. You should be together because you want to be and not because you have to be. Make sure you spend quality time with each other. You both have to be strong enough to go home and jump your own mate when you encounter desirous people along the way. When you become committed you don't become blind. LOL I believe women control commitment. A man who wants you bad enough will ask YOU for a commitment if you stop giving away the store. Love is give and take. If you give too much or too fast, do too much, or are too available and predictable, commitment will never come. At that point there is no reason for it. They are already getting everything. Learn to love yourself and be good to you. Your mate will be good to also if you are good to yourself.
So true, Carolyn - and so telling! As a culture, we spend hours doing research and taking classes on so many other things that have little to do with our happiness - as if the things like buying a car or planning a vacation will bring us true happiness, but we "wing it" when it comes finding what we're looking for in relationships. We limit ourselves to such a great extent because of so much of what you say here - "you only have those around you as examples of what life has to offer." And if those around you are as confused about all this as everyone else, and don't question what the media and culture has taught them, what do you really have? Great comment, Carolyn. I appreciate your adding so much to this conversation.
I think committed relationship means to me is having someone who's right for u. It can lead to a happily ever after thing and when both ppl are ready n knowing their family n friends et c
Yes, Courtney; that's so important - if they're not right for you, then you can never have what you're looking for with them. It's the opposite of what real love is all about.
I so agree with Centaine, Karen , and Jane. Well said ladies! This has opened my mind to search deeper within and figure out what commitment means to me. I think it is very important to also build a friendship first and like they say "marry your best friend " I encourage all women who desire love and true commitment like me to keep the faith! We have to believe we will have it and that's the excitement and motivation for me each day, to know that I will soon find my best friend/partner . I recommend the book I started reading called "The Secret" it teaches about the law of attraction. I find it so helpful and inspirational for my daily living and feeling good about finally finding the commitment I want. Another great post Jane! <3
So true, Darlene! It's not just a saying; "marry your best friend" is one of the best pieces of advice out there. Thank you for your inspiring - and encouraging - words. I wrote a post about my thoughts on "The Secret" and the law of attraction here. Finding what inspires and resonates with you is what so much of this journey is about!
I think it means that someone is there for you no matter what.it should not matter what time of day it is or what the issue is if you need them they should be there.also they are the person that no matter what comes up you invite them to go with you they are your other half.you don't have to wonder who they are with you should be able to tell everyone that he is my guy. No waiting t I see who you will spend your free time with it is already understood.
Exactly, Andrea; it's when you define it for yourself like this you discover what you're really looking for beyond the surface and put out that kind of energy that finds it! "You don't have to wonder..." - that's such a key part of knowing you're with someone who's on the same page as you who's looking for the same level of commitment as you.
As stated above in always being there for so meone, men take that for granted. That means ur always available for them. Then they say don't be too available for them so what about that? Confusing. Be there for them, yet don't make urself too available. Which is it?
Hi Jane
Another thought provoking post! Thank you for all you do.To me truthfulness and trust are the base for a long term relationship. Mutual respect is also a major component, and although theoretically both partners are supposed to work at making it , i think the man plays a more important role, in that if he is a responsible provider andis supportive and caring of his partners feelings, the relationship has much better chances of working out. The problem is how to find such a guy 🙂
At 49 im still looking lol.
I agree, Ann. And knowing this sets the stage for him, too. He's out there, and it's clarity like this that's going to bring him closer to you; willingly, because he'll be the one in agreement with you. At any age. 🙂
Try 72..Lol. Hopeless case...
Never hopeless. It's only the feeling of hopelessness that makes it so, not the actual reality. Look somewhere out of the box you haven't looked before!
Hi Jane,
I like your point that commitment has to come from both parties willingly. Commitment to me is devotion and dedication to each other, transparency and trust in your relationship, kindness and consideration toward each other, mutual respect, faith in each other and your relationship, and hope for your future. Many years ago, my mother gave me very simple advice, she called it "5 simole rules for a healthy and happy marriage", these rules can be applied to any relationship, and both parties should try to follow them:
1. Stay faithful 2. Make each other feel loved and wanted. 3. Respect each other 4. Don't flirt with others 5. Make time for each other.
Karen
That's really how you know just how compatible you are, Karen. It's what matters in the long run; that willingness, that agreement that comes because one wants it to, that's the point. It sounds like you've got a beautiful definition of what commitment is about at its core. Thank you for sharing.
PS Your mother's a wise woman. 🙂
I was engaged he broke the engagement off . Yet still contacts me almost daily . What should I do ? Our wedding was all planned and paid for . This all happened 3 months before our wedding . Speed up to a year later and he still contacts me . I’m so confused on what to do .
What do you want to do? What would make you feel like you did what you needed for yourself, for your own peace of mind? What would an empowered you do?
Well put, Mrs. Garapick 🙂 To me commitment is putting the other person's needs above yours even as your significant other does the same. That attitude brings about awareness and breeds compromise. I seem to have found this level of commitment with the woderful man I'm with. I truly truly thank YOU, Jane, for your insight on how to proceed to get the relationship I want. It truly works! I'm so in love and he's so in love with me! Its like we can't get enough of each other, even after we fight! Lol Thank you!
So true, Centaine; it's mutual - and again - that's the point. And I'm so happy for you that you've found the relationship you've been looking for! I'm thrilled to have been a part of that, Centaine. Thank you! 🙂
Thank you a lot
You're so welcome, Jasmina!