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Pick One Thing

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A beautiful woman walks down a path, representing different choices in her relationships.
There are so many different roads to the same place.

Anyone need a little hope today?

Because there's no feeling of hope when you're in the thick of it. Not when it feels like nothing is ever going to get better because you can't get past every little mistake you made, every wrong path, every choice you should have made so differently.

That's the only thing that's clear when you're here.

Every choice you made that you regret making because of where it led, every "mistake" you think you made, every thing you ever did that gave you a different outcome than the one you wanted that path to lead to, makes it's so hard to believe that it's BECAUSE of those things that you're going to get to a different place that's actually the place you want to be!

But that's exactly my point.

See, there are so many different roads to the same place. Pick one, any one.

Pick the one that makes the most sense to you right now. Or pick the one that your heart tells you to right now.Continue Reading

An Open Letter to The Women Who Posted "Can't I Even Unpack One box?"

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Beautiful woman sitting on floor surrounded by moving boxes face in her hands crying.
"Can't I even unpack one box?"

To the woman who posted that she thought she was a failure because her therapist is frustrated she can't do the "seemingly innocuous thing that most people have no trouble doing, but that represents lots of trauma to her."

It involved unpacking boxes, she said. "Can't I even unpack one box?"

Girl, there’s nothing wrong with you!

I work with women just like this all the time who were “bad” at therapy, who didn’t get anywhere in their counseling, who have nothing to show for all their years of working on themselves!

There’s nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with your counselor, it’s just we all learn and grow and have our shifts in different ways.

Just like so many of us concluded that we were “bad” at math.

It’s not that there’s some inherent math deficiency in us; it’s that we now know that we don’t all learn the same way! They didn't know that back then, when it was an old, intimidating male teacher repeating the same lesson at our desks that he’d just said up at the board - but this time ending with the ominous question, "You can see that now, right?"

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Look for THIS Instead

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A beautiful woman looks in a mirror wanting it to be the way it was.
It's time to stop second-guessing yourself.

Life is messy.

Relationships aren't fantasies.

Who you are and who he is are products of years of programming - mostly the subconsious kind neither one of you are even aware of.

Do yourself a huge favor right now (before you're in over your head) and choose someone who's on the same page as you. Someone who understands real vs. perfect and chooses real. I can't stress this point strongly enough; you only want to be with someone who you don't have to be anything but yourself around.

It's hard enough to make a relationship last for the long term in the very best of circumstances!Continue Reading

The Right To

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Young smiling woman outdoors understanding her right to.
You have to first understand you actually have the right to.

Every single one of the answers to your questions becomes clear when you focus on just one thing.

Your power.

That’s it.

Everything else you’ve been told carries so much weight. Everything to do with "Should I call?", "How long should I wait to text?", "Should I break up with him?", "How long should I wait for a commitment?"

Every one of our questions has to do with us owning our own power and remembering who we are in light of that power.

It’s the opposite of ourselves as victim, or ourselves as powerless to change what we’ve resigned ourselves to.

I can’t stress this enough. Question why. Ask yourself why.Continue Reading

Becoming Fearless. Again.

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The word fearless printed in a dictionary.
I want to be fearless again.

The words echoed back at me.

"Your mother was fearless."

It was a scene in Beauty and the Beast that stayed with me the entire night. And it made me realize something. Something big.

I want to be fearless again.

Oh, I used to be. We all used to be. Before we knew what we knew. Before we saw what we saw. Before we went through what we went through. We all remember that “used to be.”

Where did it go? Where did we go?

I used to believe I could do anything because my do anything was tied to my youth, to my being what the popular culture said I should be.Continue Reading

You've Been Told the Wrong Story

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Woman having a cup of coffee surrounded by books representing her story.
This isn’t the truth of what happened.

You’ve tried them all.

You go from place to place, looking, searching for the one thing that will be your magic answer. You search the world over for the one thing, the one person, the one magical formula that will finally make everything right in your world.

You may not know exactly what it is you need, but you think you might.

You think it’s found in the idea of the perfect man for you, or the idea of the perfect job or career for you, or the perfect location, or the perfect body, or the perfect house, or the perfect family, or whatever your particular perfect thing may be.

Except that you’ve tried so many things already, and nothing lasted for long. The feeling of everything finally being right in the world was temporary – fleeting – until it was no more.Continue Reading

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