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He asked me to be patient because he's not ready for a relationship

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A beautiful woman feels sad because she feels she was used.
He says he's in a transition phase.

Our letter this week comes from Claire. She's dating a guy who is asking her to be patient with him because he's not ready for more of a relationship. Sound familiar?

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

In your video, you mention maintaining  a playful distance.. what does that  look like?

I'm working on my own triggers & have been guilty of chasing before. (too much masculine energy !)

Dating a new guy(someone I met years ago) but he's in a transition phase after a toxic relationship.  He asked me to be patient.  Not my strongest attribute.Continue Reading

What do YOU think makes a man commit to you?

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A beautiful woman is on a romantic date with a man.
Your answer to this question makes all the difference.

It's this part that's so telling.

I hear from women just like you every day. Saying they think it's about something they have to say or do differently. They think there's some secret answer that they haven't yet uncovered, and if they can just find that, they'll have him committing in no time.

I get it, because I went on the search for this, too. I tried all of it - everything- just to try to get my answer.

Is it this?

Play it cool. Be the cool girl.

Or this?

Act like you can take or leave him.

What about this?Continue Reading

The Biggest Lie You Were Ever Told

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A beautiful woman looks down, sad, wondering if her boyfriend is getting distant.
You give and you give. And then you give some more. Because they told you to.

I see you, you know. Maybe because I've been you.

He treats you like he's got so many options you should be lucky he's paying any attention to you, and what do you do? You give and you give. And then you give some more.

He's a no-show. You track him down to make sure he's okay and when he finally answers you, you tell him you're the one who's sorry.

He doesn't call when he says he will. You get tired of waiting and send him a message only to hear back from him hours later that he worked late or fell asleep. You empathize with him and tell him you're sorry. You hope he gets some sleep.

Even when he ends it, you're telling him you'll always care about him and always be there for him. He doesn't say anything like that to you.

Even as he's walking away, laughing behind your back to his friends as he tells them the story. Still caring, still trying, still pining, still care-taking for his emotions, his fragile ego, his wounded younger self.Continue Reading

He says he needs space. What do I do now?

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Sad woman hugging her emotionally unavailable boyfriend and looking down.
I'm terrified he won't come back.

Our letter today comes from Cyndi, who's wondering what to do when her boyfriend said he needs space to figure things out, and she can't stop thinking about him. Sound familiar?

Here's her letter and my response:

Hi Jane,

My boyfriend asked for some space from the relationship to figure things out. Not contacting him is so so difficult and I’m terrified that he won’t come back. I know I need to take this time to focus on myself but it’s all I’m thinking about right now.

What do I do?

-  Cyndi

My Response:

Of course that's all you can think about right now, Cyndi. He's the one who asked for space, not you. You wanted things to keep progressing. You weren't expecting this. Continue Reading

Did I Push It Too Far Playing Hard to Get?

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Beautiful woman sitting down checking her text messages using mobile phone.
Did I play too hard to get? I'm afraid I'll never hear from him again!

Ever wondered if you can play too hard to get - and actually lose an opportunity to get someone at all?  Well, that's Jessica's question on the blog this week.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I am so confused by this guy right now.

I would like to say he is not interested but I feel like that isn't 100 percent the case.

This guy is a player and I knew this, we met at a friends BBQ and he was pursuing me for weeks asking to see me (not to take me out but inviting me over to his house).  He was messaging me every day and asking me questions like 'how is your day going' etc. so I felt like he wasn't just after one thing.

Anyway I went to his house and we watched a few movies, we got on so well and could not stop laughing. I knew he was into me. He tried to have sex with me but I said no as I do not sleep around.Continue Reading

He's Left Me Drained and Confused

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A beautiful woman looks confused and drained with her chin resting on her palm.
I don't know how much longer I can do this.

Beautiful Kim has been in an on-again-off-again relationship with a guy for quite a while now, and she's left feeling nothing but drained and confused. Sound familiar?

Here's her story:

Hey Jane,

So I met this guy Tommy almost 8 years ago.  When we first met he pursued me, got my number from his friends, texted me all the time etc. etc.

Long story short I have a son and had issues necessarily finding a sitter for him and had to cancel a couple dates. We stopped talking after about the 3rd time. I never once stopped thinking of him.

Over the years we have always tried re-connecting, hanging out. He is the guy that opens all the doors, buys all the drinks, says "Yes sir" and "Yes ma'am."  

When I'd get ready to leave his house he'd refuse to let me leave and wanted me to lay with him till the morning. Even saying things like "I really miss how you fit in my arms." Promising to go do things such as football games, bike rides, etc. etc.Continue Reading

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