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Not Quite Ready to Let Go and Move On?

8 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him.
You're lonely with him, and you're lonely without him.

I want to be so gentle here with you, because I know exactly how it feels when you're in this situation.

You love this guy. You don't want to just let him go and start your own life.

Sure it feels good to say "I'm leaving him" and hear the cheers from every woman who's gone before you, every woman who's ever made this difficult choice herself, but this was never the way you wanted it.

You never chose this heartbreak, and all you wanted was for him to change back to the way he used to be when you fell in love with him in the first place.

You're lonely without him. You're lonely with him. You don't know which is worse and you're afraid to find out in case you make the wrong choice.

This was always the hardest decision you were ever going to make.Continue Reading

Learning to say "No"

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A beautiful woman standing firmly with her arms crossed in front of her depicting that she is learning to say no
In your own voice, in your own way.

It's one of the most seemingly benign things that I teach my coaching clients early, but it's a consequential one.

Learning to say "no" in your own voice, in your own way.

Gently, but firmly.

The most important part is that it's in your own voice in a way that reflects your own personality, in a way that you feel comfortable owning it.

If it's only what someone else tells you to say, it won't have the same effect. You have to practice this until it comes naturally from you!

Don't explain, don't defend. Say it again clearly if you need to.

See, when you've been told your whole life you're not allowed to have boundaries, when you've been conditioned to make everyone else feel good regardless of how you feel, one of the hardest things you'll ever do is risk disappointing someone by saying the words they least want to hear - you saying "no".

But if you're going to find the right ones for you, you've got to make sure you can say no to the wrong ones first!

One small step in the right direction. Yes, it does start with something this simple.

And if you need help with this, just let me know.

Love,

Jane

How about you, Beautiful? Do you have a hard time saying "no"? Share your feelings, experiences and struggles with us below in the comments!

Kindness, Shame ... and Hockey

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Silhouette of sad woman looking at sunset over water, shame concept
I didn't realize just how beaten down I was.

We've all had those pivotal moments in our lives when we're provided with a contrast so opposite to the situation we've found ourselves in, that we can't help but question why we're still there.

They remind us not everyone will treat us the way we've become so used to. They give us hope.

And they provide us with something to look back on when we try to make sense of it all.

One of those moments for me was at a hockey game with my boyfriend at the time, this guy I felt so beaten down by (he was the one who also made me literally sick at the end.)

Yeah. That one.

It was  during one of the intermissions where I went to the concessions by myself and to have someone smile at me - another man smile at me, say something nice to me, be kind to me - it felt like such a rare thing.

I felt so grateful, overly grateful, and as proof of how beaten down I’d become, I was thinking, you’re so kind.

You’re so nice to me.Continue Reading

If you don't fix THIS first, nothing else gets fixed either

20 Comments

Woman sitting by a lake feeling all alone in her relationship.
You can't will yourself to make this easier.

It's usually after you've tried everything else that you find your way here.

When everyone else has made you feel so much worse for not being able to figure this whole life/love/relationships thing out on your own, and you can now add shame to everything else you feel.

Did they think you didn't want to be able to figure this out on your own?

Of course you did! It's no wonder you have to build up the courage to finally try again.

Maybe this time will be different, but do this enough times and it makes perfect sense why you've resorted to humor or sarcasm or just about any other coping mechanism to hide your pain.

Don't play this game anymore.

This going back to the same people you couldn't count on before to try to get some love and grace, only to feel once more that there's something wrong with you that you can't do the scariest thing; something (anything) different.Continue Reading

"I'm So Disappointed in You"

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands wonders what to do.
The words cut so deep.

Did you feel that one?

I know I did.

It starts as a memory. A memory we feel down to the very core of our being. “I’m so disappointed in you.”

And then it carries over into every part of our lives for a long, long time.

It’s a cycle. A pattern that’s easily predictable.

You disappoint someone – because you will, you know. And it all comes back.

But why is this all your responsibility? Isn’t it equally shared by the person who has such unrealistic standards of perfection for you that they can even dare to stand there from a position of “I’m disappointed in you”?

Why is this not on them? Why is it all on you?Continue Reading

You've Always Known

36 Comments

fantasy. woman in enigmatic meadow over cloudy sky
You're the one who's always known what's really going on.

You've always known.

What everyone says don't worry about. What everyone tries to shame you about. What everyone calls you crazy for.

It's actually the opposite, isn't it?

You're the one who's always known what's really going on.

You knew before he left.

You knew before he cheated.

You knew before he checked out.

You knew.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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