love yourself

The One Quality He Totally ADORES (Hint: You Already Have It)

A happy couple in love embrace outside. — This is what he really want you to be.

Remember that feeling you get when you’ve just read something so inspirational, when you’ve just had a great coaching session, when you’ve just had that epiphany of sorts and you’re so clear about who you are, what you have to offer and what you bring?

NOTHING can dull that shine you’re feeling.

Or at least, nothing until you step out into the world and see you’re not the only one who’s got that shine, it’s everywhere.

There is nothing quite like the comparing yourself to others to dull your own shine.

It’s deflating.

Suddenly, all those feelings you had seemed like hype.

You’re back to questioning, doubting, buying into someone else’s programming that all the good ones are taken – or at least the ones who are capable of a commitment.Continue Reading

Does It Feel Like It’s Never Enough?

What No One Ever Tells You About Real Love

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Close up of man and woman holding hands in the sunset. — It's the part about real love they left out.

I wasn’t real.

They, on the other hand, might have been. But I would never know.

Because until I was able to get real, nothing was real. What I came face to face with was the reality that I didn’t know how to be real. I was too busy trying to be perfect.

Trying to figure out what it was they wanted me to be and then being that. Trying to prove my worthiness, my perfectness, my "perfect girlfriend-ness".

That’s all I knew. And that’s what I thought mattered.

I knew I wanted someone to choose me, to make me feel like something. To give a life to fit into. To give me a world to fit into and a role to play. To give me the instruction sheet on how to do a relationship.

Just tell me what you want me to be and I’ll be it. Continue Reading

What I Want You To Remember This Holiday Season

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Beautiful woman outdoors in frosty winter park with snowflakes. — If you only remember one thing, make it this.

There's a reason I’m here, doing what I do.

To remind you of what you can’t see from where you are now. To remind you of your power. To remind you of your beauty.

To remind you that the only reason you can’t see what I can see is because you haven’t come to the part yet where you prove yourself wrong.

Because without proof, you can’t believe it. Without proof, it’s the hardest thing to believe what you can’t yet see.

So my message to you today as we go about celebrating the holidays in whatever way you celebrate, is to stop believing what you’ve been believing about yourself every time another holiday season comes around.Continue Reading

Confused, Hopeless and Ready to Give Up

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A beautiful woman sits on a bench, looking discouraged, wondering if it will ever work out. — I’m getting to the point where I feel like I might as well give up.

One of our beautiful readers, Abbie, writes to tell us about the confusion she's feeling with all the different dating advice out there.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I’m so confused.

There are so many rules out there, I’m having a hard time figuring out what I need to listen to and what I don’t.

I keep working on myself, reading up on what I need to do, but I’m getting to the point where I feel like I might as well give up on ever finding someone because for all the work I do on myself, it never seems to be enough!

Then I end up feeling like there’s something wrong with me because nothing ever works out like it’s supposed to.

Can you help me?

-AbbieContinue Reading

Self Blame: It’s Holding You Back

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Self Blame written on silhouette of a person's head. — Self blame: It's holding you back more than you realize.

You’ve got your list. You know what you want this year.

Love.

Someone special to share your life with. And everything else. But nothing quite compares to love.

And finding him. Finally.

Right?

Ok, so there’s something we have to settle first. Something that’s been holding you back more than you realize, more than any of us realize.Continue Reading