commitment

Will He Ever Change His Mind?

A beautiful woman leans against a tree wondering if he will ever want a committed relationship with her. — Should I just move on?

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to remain anonymous, was in a friends with benefits situation and is wondering if he will ever come around and want a committed relationship with her.

Here's her story:

Last year I moved into University halls, and basically fell almost instantly in love with one of my flatmates. He was in a long-term relationship at the time, but we got on really well and hung out a lot.

A few months into the term he separated from his girlfriend, and me and him got even closer and after a few months ended up becoming friends with benefits for about 4 months, however we basically acted like a couple, then all of a sudden he stopped things, saying he wasn't over his last relationship.

I was devastated and tried everything to get over him, but I don't think I ever stopped loving him.Continue Reading

Trying to Move On From a Man Who Won't Commit

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One of our gorgeous readers, Angel, is trying to move on from a relationship with a man who won't commit.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I've been reading a lot of your blog posts for few days now, some of them I read few times too. Here's my situation that got me all confused:

I am a single mother of 2 teenagers and I am having a Long Distance Relationship with this guy from another country for 11 years now. He's working in my country on a flying in and out basis. I only saw him when he was on his way in or out from where he works (in another island).

I know this was not ideal, but we were so clicked and compatible for each other. We could talk about anything, shared so many similar interests and hobbies, basically it's a perfect relationship except that he doesn't want to have a commitment.

He said that to me 3 years since we started the relationship, and caught me by surprised.Continue Reading

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

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A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her. — That was supposed to be me!

There's nothing quite like seeing the guy who just broke your heart out with someone else.

It doesn't seem to matter how much time has passed; if you haven't moved on and he has, there's nothing that stalls your progress as quickly as that sight. Seeing him with someone else, in that place where you were supposed to be. It makes you experience that heartbreak all over again.

"It was supposed to be me", you think to yourself.

How does it happen? You want to know. Why her – and not me?

I, too, spent far too many hours of my life trying to find the answers to both of those questions. Because, after all, if we know the answer to that, then we feel like we finally have some control over our lives.

After all, we've all heard the all-too familiar story of the rare guy who's been in his fair share of long-term relationships, but never found a reason to commit – until suddenly, we get the news through a friend that he's found the "right" woman for him and his previous aversion to commitment has suddenly gone away.

You wanted this with him. Why couldn't this be happening to you?

Why weren't you enough for him?Continue Reading

Your New Dream this Christmas

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The word love and a heart symbol written in snow. — It's time for a new dream this year - real LOVE!

It's that time of year again - the season that brings up so many mixed feelings. On the one hand, it's a time of excitement and joy; on the other, we're often filled with melancholy and loneliness, particularly when we don't have someone special in our lives.

Yes, it's the holidays.

If you're at all like I was (and I know you are), you approach the holidays so idealistically, overflowing with optimism. We always go into it believing that this time things will be different. Better.

This time, your mom will really hear what you're saying. This time you and your dad will really connect and share some special moments. This time your uncle will stop ribbing you about being "still single". This time there won't be family arguments after (or during) dinner.

The dream.

And then there's what I like to call the dream.

This time, we think, he's going to finally realize what he's got in you, and he's going to want a committed relationship.

You can picture it in your mind so vividly:

He comes walking up the path to your front door, a dozen red roses in hand, tears in his eyes. "I've been such a fool" he says.Continue Reading

The Truth About Happily Ever After

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And they lived happily ever after — But what did that look like?

You know that dream you have of happily ever after?

Well, I have some good news for you: There really is a happily ever after. It exists.

It’s just different from the book and movie versions we all grew up with.

The ones in the stories read aloud to us as children and the versions based on the same themes we later watched on television and in movie theaters as we grew older. Whatever the particular story, they all had the same ending we would come to expect and look forward to: the one that ended with the prince sweeping the damsel in distress off her feet and the final words, whether they were spoken or simply implied, "… and they lived happily ever after".

It wasn't until much later in life that I began to wonder, "How?"

Because after so many failed attempts at my own version of these same fairy tales that seemed so elusive to me, it became the question I so desperately wanted to know the answer to. "What happened next?"

But of course, that’s where the story always ended and we never heard what really happened after they got together. After the glow of the initial attraction was no longer the only thing each other saw, and the real story played out.

His Side of the Story

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“I've never treated anyone as bad as I treated you, Jane. I just wasn't there but I didn't know how to communicate this to you.”

It was the other side of the story, the one I never heard before.

But now, with a new life and a new, more confident me, I had sought out the guy who had broken my heart just a few years earlier to see if he would meet up with me when I was back in town.

He agreed to, and we did, although if I was honest with myself, I was looking for more than just an explanation. I also wanted to see what might still be there now that time and distance was now between us and I was finally feeling confident on my own.

You know, that “let him see me now with how much I've changed and see if what couldn't be back then, might be possible be now” kind of story we all want to see.

And so over pasta in a hip little restaurant in the trendy West end of my hometown Vancouver, I asked him what I never had the courage to ask when I found myself sick over our relationship a few short years ago: “Why?”

He didn't know.

He couldn't answer me.

Except to say that he knew he had never treated anyone as badly as me – as badly as I knew in my heart I had allowed him to treat me.

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Will He Ever Change His Mind?

Here's her story:

Trying to Move On From a Man Who Won't Commit

Here's her email:

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

Your New Dream this Christmas

The dream.

The Truth About Happily Ever After

His Side of the Story

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