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He Won't Stay and He Won't Go

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands wonders what to do.
I'm just not sure what to do...

One of our lovely readers, Sunflower, writes to ask if she should move in with boyfriend who says he loves her, but whose actions may tell a different story ...

Here's what she wrote:

I met this guy 12 years ago, he loves me, but he is commitment phobic.

After 5 years, I gave him an ultimatum, knowing it was the wrong thing to do. I told him since other women are calling you it seems to me that you want to have an open relationship, let's do that.

I will date other guys, too.

He said fine, but when he saw me having dinner with someone else he totally changed and got really upset. He called me everyday, wanted me back.

I refused for a month.

One day I gave up. I left a guy with great potential, and went back with him hoping he would change.Continue Reading

Will He Ever Be Capable of Committing to Marriage?

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Will he ever be capable of making a real commitment?
Will he ever be capable of making a real commitment?

Our gorgeous friend, Anita, has written in to tell us about her boyfriend of 4-1/2 years who just doesn't seem to be able to commit to marriage.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I left my live in boyfriend 11 months ago because he seemed to have no plans to ever marry me.

He also refused to communicate at all, by that I mean if I tried to talk to him about anything regarding my feelings or our relationship (which I did very seldom) he would completely ignore me & refuse to answer me, look at me or even acknowledge my presence at all.

This was ALWAYS the response no matter how loving I was he refused to speak or even tell me if we could discuss the issue another time.Continue Reading

He Says I'm Awesome, But He's Not Ready For a Relationship

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A blond woman scratches her head because she's confused by her boyfriends actions.
Help! I'm so confused!

I hear it so often. "Everything's going so well, but he tells me he doesn't want a relationship".

Sound familiar? Our lovely friend Ezi is going through this right now, and she's wondering what to do.

Her email:

I met this guy online and we seemed to connect really well.

We messaged each other about everyday, then he asked for my number and then we could talk about two days for 3 hours and sometimes we'd text. We'd take turns communicating with each other.

Then we finally met in person and it worked out well. We met two more times (one of them more recently).

Since we met online, he says he likes me and says I'm awesome (I guess it's because we have similar interests and I'm "good with words"), though he says he's not ready for a relationship because he's not over his ex from 3 years ago (he feels bad for how he treated her back then), he has too much baggage, he feels I am going places in life (in terms of career), and  he feels I deserve better.Continue Reading

If He Really Loved Me, Would He Have Let Me Go?

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A key lies on a table next to a red heart made from a ribbon.
All I wanted was a key!

Our question this week comes from our beautiful friend Janet, who has broken up with her boyfriend because he wouldn't move their relationship along to the next level of commitment.

Here's what she wrote:

My boyfriend of almost 3 years tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and move in with me ...but doesn't know when.

We live apart and only see one another on the weekends. I have asked for a key before to his apartment so I could wait upstairs for him when I arrive and he said it was against his values.

The other day I couldn't reach him all night....and we had a huge fight that lasted for days...when we finally spoke...I told him that I did not feel comfortable with our current arrangement and if he didn't want to live together at this time...that he should at least give me a key...so if I need to speak with him and can't reach him by phone...I can go to his house.

He said he loves me and wants to marry me...it could be as soon as next year...he doesn't know...but I already know his answer about the key and that will not change.

I told him I just didn't feel comfortable anymore...and I feel the key was kinda like the bare minimum I needed to hang in there at this point.Continue Reading

I'm Heartbroken - How Do I Move On?

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A beautiful woman lies on her bed looking at her laptop.
I found out he's in a new relationship only a month after we split!

It's always so difficult to move on after a serious heartbreak, even when we know it's the best thing for us to do. Our letter this week comes from our beautiful friend Paulina, whose boyfriend suddenly left her and her son after she asked him about making a commitment.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane ,

I broke up with my boyfriend of over three and a half years about 7 months ago and I just can't seem to move on.

He basically was literally part time living with me and my 12 year old son who he bonded with over the years and we were both incredibly hurt when he left.

We broke up because I kept asking when we were going to move the relationship on and he kept avoiding my questions even though he was living with me and my son for 5 days a week. We had a heart to heart the day after Valentines day and I told him to leave and think about what he wants.Continue Reading

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

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A signpost reading "undecided" pointing in both directions.
What should I do?

This week our letter comes from a GUY for a change! Yes, one of our handsome male readers! He calls himself "Mr. Indecisive", which should tell you a bit about the story you're about to hear.

Here's his email:

Hi Jane,

I'm a 28 year old male, unfortunately I also have been diagnosed with anxiety...so this hasn't made my issue any easier...

I came across your website and wanted to send you a question I have been struggling on and off with...

I met a woman, a wonderful woman, and we developed a wonderful relationship together over the past 5 months.

Unfortunately big events are coming up which have made me...Mr. indecisive...

She is in the military and brought up about whether she leave the military entirely in Oct. or...she stays in and leaves my state for 4 years and I go with her. Either way, we are discussing engagement rings and this...has...terrified...me since...Continue Reading

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