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Relationships

The Relationships category contains posts regarding the stage after dating, in which you are generally in an exclusive monogamous relationship. The Relationships category includes posts on such topics as meeting the family, commitment, is he the right one for you?, etc.

Did I Make the Right Decision?

41 Comments

A woman is upset about her breakup with an emotionally unavailable man, and her two friends are consoling her.
Maybe I just needed to give it all more time

One of our beautiful readers, who has called herself "Stormy", has ended her 5 month relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, but now she's second-guessing herself.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I'm thankful to God this morning for the person on my Facebook who shared your webpage.

You truly are a Godsend to me in this time of pain and heart-break I'm now going through. I've already been helped and blessed by some of the other questions and answers you've posted and I'm hoping you can offer a little advice for my situation as well.

Just yesterday, I decided to end an exclusive relationship of almost 5 months with a man I've fallen in love with. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.Continue Reading

He's Playing With My Heart

66 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a swing looking at the ocean, wondering why he's playing with her heart.
He's playing games with me and it really hurts.

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to remain anonymous (I've called her "Hurting"), has been dating a man for 3-1/2 years who has been playing with her heart, but she just can't bring herself to let go.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane:

I would like to start off by saying how much I enjoy receiving your newsletters everyday. Sometimes, when I read them, I feel like you can see right into my current situation.

I have been with a man for 3 1/2 years now (IF you want to call it being with) who has been playing with my heart. For the first year and a half, he made it very clear that I was just a temporary fixture in his life. He did tell me that he couldn't promise anything, and who knew what tomorrow would bring.

But, he would lie to me a lot.Continue Reading

Has he changed? Can a person change?

38 Comments

A beautiful woman is leaning her head against a wall, frustrated that her emotionally unavailable ex boyfriend is now in a committed relationship with another woman.
Why did he tell me he didn't want a serious relationship, and now he's in a serious relationship with her?

One of our beautiful readers, who calls herself "Bdoll", has been with an emotionally unavailable guy on and off for the better part of the last five years. He had consistently told her that he didn't want a serious relationship, only to suddenly break up with her and start a serious relationship with another woman.

Here's her email:

I dated someone for 4.5 years on and off.  They say when someone says they don't want to get married, or have a long term relationship, it means "with you!". Or does it mean 'in general'.

He told me from Day 1, that he did not want a relationship, but had one in every sense of the word anyway. The chemistry between us was like nothing I had ever experienced before, it was the pinnacle of any adult relationship I had had previous.

The timing was not right for him, and I believe this to be critical for a man.

This was a 52 year old man, never married. Very charismatic, educated, smart, and had been in plenty of relationships, live-in and long term. Had his choice of woman, always. But wasn't settled in his career, and very unhappy about it.Continue Reading

He's Choosing, Too

105 Comments

A clock face with the words time to choose written on the face.
What he wants is what he's choosing.

Amidst all the excuses we have for him. Amidst all the stories we tell ourselves about why he treats us the way he does.

Amidst all the reasons we have for staying with him, there lies one simple truth.

He’s choosing, too.

He’s choosing to do what works for him.

He’s choosing to not call.

He’s choosing to text you for last minute plans.

These are choices, not excuses, not reasons, not subconscious dilemmas or long-thought out processes.

This is him choosing, too.Continue Reading

Seriously? How Did I Get Here. . .

25 Comments

A brunette woman feeling lonely in her relationship sits looking at the ocean.
He's a great guy, but until I walk he won't ever truly show up.

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to call herself "Always Baby", or "AB" for short, has been in a long term on-and-off relationship with a guy who just can't seem to truly commit.

Here's her email:

I am 40. I met my boyfriend when I was 36.

We were together for a few years, split for 12 months, and got back together. We have now been back together for over a year.

My boyfriend told me on the first date he would never fall in love again, he would never marry again, and that was that. Maya Angelou says when people tell you who they are the first time, listen.

I should have.

Our chemistry was amazing..the date was planned around my loves (a play, dinner at the most romantic place)...the banter between us, sexual tension, instant connection--it was all there.

So I dated him.

The process of our relationship -- dating, to committed in regards to being his girlfriend took almost 7 months...and slowly, it hasn't grown much. We broke up when he took Chantix to quit smoking. It had horrible side effects on him including a withdrawal from life, passion, intimacy, his child who he has primary custody of, his personality -- he just became a depressed, dark man. I tried to stay with him. He eventually cut me out.

I thought about him every single day for that year that followed.Continue Reading

What He Needs From You More Than Anything Else

42 Comments

A man sits on a windowsill in the background.
This is what he really needs from you.

There is something he needs from you. More than anything else you might think he wants from you, if he could express in so many words what he needs, it would be these.

He needs you to recognize him for who he is, and not who you want him to be.

He needs you to accept him for who that is – the only person that he can be: himself.

He needs you to see him as his own person, and not someone you project on him.

He needs you to understand that he's not going to change.

He needs you to know he can't always be what you want him to be.

He needs you to know he can't live up to anyone else's potential for him. He can only live within his own.Continue Reading

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