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Relationships

The Relationships category contains posts regarding the stage after dating, in which you are generally in an exclusive monogamous relationship. The Relationships category includes posts on such topics as meeting the family, commitment, is he the right one for you?, etc.

If He Really Loved Me, Would He Have Let Me Go?

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A key lies on a table next to a red heart made from a ribbon.
All I wanted was a key!

Our question this week comes from our beautiful friend Janet, who has broken up with her boyfriend because he wouldn't move their relationship along to the next level of commitment.

Here's what she wrote:

My boyfriend of almost 3 years tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and move in with me ...but doesn't know when.

We live apart and only see one another on the weekends. I have asked for a key before to his apartment so I could wait upstairs for him when I arrive and he said it was against his values.

The other day I couldn't reach him all night....and we had a huge fight that lasted for days...when we finally spoke...I told him that I did not feel comfortable with our current arrangement and if he didn't want to live together at this time...that he should at least give me a key...so if I need to speak with him and can't reach him by phone...I can go to his house.

He said he loves me and wants to marry me...it could be as soon as next year...he doesn't know...but I already know his answer about the key and that will not change.

I told him I just didn't feel comfortable anymore...and I feel the key was kinda like the bare minimum I needed to hang in there at this point.Continue Reading

I'm Heartbroken - How Do I Move On?

40 Comments

A beautiful woman lies on her bed looking at her laptop.
I found out he's in a new relationship only a month after we split!

It's always so difficult to move on after a serious heartbreak, even when we know it's the best thing for us to do. Our letter this week comes from our beautiful friend Paulina, whose boyfriend suddenly left her and her son after she asked him about making a commitment.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane ,

I broke up with my boyfriend of over three and a half years about 7 months ago and I just can't seem to move on.

He basically was literally part time living with me and my 12 year old son who he bonded with over the years and we were both incredibly hurt when he left.

We broke up because I kept asking when we were going to move the relationship on and he kept avoiding my questions even though he was living with me and my son for 5 days a week. We had a heart to heart the day after Valentines day and I told him to leave and think about what he wants.Continue Reading

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

38 Comments

A signpost reading "undecided" pointing in both directions.
What should I do?

This week our letter comes from a GUY for a change! Yes, one of our handsome male readers! He calls himself "Mr. Indecisive", which should tell you a bit about the story you're about to hear.

Here's his email:

Hi Jane,

I'm a 28 year old male, unfortunately I also have been diagnosed with anxiety...so this hasn't made my issue any easier...

I came across your website and wanted to send you a question I have been struggling on and off with...

I met a woman, a wonderful woman, and we developed a wonderful relationship together over the past 5 months.

Unfortunately big events are coming up which have made me...Mr. indecisive...

She is in the military and brought up about whether she leave the military entirely in Oct. or...she stays in and leaves my state for 4 years and I go with her. Either way, we are discussing engagement rings and this...has...terrified...me since...Continue Reading

Why He Wouldn't Commit…to You

92 Comments

A beautiful woman leans her head on her hands, sad.
Why does it always seem to end this way?

"I don't have the same feelings for you as I used to".

The dreaded words. The blank look. The shock that what we're hearing could be real. Nothing more to be said, nothing changed by talking and talking and talking about it, until our own words betray the truth.

He's gone.

The aftermath is telling.

Why? That's all we want to know. We blame ourselves, we blame him, we blame the timing, the people, the circumstances we never can control.Continue Reading

How Much Time to Allow Before Commitment?

37 Comments

A beautiful woman is sitting on a beach looking at the ocean, wondering when he'll commit.
How long is reasonable for him to change his mind?

Our gorgeous friend, who has called herself "Undecided" is in a relationship with a man who doesn't want a commitment.

Here's her email:

I have known my male friend for 5 years. We were both separately married but 18 months ago my friend separated from his wife of 12 years and 6 months ago my husband passed away.

We have since then been good friends not just acquaintances.

He is a very understanding warm lovely person. We both have a disability child and both are very similar. So we understand each other.

My friend has been through two marriage breakups and I can understand why he doesn't want to commit as he doesn't want to get hurt again. I'm still getting over my late husband so I can't commit but some day I would like to have that commitment but I have to look after my children first.

I'm giving myself 5 years to get over my bereavement. I'm hoping this will be enough time for him to change his mind.

What do you think?Continue Reading

The One Question Only You Can Answer

46 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a couch away from her boyfriend, wondering if she can live with this.
At some point, you have to ask yourself this one question.

It happened to me.

And it happens to every one of us every time we're not honest with the one person who always gets her way in the end; our true selves.

We can't live a lie.

We can't pretend we can do this if we can't. We can't go along with someone else's terms if they're in conflict with our own. We simply can't do this because something deep down inside us won't let us.Continue Reading

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