Archives for 2019

I'm Heartbroken Over Someone Who's Still Pining for His Ex

A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him. — Did I do the right thing letting him go?

Our letter today comes from one of our beautiful readers, Victoria. She's asking for some advice on the heartbreak she's experiencing over someone who's clearly still looking in the rear-view mirror for his ex. Her sister's about to be at her wits' end listening to her (haven't we all had family members like that!), so she's hoping to get some fresh advice on here.

This is her story ...

Hi Jane,

Thank you for your comments about unavailable men and us thinking they are with us when in fact they are somewhere else. I just wanted some unbiased advice as I think my sister will be fed up of me shortly and I'm on an emotional roller coaster often ending up in tears.

I have been divorced for a long time, found it difficult to get over my husband leaving so threw myself into guarding my heart to make sure it wasn't broken again and raising my child.

I was introduced by friends 8 months ago to a lovely man who I thought was perfect for me.Continue Reading

Ready to Let Go and Move On? Ask Yourself This First

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A woman is looking up at question marks above her head. — You need your answers. You need to find out why.

There's something you need to know.

If you're not ready to move on from someone, if all you want is to be with him, regardless of how he's treating you right now, because you believe in him and who he is underneath the outside veneer, because you love this man no matter how dysfunctional a love it is, then nothing you do to try to move on or get over him is going to work.

Nothing.

You'd only be fighting yourself in the process.

It's so important for you to understand this because telling yourself it's not working, that you can't move on, that what people are telling you to do, like going no contact or seeking therapy, won't work anyway because you tried that before, only becomes true if what you're currently doing is actually working for you.

I've been there.

Is He Really a Bad Texter or Am I Just There to Fill in His Lonely Time?

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her. — Why doesn't he want to text me?

Our letter this week comes from one of my readers who's not sure what to make of her new "boyfriend", or if he's even her boyfriend. Sound familiar? Read on to hear more of her story and my response ...

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

So I’ve met this guy via an online app around 1.5 months ago and we’ve been seeing each other ever since then (once or twice a week during the weekends).

We haven’t had the "define the relationship" talk yet but there was one time he called himself “boyfriend” (first few dates) but I only realized it a few days after as I wasn’t really concentrating at that moment.

One time, he also told me how lucky he is to have me as his girlfriend but I did not question him because it was already a late night and I was exhausted so I decided to let it go.

I have been thinking of bringing this relationship talk up but I’m worried he might feel pressured about it so I am just giving us a little bit more time. I am also questioning as to why he would just assume I became his girlfriend before asking me or having the talk.Continue Reading

The Last Layer

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A beautiful woman looks out the window at the sun shining through realizing she has a fresh start. — There's one more layer you haven't uncovered yet.

When your view of yourself is limited to the words you heard growing up as a child from people who had so many of their own issues, because they didn't know how to love themselves let alone love you, their words become your own.

You don't see yourself as lovable, beautiful, spirited, passionate, confident.

You see yourself as flawed, unlovable, clumsy, messy, stubborn, lazy or whatever other words were thrown at you.

As adults, when we don't understand these underlying roots of our assumed identities, we attract people who are familiar to us. People who remind us of our parents, who have a similar view of us as we're used to.

As much as we can hardly bear to hear those words spoken or implied again, it's the only thing we know.

That's why separating those early roots from our reality today is such an important part of creating healthy relationships. We have to first be attracted to healthy people before we can form healthy relationships!

The Part No One Told You About

I slept with my boss and now it's awkward

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Relationship problems concept - close up of man in shirt dressing up and adjusting tie on neck over woman in bed background. — Afterward he just brushed me aside, got changed, and handed me my things.

Our letter today comes from Claire, who's in a situation with her boss that she needs some advice on. Here it is, along with my response. Even if you've never been in this situation, read on because there's some underlying themes of power and control I think you'll relate to.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I am a 21-year-old female who like many other women have nowadays got involved with their boss. I have only been in the business for 7 months and I worry I could lose my job over this.

But anyway, when I started working with him I was only 20, it started off as any natural friendly relationship would, although with the casual flirtatious joke or dirty remark at times, but I thought this was part of his personality at times.

Fast forward a few months and we started messaging on Instagram and from there it turned very flirtatious although he had stated he didn't want a relationship and I had said the same thing.Continue Reading

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I'm Heartbroken Over Someone Who's Still Pining for His Ex

This is her story ...

Ready to Let Go and Move On? Ask Yourself This First

Is He Really a Bad Texter or Am I Just There to Fill in His Lonely Time?

Here's her story:

The Last Layer

The Part No One Told You About

I slept with my boss and now it's awkward

Here's her email:

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